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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My v good mate has asked me to babysit her son...........................

93 replies

MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 19:42

She said she was going to pay me and we agreed to 1 day a week. This was a few wks ago. She txt'd me last night about this wed, i didnt even know it was this week she was going back to work. She has not said anything about how much she is going to pay me. Should i call / txt her & ask or wait and see? My mum said not to do it if she offers me less than £15 for the day? Is that wrong? is it right? .................Help

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 23:38

Oh i think im going to have a sleep and read all this again tomorrow then prob talk to her when she gets in from work.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 19/02/2007 23:41

You bought the double buggy?! I would have bought it if I was asking a friend to have either boy for me!

Original poster
MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 23:43

im not good at standing up for myself. I didnt knwo how to ask her and thought it was cheeky cause i'll only be having her son 1 day aweek. It was easier for me to just buy a 2nd hand one

OP posts:
mysonsmummy · 19/02/2007 23:44

why doesnt she put him in a nursery? is it about money?

not sure you can just take it cash in hand. you may be able to earn £20 but sure tax must be involved.

make sure you ask her if the child has a bad accident in your care what happens then? with cm you need insurance.

Original poster
MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 23:44

i know it sounds silly - saying it sounds silly but when im face to face i just loose my confidence

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 23:47

My mate & her DH want to save money so her mum is looking after Ds 2days a week & his mum is also 2days a week and im 1day a week. Im going to be the only one they will be paying, so they are saving lots

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 19/02/2007 23:49

I think you're being taken advantage of - and if you can't say things to her, it'll happen more and more. The double buggy is the first of many things if this is going to be a long-term solution for her. I don't see why she can't put him in nursery or with a CM for one day a week, since she's working and getting free childcare the rest of the week.

Original poster
MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 23:53

Yeah i know what your saying hunkermunker, but im one of them friends that will do anything for her friends. Now i have had DD and am on benefits i have noticed that i am being take for a mug by a few of my friends. didnt notice before.

OP posts:
mysonsmummy · 19/02/2007 23:58

also when you have the child you will take it out with you dd, food, etc etc. i am one of these people who never talks about things like this and then moan about it. my friend talks about these things up front and i wish i could be more like her. so i know exactly what you mean.

she may be get free childcare the rest of the days but you need the money - if you went back to work and she was on benefits would she charge you?? food for thought!

Original poster
MagicalMay · 20/02/2007 00:07

mysonsmummy - yes she would charge me - she would have said from the get go 'i'll do it for £££' where as with me i've been waiting for her to say by the way i'll be giving you £££. I dont know if you've read near the beg of this but i didnt know untill yesterday that she was starting back to work today and was exppecting me to look after DS wednesday. I've been putting off asking about the money for a week now but thought i had more time.
And yes i dont mean to be tight but i do need the money (i am a single mum), they both have v good jobs.
God i need a spine - do u know where i can buy one hehe lol

OP posts:
Ellbell · 20/02/2007 00:34

MM... I'd say that you can do it this week and next, but that you've just found out that it would be illegal to do this as a long-term arrangement, so she'll have to make alternative arrangements after next week. That way you are not letting her down, but neither do you risk getting yourself into trouble. If she's a really good friend and you want her to know that you are there for her, you could also say that she can call on you occasionally if her cm or one of the grandmas is ill. However, I really don't think you can do this as a regular arrangement... Good luck...!

dmo · 20/02/2007 09:32

you dont have to registar to look after children if you are related to the child so grandparents are fine
i would be wary of takin money off her and not being registared/paying tax if she is so strong minded because if it goes wrong you dont know who she will tell!!!

shosha · 20/02/2007 09:50

Message withdrawn

Vev · 20/02/2007 12:25

Does this work for babysitters minding kids at night as well? Do they need to be registered CMs?

ludaloo · 20/02/2007 12:30

Just wondering...some are saying you have to be a registered child minder to look after someone elses child in your own home...does this apply to the grandparents?

Ellbell · 20/02/2007 13:19

Vev

I think it applies to people looking after your kids in their own home. (So if they come to your house it's OK.)

shosha · 20/02/2007 13:22

Message withdrawn

cjs76 · 20/02/2007 13:31

be careful I had a friend who was looking after my ds 2 days a week £25 a day (she wasnt registered) and let me down at the last minute so had to put ds in his nursery which he went to the other 2 days while I worked and she still expected to be paid - was really my dp's friend now none of us speak to her!!

cjs76 · 20/02/2007 13:32

forgot to say I think it is reasonable to be paid £20ish

BadZelda · 20/02/2007 13:35

To balance this thread...or maybe introduce a slightly different take on it. I have been doing a childminding swap with 2 other mums for the last 18 months, and it has always worked brilliantly. We all met at the local One O'clock club, at the under-ones group. I haven't heard a lot of other people doing it though. Basically how it works is we all look after each other's children for about 6 hours a week. No money changes hands, but the children get to spend time with each other, and we each get 12-14 hours 'free' time (to work, or catch up with other tasks) each week. On top of the free childcare, I've found it really helpful having such a close relationship with other experienced mums, as we can share tips and answer each other's questions. Would any of you consider an arrangement like this?

Wags · 20/02/2007 13:41

My sister in law has my DC whilst I work 2 days. I pay her £20 per child per day and also supply her with a hot meal for them (send then with something frozen). DD now goes to nursery for a whole day on one of the days but as SIL goes with DS to pick her up then comes back to my house until I get home about half hour later, I pay her £30 for that day as she is using petrol etc. She was happy just to have £20 for that day but I insisted working on the basis she is underpaid already, has had the kids for 3 years and no pay rise. She also has a buggy that I got for her and we recently bought a buggy board for it for DD. We supplied travel cot for midday nap. Toys etc she has from when my nephews were little and she picks up bits and pieces from charity shop or friends so they have a varied amount to play with.
I think £15 is not enough.

shosha · 20/02/2007 13:51

Message withdrawn

LIZS · 20/02/2007 14:13

If she pays you at all you must still declare it to DSS even within the £20. They might, not unreasonably, be suspicious that you are actually getting more than that since that is well below the going rate. tbh sounds like she is taking advantage of your goodwill. What about if he had an accident while in your care ? How old is the other child, can you reasonably look after two little ones ?

julienetmum · 20/02/2007 16:03

Reciprocal childcare agreeements are illegal if done for mopre than 2 hours at a time on a regular basis for more than 6 days a year.

Eddas · 20/02/2007 16:16

I haven't read everyone's comments but my dd goes to my sil twice a week and I give her £20 a day. More of a gesture really so that i'm not taking the p. Sure it's not quite legal to not declare it on her part but if anyone asks I do not give her anything.

How would they prove it if i give her cash?

It's really up to you to decide what's the right amoutn of money. I know with my sil she said she didn't want anything but i couldn't do that as they have very little money and I know even £40 a weeks helps them a lot.