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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to hide from the inlaws for the rest of Christmas...

125 replies

FriedPisces · 24/12/2016 20:05

Fabulous start to the family festivities today:
Go to visit MIL and her DH. Exchange gifts. DS (6) unwraps a tin for carrying his Hot Wheels cars around. Excellent! Takes off clingfilm and unclips it to find it empty. Cries big blobby tears, quietly says "it's empty." Explain we can put his cars in it when we get home. He then Loudly and angrily declares it the "worst present I have ever received! I HATE IT"
Christ I was mortified. Did explain quietly so as not to make even more of a scene that we can put the cars in later and we mustn't say things like that when we receive gifts because now GM is sad (she wasn't sad, she was fucking furious 😳)
Took him a while to come round but he left hugging it to his chest. Said to MIL that I was sorry, his reactions to things are something we're working on and will get him to send a thank you card but she said "well it annoyed me. Not sure he'll be getting anything for his birthday." Sigh. So yeah. Merry Christmas to me.
Then we discover that DD has bloody headlice! Fucking hell!
WIBU to hide from the DIL and his DW and my perfect BILs and SILs tomorrow?

OP posts:
Brewdolf · 24/12/2016 23:29

My DD is coming up to 6 and is starting to get vocal on her disappointments, the big one at the moment being cards. We try to explain to her that there are only so many cards out there so there'll be some repeats. MIL laughs but makes odd comments about her attitude. Fair enough you'd think, but she never successfully taught her youngest favourite DS to not be rude over a card or present and he's mid 30s now.

Allalonenow · 24/12/2016 23:32

Well it was a rubbish present for a six year old, what six year old would want an empty tin?? Confused
As for MIL, she needs to give her head a wobble.

It will be a good story for him to tell in the years to come though, how his well off granny gave him an empty tin for a Christmas present. Xmas Smile

SantasJockstrap · 24/12/2016 23:39

my DC reacted like that when receiving a present from my mother once.It was embarrassing behaviour on his part however I think the following behaviour by my mother topped that..

never did buy him anything else,and that happened 20 years ago, not even a birthday card nothing

tooclosetocall · 24/12/2016 23:52

And MiL? who gives her a stern talk?
YANBU OP, your DS is 6 and 6yo are honest and speak freely. Good to have thad he chat with him but your MIL acted like a child and pity no one reprimanded her. You have my sympathy Flowers as mine is much worse the same.

tooclosetocall · 24/12/2016 23:54

Had the, not thad he Confused

Original poster
FriedPisces · 24/12/2016 23:56

It is reassuring to know he's not the only one, I have to say. Sometimes it does feel like one or more of my DCs are unique and I've no idea how to handle them. Especially DS3!
But jeez, Santas, that's harsh. Sorry to hear that. I have a feeling my DS will get vouchers and barbed comments from now on. We shall see.

OP posts:
thegoodnameshadgone · 25/12/2016 00:34

I'm lost. Was there no hot wheels at all??

thegoodnameshadgone · 25/12/2016 00:35

Sorry read back through the threads, she gave him a hot wheels tin with no hot wheels?

IAmNotAWitch · 25/12/2016 01:59

Who gives a 6 year old an empty tin? I wouldn't give anyone an empty container, even if the container itself is the gift you put something in it.

My 6 year old would react in the same way, my 13 year old would control the reaction.

Its a shit present.

Any barbed comments directed at my kids would be thrown straight back with interest. AND I would back them doing the same.

Again, you teach people how yo treat you.

Nishky · 25/12/2016 09:08

It was not an empty tin!! It was a storage box for hot wheels that the child's parents requested was bought for him!

Can't believe the replies in this thread.

LindyHemming · 25/12/2016 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 25/12/2016 09:20

My son would have been the same at that age. He was very passionate about Hotwheels! He might not have said anything but he would have not been able to hide in his face and body language the fact that he was devastated!

DoosyFartlek · 25/12/2016 09:27

I think you just need to accept that she's loaded and not interested in generously treating her grandchildren. And choose not to get upset about it. Choose how you react.

Do your kids have a lot of material stuff? Mine would have been delighted with a case for something.

You did the right thing by talking to your son. Sadly your mil seems to be a big toddler and plays favourites. I think you just need to let this pass over you and take it as a firm reminder to treat all your children the same.

DoosyFartlek · 25/12/2016 09:30

My IL's and parents would have totally had a different reaction. We would have all laughed about it and made a lot of jokes while explaining to child about how to receive gifts

Astro55 · 25/12/2016 09:32

I see nothing wrong with children's honesty - after all we teach them to be honest!!!

Wouldn't it be great if we were all a bit more honest?

Billben · 25/12/2016 09:40

I don't think I would have been able to bite my tongue at your MIL's comment about your DS's future birthday present though. She sounds horrible

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 25/12/2016 09:42

Was it this one?

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B00DI6OM9I/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1482658851&sr=8-4&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=hot+wheels+4+lane+raceway&dpPl=1&dpID=51EB%2BmpUSVL&ref=plSrch

We got it for DS. It's fab, but it's a bloody good job we'd also bought a load of cars from Poundland.

Birdsgottafly · 25/12/2016 09:47

Speaking as a Nan and someone who had a Nan, been round Nans, unless there is a diagnosed condition, she's a disgrace not hugging her Grandchildren.

She set it that they're going for gifts and not to see her (why would they want to?), so if she gets the gift wrong, a six year old is going to give an honest reaction.

OP, lets face it, in the future you're going to have to take the piss out of her, so your children know that it's her and not them, that's the problem.

So sod her.

Tanith · 25/12/2016 10:45

Many years ago, our elderly next door neighbour bought my then 6 year old sister some underwear for her birthday. She stayed to see it unwrapped.
Mum was mortified when my sister unwrapped it, said " Huh! Knickers!" and tossed them aside.

Our neighbour was very old-school with grandchildren of her own, though they were older. She was not afraid to give her opinion on the manners and behaviour of the young.
On this occasion, she laughed until she nearly cried and acknowledged that she might be a bit out of touch with buying presents for little ones.

She told Mum to stop scolding my sister: she said she loved the honesty of little children still learning what should and should not be said.

She may have been out on the present-buying, but she certainly understood children! What a shame your MIL does not - fancy getting offended by a 6 year old!

Nishky · 25/12/2016 12:11

There is a huge difference between a child being unable to hide their disappointment, which is a normal reaction and a child at 6 declaring 'it's the worst present in the world, I hate it'

SeaEagleFeather · 25/12/2016 12:17

Your son reacted strongly but I can really understand his disappointment.

MIL is a bit of a cow, isn't she? A nicer reaction would have been to say "oh I'm very sorry, my mistake, shall we go to the shops and find something to fill it on Tuesday?" It'd only cost a few quid for a couple of cars and you said she's got enough.

Audreyhelp · 25/12/2016 13:16

Well I have four grandchildren. Yes they are sometimes a bit ungrateful and rude. They are corrected but I still love them to bits and certainly wouldn't hold a grudge they are children .
She just sounds awful and petty and like a child herself.

WellKnackered · 25/12/2016 13:35

I see nothing wrong with children's honesty - after all we teach them to be honest!!!

I hope you are joking Hmm.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/12/2016 14:33

The boy is only 6, not 16 and is still learning. MIL bloody deserved that reaction from him, especially as she is vocal that your DH is the least favourite, and ds is the least favourite grandchild. She sounds utterly toxic, and I would distance myself from her. I think that was deliberate, I feel she wanted to get a reaction from your little ds, so she could tell people how bad and ungrateful he is.

Chipperton · 25/12/2016 14:53

It is a bit of a lame gift, but it was on your list so not really a surprise that she bought it? If she's of the older generation she might just be a bit frugal.

I do think your son was rude and it's good that you've pulled him up on this. Her behaviour was childish, but don't expect her to change. I once had a falling out with my Grandma when I was 6 years old because showed unsufficient gratitude for something. She didn't speak to me all day - basically she treated me like an adult. I'm actually very fond of her and still remember the lesson many years later.

Perhaps next year you should only put cheap and cheerful gifts on the list which you know your DC will be happy with. For what it's worth, I don't think anyone should feel compelled to spend more than their budget on a gift.

My Parents haven't bought DS anything now for 3 years running, they are beyond useless. Your DC should be grateful that they got a present at all.