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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel outdone by mil

87 replies

Nameforsaken · 25/12/2016 13:09

I know I know I should be fucking grateful that she cares and she's bought them things.m

But I'm not, I'm pissed off.
There's fucking plastic crap all over the place.

Santa brought them a stocking with 5 small gifts in.
We bought them 2 main gifts each.

Mil asked for ideas. Like every year I give her a couple suggestions and ask her not to buy too much.

She's bought the things I suggested but has then bought loads more! Alot of which has completely overshadowed things dh & I have bought. E.g. I have bought dd(3) a lovely well made, slightly expensive toy. Mil has bought a pink, plastic crappy version of it. She's also bought a happyland doll set, very similar to the playmobil family set I got.

For eacch gift we have bought, there are 4 of grandma's. She's got them more than fucking santa.

I know she means well but she's completely stepped on our toes.

OP posts:

Misstic · 25/12/2016 19:53

OP you say the grandparents' presents overshadowed yours yet you also claim that you have put away a lot of what they brought and the kids have not noticed.

Much ado about nothing.

Original poster

Nameforsaken · 25/12/2016 20:37

There was still more miss I just put away a couple of the things they have duplicates of.

I know I'm totally being unreasonable, I don't need handing a grip. It's my issue which I need to sort, we grew up with very little money, even now we have to save and think before we buy, I just struggle with how flippant she is with money. It's great that she spends it on dc but I know of sooo many other things she could biy for them which would be so much more useful or nicer, more appreciated than what she does buy

OP posts:

Newbrummie · 25/12/2016 20:43

Nameforsaken - have you told her that ?
Perfect example ex's father would give them out of date boiled sweets when they barely had teeth, shitty second hand teddies that went straight in the bin. I thought he was really tight fisted, it slipped into conversation we were saving to buy them s piano and next year thus £3k thing turned up. He considered it a worthy gift do they got it

SantasJockstrap · 25/12/2016 20:45

flippin heck. grandparents really cant win can they

FranticalFidget · 25/12/2016 20:58

You would have hated my house this morning!

I think we got just the right amount of presents. Couple of big ones, couple of flavour of the year ones and a few little ones. Enough of a pile to make dd jump up and down and go 'wow' but not so humongous the poor child would have had to stop for water breaks to open. Dd of a toddler, ds is 8 months.

Then...MIL and Fil arrived. With giant beaming grins and sacks (yes that's right, sacks, three of them) of presents.

THEN Dm and Ddad rock up. Also with two sacks of presents and a giant shiny red motorised car!!!

We live in a tiny house. Fuck me.

However I can't get too worked up about it. They were so happy to see the dc's faces.

We figured out we are going to work on a rotational basis. We aren't getting them all out of the boxes yet. As they get bored of toys we will unbox some new ones and take the others to nursery/donate.

So we shouldn't have to buy any toys for the next twelve months at least

UnderbeneathsiesTheMistletoe · 25/12/2016 21:13

Why don't you have a glass of wine nameforsaken and relax?

Yes you were poor and yes you didn't get much, but that was in the past.
I'm also one who didn't have much money when growing up and my dad is dead, but I think it's lovely that my dcs GP show their love by buying presents.

Next year tell the gps that books are on the list if you want to shake things up.
Don't tell any of your toy presents list.
Ask for experiences for your dcs. Ballet shows, plays films. Trips to the zoo. Trips in a hot air ballon. You never know, you might just enjoy them too.

Relax about the money other people spend. It's not yours and it doesn't mean there's any less for you if your mil spends hers on your kids.

Be careful how you appear to your own kids. No point in being a kill joy or mean spirited.... they will remember that above all the 'tat'. I certainly remember my mum's grim face at Christmas when I preferred my uncles and aunties presents to me over her hand made stuff. Not ideal!

NothingIsOK · 25/12/2016 22:15

Good points northenlurker.

SheldonCRules · 25/12/2016 22:31

Grandparents really can't win, dot buy enough and they are mean, buy more and they are OTT and trying to take over. The amount that feel grandparents should stick to a list or forgo gifts and instead give cash for savings is awful, They should be free to shop themselves and if parents want savings or specific items they need to do it themselves.

Original poster

Nameforsaken · 25/12/2016 23:18

Yes but sheldon who's house do the gifts end up in if they are free to buy everything they want?

OP posts:

ThisThingCalledLife · 25/12/2016 23:24

how difficult is it to turn round to the adult who is ignoring your requests and make them stop?

I really don't get this passive inertia, maybe people just like complaining?

All you need to do is put the extra presents away when she arrives, tell her to choose x number of gifts for the dc. Yea, no doubt she'l make a fuss but YOU are the parents!

ILoveDolly · 25/12/2016 23:59

My fil often turns up with plastic bag full of charity shop toys. The kids love it. I hate it but you know what, it's not my present.

Cloudylemons · 26/12/2016 00:04

I'm sure you're fed up with all the extra toys, but my mother does nothing at all for her grandchildren, so I'd swap for your situation any day. At least your children's grandmother loves them and thinks of them.

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