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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to hide from the inlaws for the rest of Christmas...

125 replies

FriedPisces · 24/12/2016 20:05

Fabulous start to the family festivities today:
Go to visit MIL and her DH. Exchange gifts. DS (6) unwraps a tin for carrying his Hot Wheels cars around. Excellent! Takes off clingfilm and unclips it to find it empty. Cries big blobby tears, quietly says "it's empty." Explain we can put his cars in it when we get home. He then Loudly and angrily declares it the "worst present I have ever received! I HATE IT"
Christ I was mortified. Did explain quietly so as not to make even more of a scene that we can put the cars in later and we mustn't say things like that when we receive gifts because now GM is sad (she wasn't sad, she was fucking furious 😳)
Took him a while to come round but he left hugging it to his chest. Said to MIL that I was sorry, his reactions to things are something we're working on and will get him to send a thank you card but she said "well it annoyed me. Not sure he'll be getting anything for his birthday." Sigh. So yeah. Merry Christmas to me.
Then we discover that DD has bloody headlice! Fucking hell!
WIBU to hide from the DIL and his DW and my perfect BILs and SILs tomorrow?

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 25/12/2016 15:13

Er Chiperton behaviour childish, she is only 6 fgs, a little child! What does she expect, giving him an empty tin, he also had the little Hotwheels cars on his list too, would not have hurt for her to be a couple to put in there, or a few little ones from the £ shop! Its amazing that people expect young children to be old before their time, he is 6 so reacted accordingly. If you read the rest of op posts, there is a backstory to her behaviour.

Chipperton · 25/12/2016 16:11

He did not react accordingly. He reacted like a brat. Even my 3 year old knows that speaking to someone like that is not acceptable. Similarly, my 6 year old niece wouldn't dream of saying anything so rude, if she did my sister would be horrified.

I get rather fed up of people excusing frankly embarrassing and brat-like behaviour of children who are old enough to know better. Children must learn that it is extremely rude to behave like this and to be reprimanded promptly.

For the record I don't think the MIL has acted her age either. My post made reference to the MIL as childish.

LindyHemming · 25/12/2016 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chipperton · 25/12/2016 16:29

We're actually very close. She's from a different generation and she never accepted rude behaviour from us, even as children. I don't think that's fucked up at all. We were all well mannered children. We also have well mannered children ourselves. It's really not that controversial.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/12/2016 16:49

chipperton good for your 3 year old, but he is still a child and reacted how a lot of children would. Mil is fucked up, and am glad die the back storey he reacted that way. I would seriously distance myself.

LotsOfShoes · 25/12/2016 17:21

I guess DS was a little bit rude in his reaction but, in fairness, it is a shit gift. To be given an empty tin is just...shit. And his list had the tin + cars so she only bought half the gift.

LotsOfShoes · 25/12/2016 17:24

And what kind of mother makes jokes about one of her children being her least favourite? Seriously? She sounds mean and toxic. Probably enjoys the drama. She really set DS up to fail and can now justify to herself not "loving" this grandchild as much as the others.

P1nkP0ppy · 25/12/2016 17:31

My DD's reaction was similar years ago when mil gave her a Thomas the Tank Engine coat hanger 😳
DD still remembers it.

DailyFail1 · 25/12/2016 17:38

Chiperton I agree. I have kids from 4-8 in the family, lots of them, and none of them would act so brattishly. They are genuinely happy with every present they get.

Graphista · 25/12/2016 18:31

What the hell kind of grandmother doesn't hug their grandkids?!

He's 6 maybe a little extreme but not unpredictable, lot of perfectly behaved under 10's being referenced I've never met one, they're still very much learning social rules at that age.

Can't think of a similar excuse for the mil! As pp said even a few sweets would have been better than totally empty.

Original poster

FriedPisces · 25/12/2016 19:29

Thanks again for the reassurances/understanding. He's had a couple of things he wasn't expecting today (clothing), he didn't act crossly, he said thank you and got on with playing. He wasn't allowed to get away with the behaviour yesterday, he was told it was unacceptable. He knows. Going by his reactions to clothing gifts today I believe he has learnt from it. I was embarrassed - actually I was fucking mortified. He's not a precious snowflake, if he does wrong he is pulled up on it. But as I've explained a couple of times now, I didn't want to raise my voice and make more of a scene, the whole situation was excruciating enough as it was.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 25/12/2016 20:43

So dailyfail yiur children are perfect all the time and never have a wobble. Get over yourself. Yes his reaction was a bit extreme, but I doubt very much that most 6 year olds would be happy with en empty tin, at the very most they wou,d look disappointed, and chuck Ito the side.

SeaEagleFeather · 25/12/2016 22:21

He wasn't allowed to get away with the behaviour yesterday, he was told it was unacceptable. He knows

look, im sorry, but I don't think he was as rude as all that.

What matters in life? Heart-warmth or pleasing relatives or a mixture of the two?

Your son is -six-. You need to learn a few manners, but anyone who holds a touch of social ineptitude against a six year old is someone who needs a heart.

You shouldn't have been fucking mortified. You should have calmly explained to him, just as you did. Then you should have let your cold -hearted mother in law's shit roll right off the broad back I hope you have.

SeaEagleFeather · 25/12/2016 22:22

I mean -he- needs to learn a few manners at that age. But it's not that big a deal to any normal adult!

Notcontent · 25/12/2016 22:32

It's the mind of gift that makes perfect sense to an adult - "oh, how practical, I can put all my cars in it!" - but to a child it's just an empty box.

Original poster

FriedPisces · 25/12/2016 22:42

I think I'm mortified because of who the gift giver was really. It's a trying relationship between her and my - well, her son's really - family at best. She won't forget this.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 25/12/2016 23:04

Honestly, she sounds very toxic, and if she won't forget it, and blames a young child, says a lot about her. I woukd seriously distance yourselves from her, your chikdren and you don't need it.

DailyFail1 · 26/12/2016 01:13

Aeroflotgirl - they aren't perfect but we do gift giving and Christmas a bit differently. It's part of a whole event/experience, not the point of it.

Bumbleclat · 26/12/2016 06:14

It says something about your MIL that she thought this would be in anyway a nice gift???
I sounds like you did everything you could to explain to him that he hadn't reacted appropriately.
My DSD did something similar when she was 6 and as hurt as I was that she had responded to a beautiful cartridge paper sketch book I got her I was not annoyed with her I was annoyed that her dad (my DP) didn't even thank me on her behalf or pick her up on it.

Oswin · 26/12/2016 06:37

She sounds just like my gran, I was the least favourite like your ds. She never hugged and held grudges.

I wish my parents would have gone nc earlier, she really fucked me up.

A few years ago she sent presents for everyone in my family, parents,db, dsis, nephews and nieces.
Absolutely nothing for me and dd.

Fadingmemory · 26/12/2016 06:59

Whatever the present, the ideal is for the child to thank the giver politely no matter how disappointed he or she may be and no matter how small the present. However, young ones become so full of expectation, tired etc that it is easy for them to feel disappointed and say so. Some children (and I am not making this point specifically about your son because I have no idea) are hugely over-indulged and feel entitled. You did well to discuss it quietly at home later. Your MIL should have kept her feelings to herself. She should not threaten to punish your son by not giving him a birthday present. The tin was on his list and he assumed perhaps reasonably that there should have been cars in it. At 6, though, he is old enough to begin to learn to be polite and you rightly spoke to him. Your MIL's behaviour was utterly appalling. No one has perfect children and there are no perfect parents - play that as a mantra in your head. If MIL carps about this incident she is just confirming that she has no idea how to behave. If the other people you mention are able to behave like adults they will refrain from reacting or commenting unless in private away from children. Put it down to experience. Can you use the headlice as an excuse to avoid the others until you feel you can cope with being near them? Try and enjoy the rest of Christmas.

BenefitsQuestions · 26/12/2016 07:04

Hang on - that's not a crap present !!

We got the same thing for DS who is 4 and he loved it. Fully understood that it was to store his cars in.

Original poster

FriedPisces · 26/12/2016 07:41

No, it's not a crap present really, I just think he thought it would have some cars in it. There were cars on the list but she didn't get them. He was already tired and over excited, all of them were practically vibrating with excitement on Christmas Eve so yes I think his reaction reflected the level of disappointment and the excitement running high. Harder to control my own emotions let alone a 6yo!
We don't see her a massive amount tbh, she lives in the same city but 15 minutes away. She rarely invites us over (and vice versa but there are reasons for this) so the kids don't see her much. The DC have started to ask "why is GM like that?" when she does something that shocks or surprises them/us which is sad and worrying that they've noticed already but an example of something else she's said is when DD had her long hair cut into a beautiful bob, GM looked after the DSs as I was struggling to get her an appointment when DH was about and she wanted it done before her birthday. Anyway, we got home from the hair appointment and MIL said "Oh...well it'll look better when it's been washed I suppose." She is hard to be around sometimes. Many excuses for her behaviour are made.

OP posts:

Ahickiefromkinickie · 26/12/2016 07:59

Chipperton silent treatment is bullying behaviour, not 'adult' behaviour.

So sad that you think it's nit fucked up at all.

Ahickiefromkinickie · 26/12/2016 08:00

*not not nit

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