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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My v good mate has asked me to babysit her son...........................

93 replies

MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 19:42

She said she was going to pay me and we agreed to 1 day a week. This was a few wks ago. She txt'd me last night about this wed, i didnt even know it was this week she was going back to work. She has not said anything about how much she is going to pay me. Should i call / txt her & ask or wait and see? My mum said not to do it if she offers me less than £15 for the day? Is that wrong? is it right? .................Help

OP posts:

julienetmum · 21/02/2007 16:08

It is illegal for the protection of children, pure and simple.

I am not a childminder so have no particular axe to grind about this.

Original poster

MagicalMay · 21/02/2007 16:21

Lizs - Well i thougt it was 2day but she never turned up, must have got it wrong, must be nxt wed.
Dizzybint - No never looked after him before, dont know his routine or anything. shes said before 'hes really good with people, he dont mind who his with' personaly i dont think he has a chance to mind.
Ginnedupmummy - Oh hunny i cant belive that happened. Im hoping shes going to offer a non-piss taking amount.
Lizs - I am going to declare it. I dont lie & yes your right i will be the one who gets into trouble, not her.
Ernest - Sorry her DS is 5mths ~ My DD is nearly 2.

OP posts:

divamumplus · 21/02/2007 16:40

hi magicmummy
i saw your thread yesterday and i didnt reply as i have no clue to child minding, but i just wanted say you seem to given so much information here about youself. i wouldnt surprise someone could report you, and make big trouble. i lost trust to mn since nutcrackers incident. ppl do some nasty thing, be careful good luck.
i think you are lovely person who geniunely decided to help friend for little money, good luck hope

RubberDuck · 21/02/2007 16:46

"It is illegal for the protection of children, pure and simple."

Hmm. Certainly many of my generation grew up with different mums taking home friends kids regularly after school as part of a non-financial childcare arrangement. It made going back to college/work a viable proposition for my mother and probably a great many other women.

While I can understand financially all should be above board and declared, for casual reciprocal arrangements between friends where no money exchanges hands I can't help seeing it as a step back and unnecessary red tape.

After all, the government WANTS more women to get back to work. They want to stop benefits for single women with kids of 11 and older. Not everyone has family nearby.

Original poster

MagicalMay · 21/02/2007 17:06

Thank you divamumplus for your concern. Can i ask what happened to nutcracker?

OP posts:

Original poster

MagicalMay · 21/02/2007 17:40

Man i have just re read this whole thread - Its just not worth it really is it.

Im going to do what DizzyBint, Ernest, Julienetmum, Shosha, Ellbell & Hassled have said - tell her i have found out 'childcare agreeements are illegal if done for more than 2 hours at a time on a regular basis for more than 6 days a year' If she does not understand then well she cant be that good a friend eh.

God i feel sick at the thoughts of phoning her Gotta be done though. Wish me luck

OP posts:

ernest · 21/02/2007 18:17

good luck!

PeachyClair · 21/02/2007 18:21

With my Mum (who wasnt registred but did my childcare and isnt very well off) I didnt pay her at all, but every birthdai I bought her a ridiculously nice holiday thata dded up to what the rate would have been

Original poster

MagicalMay · 21/02/2007 18:31

PeachyClair - Ah thats lovely bet she loved that.

Im going to need all the luck i can get - i hate letting people down

OP posts:

LIZS · 21/02/2007 18:32

nutcracker was/is a regular m'netter who had a DWP interview recently for possible benefit fraud having not declared that her ex-p had come back for a short period last summer in a reconciliation attempt, even though she hadn't claimed any extra as a result. Over the last few years she had given some detail on her life, family and circumstances and suddenly became aware that this information could be used against her in RL. She had all her posts deleted and left

If you don't want to commit to childminding, even on a part time basis , then you have to say no and you tack sounds neat. Good luck

Original poster

MagicalMay · 21/02/2007 18:37

Thank you Lizs and everyone for all your advise - i really did not know it was illegal. I thought as long as i declared it, i would have been ok. Well im glad i asked now.

OP posts:

julienetmum · 21/02/2007 22:21

Good Luck MagicalMay, as you say if your friend is prepared to let you risk doing something you could get in trouble for, she isn't really a friend.

mysonsmummy · 24/02/2007 23:46

magical may - are you ok? what did your friend say?

Original poster

MagicalMay · 26/02/2007 02:05

Hello Mysonsmummy - Sorry been away for a few days. Im ok thank you

It was the worst phone call ever. I still feel so bad for letting her down.
I said i had found out it was illegal if done for more than 2 hours at a time on a regular basis for more than 6 days a year (plus other rambling bits) & just said i cant take the risk . Well she didn't really seem to understand, She kept saying "yeah but ... yeah but....". Could tell in the tone of her voice she was really pissed off with me
We haven't spoke since. We normaly catch each other on the MSN & txt, But nothing for days now

OP posts:

Jennylee · 26/02/2007 02:20

That sucks, she sounds like a rubbish friend and it is better you know now. Maybe you could look into registering as a childminder if you want legal extra money? I knew a childminder and she alsways todl me that when she worked for friends it would work out badly as they would take advantage adn aske for extra time to pay the money in bits and turn up at odd times late or too early etc so maybe not doing this is best long term, but as a job it might be good as then there are clear boundaries when someone is seeing you as doing a service for them rather than a favour

Original poster

MagicalMay · 26/02/2007 02:35

Na i dont think i could do it F/T, i was just thinking of helping my mate out 1 day a week.
The thing that gets me is Why do you loose some of your friends when you have a baby? I've lost some good friends & other good friends are not as close as they use to be. (well i thought they were good friends anyway) Mind you i have become so so so much closer to 1 of my friends since i was pregnant its great

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Jennylee · 26/02/2007 13:39

Do the friends you have lost have babies too ? if they don't it is hard for them to understand what parenting entails adn that you are not free to go out and stuff as they are to the same extent, when it is friends who have children, sometimes people have such different views on parenting when they have children that it shows how little they have in common, I found it hard to stay friends with childless girls at uni as they just don't get it when I have had to cancel going out at the last minute or how I am always skint and I can;t take my ds shopping with them etc

Original poster

MagicalMay · 27/02/2007 00:11

Yeah i can understand that Jennylee. I had a bad preg - v ill and stuff going on - wouldn't have hurt the so called good friends to call or txt. Not just cut me out. Some of them are / were babyless. The one friend who i have grown so so so much closer to does not have a bubs, but since i became pregnant we have just became closer & closer Its great - shes a true friend
This friend who asked me to babysit - we were close then when i was preg seemed to drift away, and when i had DD she seemed to keep away. But as soon as she was pregnant she was calling me all the time and seeing me, Since her sons birth its like we're best buds again and none of the past happened. I cant help but feel upset about it.
Anyway thats another thread hehe lol

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