to ask whether anyone has recovered from a 'stranger' rape

[myoriginal3]

And if so how?
Time ?
Counselling?
Meds?

I am struggling massively. I just want to hear that I can get over this.

PM me where you live if you like - I may be near or perhaps another MNetter may be?

My heart goes out to you.

I'm in London

I have all the professional help going. I guess I just need to know will I recover.

I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say I am so sorry that happened to you.

OP, I hope you know your partner is wrong.

OP, I really hope you can remove your partner from your life, he sounds sadistic and extremely toxic and he is only causing you further damage
I think it will be very difficult for you to begin to heal and recover while he is around.
Are there people around that you can trust to be kind and supportive?

Also this might be a long shot but could any of your appointments be conducted over Skype?

I did not tell anyone for the longest time, and tried to deal with it myself.

Even though it has been many years ago, it still bothers me from time to time. I find it very helpful to talk with DH, we talk through how I'm feeling, he is very supportive. And I have a best friend that experienced the same, but she no longer lives in England anymore ... but she was great support too.

Many years ago I joined aftersilence.org forum, some amazing people there. I also find that very helpful. Also, giving some advice there feels good to me, because I can help other people.

It will get better.

I hope the bastard that did this to you is caught and locked up....or better again dies!!

Have you confided in any of your MH team about your abusive husband? I don't think you will ever be able to recover properly with him around.

Oh, you poor love. I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through.

I had a woman from Rasac come over every week to see me for a year or so. She was an angel. She totally had me believe that none of it was my fault.

Do you have anyone like that?

it happened to me in 1991.

After a (long) while it became just one other shitty thing which has happened in my life

at some point over the last 20 or so years, really in the last 5 I can walk by myself at night without having a panic attack. I take a night class which requires me to do this and I can, now. It would have been unthinkable 10 years ago.

I did not have counselling, I tried and they were very unsympathetic and so I didn't persist in trying to find an alternative.

I've not heard of rasac. They're apparently having a marec meeting about me but I don't know what that is really apart from them sharing information between police and medics?

Your GP can come to you. Ask for a home visit.

Your partner needs to understand or go.

I'm so very sorry you're going through this.

Hi OP, I kept ignoring this, mainly because I didn't feel brace enough to read. However, here I am!

It gets better. It takes a long time and you will have to learn to be gentle and to love yourself first before anything else.

There will be much anger and grief - anger about him, about yourself, about other people, about why and how and what and where etc. There will be grief of a life you could have had and how that's changed.

It does get better.

It happened to me 12 years, 10 months, and 20 days ago. I was held in a disused building and locked in. He stole my underwear as a trophy. He was arrested and had done similar before but it was his word against mine and I was gagging for it. Apparently. I have a scar on my back from carpet burn from trying to get away. I was too embarrassed to tell the police he had anally raped me too. I sent to seek help the next morning but the triage nurse ignored my story and just sent me to the maternity until to get the morning after pill, where another nurse mistook my tears for shame about being silly. No one listened to me and no one helped. It took three weeks to report it and when it finally came down to a decision to prosecute, the CPS decided there wasn't enough evidence to charge him but he would be charged with drug offences.

Since then, I have had good and bad experiences in life, but I have been stronger and more determined to be heard. It has shaped my life in a way I couldn't have imagined but I have never given into him again and I will never let him conquer me again.

I still have flashbacks and I still have moments where I want to be sick, but it does get better. You will get through this, even if it's just 5 minutes at a time.

Be kind to yourself. Find something that will help you ground yourself - yoga, meditation. Have therapy - that helped me massively.

If you want to pm me, please do.

I am sending you my most positive and strong thoughts and a hug. Remember. It gets easier

P.S your partner sounds like a massive thundercunt.

There is an online resource, Pandora's aquarium, which I found super helpful. Its all peer support - it has a chat room for immediate feelings and also a forum.

shakey

I think that i was helped massively that everyone from the police to the judge were great with me and treated me with respect. I know i was incredibly lucky for this.

The judge sent someone to ask if i smoked and if i did i could go and use his balcony from his office. I know that sounds like nothing but i felt i had his support.

shakey

OP it will get better. It won't completely go away. You'll probably always be warier than before, not feeling comfortable being alone with unfamiliar men etc but you will get better.

Walking down the street will be normal again. You'll begin to trust male friends and relatives again. You'll begin to have a rational instead of hyper emotional.

But it will take time.

Time, good friends and the right therapy.

OP it sounds like you don't know what's going on with the MH team. If I've got that right, then it's not on. You have a right to know who is doing what, why and when.

Next working day, can you phone them and find out? They should be there to help you but they also can't mind read. Write down some questions - like "am I ever going to get better?" and ask them. Ask them how. Ask them about EMDR or what other therapies they provide. Ask them how you can get to appointments or whether they can come to you (maybe not, but no harm in asking). Ask them about out of hours help. Ask them how many sessions per week you can have. Ask them to explain anything no matter how small that you don't quite understand. You have a right AND need to know exactly what's going on and all the options, or even if there are no options.

And when you talk to someone about what's going on, don't hold back about the symptoms. I know they're exhausting and I know that it's exhausting to talk about them and even triggering, but it's really important that they're all known. Being triggered by beards wouldn't have been as major an issue 10 years ago as it is now because they're everywhere!

I promise you that the symptoms - flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks - can all be dramatically reduced, if not eliminated. You WILL be able to walk down the street without crying. It won't happen over night, but it can change. And I know I'm some random on the internet, but this is an area of personal and professional experience for me.

And I'm so sorry that there were witnesses who did nothing. What they did - or did not do - was horrific.

You didn't deserve or ask for any of this. At all.

And shakey

"I guess the great big unmentioned elephant in the room is my 'partner' who relishes in telling me I wasn't raped, I just wanted it."

You've just named your current most pressing problem. This guy needs to go. Now.

I was raped by an intruder who broke into my flat one night. He did bad stuff to me. He brought an instant camera. It went on for a few hours.

I suffered some weird psychological symptoms for a year or so afterwards (sleepwalking, "waking dreams"....). Not all the time, just something that happened now and again. I still have an exaggerated startle reflex that kicks in if I someone approaches me suddenly without any warning. It started after I was raped. Other than that, yes, I did recover from it, and eventually it just became "something horrible that happened to me once."

It does get better.

Please consider trying some of the resources that other posters here have mentioned.

Hi sorry you are going through this. You don't have to go to a clinic to have STD testing you can get a home test kit sent to your house. Theres adverts up all over the place around here. Not London. But I'm sure it must be available in London too!

You could try something like EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). It is supposed to be very helpful for dealing with PTSD.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing

That's utterly horrific Mary
These men make me sick to my stomach.