To feel outdone by mil

[Nameforsaken]

I know I know I should be fucking grateful that she cares and she's bought them things.m

But I'm not, I'm pissed off.
There's fucking plastic crap all over the place.

Santa brought them a stocking with 5 small gifts in.
We bought them 2 main gifts each.

Mil asked for ideas. Like every year I give her a couple suggestions and ask her not to buy too much.

She's bought the things I suggested but has then bought loads more! Alot of which has completely overshadowed things dh & I have bought. E.g. I have bought dd(3) a lovely well made, slightly expensive toy. Mil has bought a pink, plastic crappy version of it. She's also bought a happyland doll set, very similar to the playmobil family set I got.

For eacch gift we have bought, there are 4 of grandma's. She's got them more than fucking santa.

I know she means well but she's completely stepped on our toes.

YANBU to be annoyed but YABU to give away someone else's presents! How would you feel if your husband took a dislike to something you received and then gave it away to a charity shop without discussing it with you first!

My ds hasn't looked twice at his santa presents!

He's spent the entire day so far playing with the tool set my mother gave him TWO days ago!!

Children don't equate presents with love, but they are nice to have!

YOU are the person that hugs him at night, tells him bedtime stories, cuddles him when he is sick! YOU are his mum and he loves you!

Grannies are amazing too but YOU are mum!

Have a and forget it!

yanbu its NOT what grandparents do ffs i was lucky if i got a colouring in book off my nan when i was a child! there really is no need for this kind of behavior

my mom and her sisters gave the kids cash this year i was so glad my house has been heaving in crap and ive made it clear im decluttering (im not sure what my ex and his parents are doing but if they buy too much its going back to their house just like last year)

my house is a HOME not a TOY SHOP

My mum does this - I was going to ask her this year to buy less but didn't realise she had finished her shopping in September so too late...

I just don't even bother competing these days. It's not worth it and It saves me money her getting them so much.

But yea it's annoying! But well intentioned.

Give it away if you don't like it. It's shit and YANBU OP

I can appreciate where you're coming from but it's normal GP behaviour this time of year especially if they're very young & are believers!
From the GP's pov they are in their eyes gaining enormous pleasure from experiencing the magic of Christmas again.
Maybe have a quiet & tactful word next year.

navy I don't really feel like giving lots of meanless presents is in the spirit of why I celebrate christmas

I'm certainly not trying to compete. All I want is for dc to have a few nice, thought out, meaningful presents.
Rather than the obvious, wander round toys r us and just chuck stuff in the trolley.

I would just put some aside, then rotate the toys throughout the year.

The only person peeved is you - don't let it ruin your xmas, really, its not worth it.

I'd send half of the toys home with her, the worst offending pink tat that is just tatty duplicates of what you already have.

She can make space in her own house for them, for when the children visit her.

And it might just stop her buying so much in the future if she thinks half the tat she buys will be residing in her own house.

Oh ffs relax.

My MIL used to do this when my kids were smaller. I got in the habit of leaving the "duplicates" in her house because "They already have one at home so it'd be nice for them to have one to play with in Granny's house too" with a big smile.

I think it's awful and very disrespectful to give away gifts that don't even belong to you.

Rather than being thankful that your children have a loving grandparent who likes to spoil them at Xmas you're spitting your dummy out as she's not done it your minimal way. There are thousands of people who would love their children's grandparents to still be here and wouldn't care less about gifts.

Who cares if they are pink or similar, what matters is what your children think.

It's not a competition. It's about kids been happy. I'd get it if she tried to control your Xmas traditions etc but buying pressies no.

I feel your pain OP, My in-laws (DHs mum and stepdad on the one hand, then his dad and stepmum on the other) go mad at Christmas

Each set of inlaws brought the kids a big bag full each of toys, including some very expensive stuff.

My own mother bought them one gift each and brought some home made cakes around for them

My mum felt a bit gutted that she hadn't been able to afford more and that her one gift each didn't look as good as the bagfulls DHs family bring. I felt bad for my mum, she can't afford to go all out like that

My ex's family do that, they get twice as much stuff, much cheaper and then it all breaks within minutes, days at most. One good quality gift is far better than 6 pieces of tat

Forgot to add, I told her not to worry, kids where over the moon with what she bought them.

But I think they need to calm down. I know it's not a competition but there is no need to buy that much

Definitely NBU.

My parents manage to be sensible in their gift giving. I appreciate this greatly. No point in having everything duplicated or ending up with so much stuff they can't possibly play with or appreciate it. It's ridiculous. I sometimes think it is so OTT that children then begin to expect this vast volume of toys/gifts, it's not wise.

I hope it's just been over enthusiasm, rather than MIL being one of those "competitive" grandparents who like to try and outdo the parents and the other set of grandparents by buying the most presents/spending the most money. My DBs PIL do this every year at christmas and birthdays- and spend time conspicuously making comparisons between what they gifted and how much my parents have spent/number of gifts they have bought my DN's. It's very odd and unnecessary.

I know how annoying this is but it's what grandparents do. What really annoys me is friends with kids who do it too. I love them and send cards but why do we need to swap cheap plastic crap at each other?!

I have found that asking the grandparents for clothes (making out like they really need them and it will be a big help) works to an extent. They then usually just get them one big toy in addition

I feel sure pretty soon some of the tat can do a disappearing trick. I regard it as one of the privileges of motherhood. Try not to fret too much, OP. It will blow over. When the DC are older, maybe you can have a chat about GP 'tendencies' to overdo things but meaning well.

She's also bought a happyland doll set

What the fuck is wrong with happyland

My youngest niece loves it.

Take it all to charity or a hospice for children.

I get my nieces very little after reading these threads.

People have a complicated relationship with gift giving and there's a lot of psychology behind it. It's not as simple as saying 'but she cares' or 'she wants to spoil them'.

Neither of my parents ever bought my kids much, nor ex's. £20 max per kid, nice problem to have I guess, you can buy less and put the money in the savings accounts. I don't think you can ask grandparents to do that.