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AIBU?

My v good mate has asked me to babysit her son...........................

93 replies

MagicalMay · 19/02/2007 19:42

She said she was going to pay me and we agreed to 1 day a week. This was a few wks ago. She txt'd me last night about this wed, i didnt even know it was this week she was going back to work. She has not said anything about how much she is going to pay me. Should i call / txt her & ask or wait and see? My mum said not to do it if she offers me less than £15 for the day? Is that wrong? is it right? .................Help

OP posts:

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MagicalMay · 20/02/2007 16:23

Oh i dont know what to do now.
LIZS - I did say to her i was going to declare it cause it wont affect my benefits and its the right thing to do, but she said not to and if anything happens she will tell them she does not pay me, its just a friend helping another friend out - nothing to be suspicious about (her words not mine) She was quite ferm about it.
Her DS is 5mths and my DD is nearly 2.
Wags - Thats also the other thing - we have not really spoken about it proberly as it was for in the future, near future but still future. As far as i knew she was still haveing interviews! So i dont know about the food side, although 5mth he has started on baby food. Me to supply or her i dont know
BadZelda - that does sound a very good idea. Though i dont know anyone else that would do it with me

OP posts:

MagicalMay · 20/02/2007 16:33

Eddas - When she asked me she knew i was looking to earn some extra money. She said she will give me money for doing it but has avoided saying how much ever since. Im a single mum & really was looking to earn upto the £20 im allowed a week so it would effect my benefits but gave me that little extra.

OP posts:

ernest · 20/02/2007 16:33

you need to do what ellbell says, tell her you've looked into it and diddn't realise it was illegal, but now you know it is, then you can't do it, sorry. I'd also not be quite so forthcoming about offering to do it other times, eg if grandparents ill. She seems to be one of life's takers, and sounds like she'd come asking anyway plenty, and once you've offered, it's a lot harder to say 'no'.

How old is your lo? And hers?

shosha · 20/02/2007 16:35

Message withdrawn

MagicalMay · 20/02/2007 16:47

earnest - Its looking that way more and more. I hate letting people down though, esp when it a good mate (well mant to be anyway)
Shosha - Thats a good idea but i dont think i could do it full time, im not shy to come off benefits, just dont think i could CM all the time.

OP posts:

shosha · 20/02/2007 16:49

Message withdrawn

MagicalMay · 20/02/2007 16:51

Shosha - My mum was saying to me the other day she would become a cm for me so i can go back to work. Is it easy to become a cm? She said she would take a couple of other kids also to make the money up.

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shosha · 20/02/2007 16:55

Message withdrawn

MagicalMay · 20/02/2007 17:04

Im in Chelmsford, Essex

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LIZS · 20/02/2007 17:20

if you don't declare it they could interview you re: benefit fraud and stop your payments in the interim. Remember it would be you in trouble not her. Strange to insist on this unless she has an agenda of her own.

Have you sorted the logistics such as where he will sleep in the day time , what if your dd is sick on a Wednesday and you can't have him , or if he is ill, would you refuse to have him or call her form work? Sounds like a quick way to lose a "friend" either way. As a childminder you'd have a contract to determine this.

MagicalMay · 20/02/2007 17:35

no. We have not really spoken about the ins & outs as it was for in the future, (near future but still future). As far as i knew she was still having interviews! I assumed she was going to come round to talk about things properly before hand.
OK im gonna borrow a spine and talk to her tonight. This is stressing me out now.

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ernest · 20/02/2007 18:00

oh good luck. These things aren't easy.

How about writing on a sheet of paper all of the concerns that have been raised here, like

being done for benefit fraud.
Insurance.
What if your child sick?
What if her child sick?
Registering as a cm
payment (which would be high, as reflecting pay of cm)

etc etc etc

Then you'll be able to point out with more support how it's just not going to work out, as you's agreed before these issues had been brought to your attention.

In the interim either her or her dh's parents'll be able to do an extra day or she'll have to dip her hand in her pocket and actually get proper paid childcare.

DOn't feel bad, you tried to help, but you can't put your money (and sanity) at risk.

J20BABY · 20/02/2007 20:11

This reply has been deleted

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pookey · 20/02/2007 20:43

A friend of mine is on benefits and she is looking into childminding so i think it must work out, but if you find it hard being forceful with people about money it might not be the job for you as you would be self employed and having to call all the shots about issues such as payment if mothers cancel at short notice etc.

I would back out of this agreement with your friend in the way that has been suggested, chances are things will go sour if you look after her child and the doublebuggy thing def rings alarm bells for me aswell.

Hope it goes ok.

MagicalMay · 20/02/2007 22:50

Great been trying to speak to her all night, just said she'll have to speak to me tomorrow as she is knackered & off to bed!
I got myself all geared up as well.
Oh well i'll try again tomorrow

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LIZS · 21/02/2007 09:29

So is she expecting you to look after him today ? with no discussion beforehand ?

DizzyBint · 21/02/2007 09:47

this is ridiculous. find your spine and say no. she has a 5 month she is planning to just leave with you for a full day?? have you even had him for any time at all before now on your own? do you know his routine at all? has she told you anything about him or what comforts him or anything?! and this is today or next wednesday.....?

i just think this is awful.. i'm all for mums helping each other out but your friend is really taking the almighty piss here. she knows you have no spine and will just keep taking advantage while you say nothing.

LittleSarah · 21/02/2007 09:59

'Reciprocal childcare agreeements are illegal if done for mopre than 2 hours at a time on a regular basis for more than 6 days a year.'

Reading such ridiculous stuff really depresses me sometimes. How can they justify making it illegal for friends to care for each others children on a regular basis.

UGH.

ernest · 21/02/2007 10:31

well, clearly to stop illegal earnings, bebfit fraud, but mostly to ensure the tax man gets his fair share.

RubberDuck · 21/02/2007 10:41

"Reading such ridiculous stuff really depresses me sometimes. How can they justify making it illegal for friends to care for each others children on a regular basis."

Totally agree. My mother-in-law went back to work on the basis that she looked after her friends kids two days a week and friend looked after dh & sil two days. No money ever exchanged hands, was a happy arrangement for many years.

Illegal now.

Mental.

ginnedupmummy · 21/02/2007 11:11

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ginnedupmummy · 21/02/2007 11:13

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ernest · 21/02/2007 11:15

you're braver than me anyway, is your 5 month old your first? Blimey, when ds1 was 5 months, I found it enough of a struggle to manage him, never mind another baby. Of course, after 2 more kids it seemed like a doddle, but I found my first really hard work - such a lot to learn and constantly changing.

Sounds like she was trying to avoid the conversation she knew you wanted to have. be brave and stand up to her.

BadZelda · 21/02/2007 12:27

Shosha: It is really sad to discover this is illegal: in what sense? Is it because people would not be insured? All the children are over 2...and none of us are claiming tax credits on the money saved on nursery or a childminder. I'd really be interested to discover the legal ins and outs and on what basis they've made it illegal - I'd certainly trust the other mum's more than many childminders when it comes to looking after my daughter.

shosha · 21/02/2007 13:27

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