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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask whether anyone has recovered from a 'stranger' rape

106 replies

myoriginal3 · 24/12/2016 04:08

And if so how?
Time ?
Counselling?
Meds?

I am struggling massively. I just want to hear that I can get over this.

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Original poster
myoriginal3 · 24/12/2016 06:52

I have made two unsuccessful attempt s to get to gp.

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siscaza · 24/12/2016 06:53

It won't feel the same and you will adjust to that I promise, your new world will be slightly different of course but with time and help you will get there.

Original poster
myoriginal3 · 24/12/2016 06:53

No, I can't afford private treatment.

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siscaza · 24/12/2016 06:55

At my GP we can have telephone appointments, would that be an option?

heartbreak123 · 24/12/2016 06:56

I haven't suffered stranger rape but I was groomed and raped in my youth repeatedly by An Asian gang.
You need to try to get to grips with it now before it destroys the rest of your life. I have long term PTSD and have made horrendous relationship choices because i didn't seek help or understanding or acceptance when it happened. You are strong, you are alive and you have to believe in yourself and not let this one disgusting act define you or destroy your future.
Not everyone is bad and you have to listen to the rational side of your brain and don't give up you will get through thisFlowersFlowers

Original poster
myoriginal3 · 24/12/2016 06:56

I guess the great big unmentioned elephant in the room is my 'partner' who relishes in telling me I wasn't raped, I just wanted it.
Such a bloody mess.

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heartbreak123 · 24/12/2016 07:00

He needs to go. Those kind of words will do more long term damage than the actual act.
Time on your own to rediscover yourself and then make good relationship choices. Your partner is a pig for saying that! In my eyes no better than the perpetrator! He is supposed to love you but is keeping you down when you need people to support you and pick you back up xxxxx

Original poster
myoriginal3 · 24/12/2016 07:00

I need to have an std check but that involves waiting rooms which I can't seem to manage!
I also have other problems but can't be on a bus!
I wish I could go back and kill the cunt .

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Original poster
myoriginal3 · 24/12/2016 07:02

Heartbreak. I think I have finally ditched him. Please God.

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heartbreak123 · 24/12/2016 07:02

Small baby steps, set yourself targets. Like ride a bus one stop with someone you trust.
I think you would have been tested when you went to the clinic after you reported it xx

heartbreak123 · 24/12/2016 07:03

Good, see if you can ditch him you are stronger than you give yourself credit for xxx

Original poster
myoriginal3 · 24/12/2016 07:07

I never went to a clinic. The police took swabs? I presume that was DNA testing though?

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AutumnalLeaves38 · 24/12/2016 07:08

Sending my best wishes that you can access whatever kind of help that's right for you, and support from people who actually care about your welfare and healing.

Sounds like you're being badly let down on that front, currently.

Bumping this for you Flowers

Champagneformyrealfriends · 24/12/2016 07:10

Can someone you trust go with you to the gp? I don't even know what to say about your partner, even sweary names don't cut it.

I have a friend who was sexually assaulted for years and only recently told people-he's been having counselling and is on anti-depressants and they've really helped him.

heartbreak123 · 24/12/2016 07:12

Maybe it was just DNA then.
I wish I could help in some way, you just remind me of myself with the lack of support and I know lack of support now makes the whole thing affect you for longer.
I have lots of PTSD triggers but I have been dealing with it for 15 years so not in your heightened state. I'm now alone with children and only now trying to come to terms with it and truly move on.

Original poster
myoriginal3 · 24/12/2016 07:14

I know that nothing will ever be the same again. But I guess that's ok.
If I can manage to walk down the street without crying that will be good.
I can't explain how different I used to be.

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Original poster
myoriginal3 · 24/12/2016 07:16

Heartbreak you're so kind.

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Original poster
myoriginal3 · 24/12/2016 07:18

Champagne. Thank you.
I'd quite happily murder all men right now lol.
I have no weapons

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peaCOCKness · 24/12/2016 07:24

I'm sorry I have no better advice than that already given but I am so sorry this horrible awful thing happened to you. I really hope you can find the support that you need and find peace and happiness in your life. Have you got a good friend or family to lean on? As others have said baby steps. If you can get the gp to telephone you or come out that might be a good start. Tell him or her that the
Mental Heath support you are getting is not right and you need better support now! So glad to hear you ditched this so called partner he's a total dick and what he says shows his level of idiocy and insecurity and is absolutely not true. Be kind to yourself. Lots of love xx

Klaptout · 24/12/2016 07:31

I'm sorry that you were raped, you will understandably be in shock and it doesn't sound like your partner is helping you.
Do you have someone you can talk to, someone who will really listen?
When you are able to talk about it you will be amazed by all the people who say it happened to them.
Rape crisis were really supportive both on the phone and with their counselling. Is there a woman's centre near you or a woman's aid, they may be able to help or can point you somewhere that can.
Talking, being heard and believed were the things that I found helped most.
Giving a statement helped me feel I was getting some of the power back that had been stolen from me.
Someone also mentioned and I've heard good things about EMDR.

Klaptout · 24/12/2016 07:35

If you find it hard to talk about what happen can you write it down for GP and close friend.

SarcasmMode · 24/12/2016 07:46

Your posts are bringing tears to my eyes OP. Some people can be so cruel.

If you don't mind me asking, how long ago was this?

Your 'partner' is a vile human being nearly as bad as a rapist and should be nowhere near you.

Have you got any female friends who could go to the GP with you?

If you lived near me id happily go with you Flowers

MidnightDexy · 24/12/2016 07:47

I'm so sorry. I have no idea what to say or recommend but i couldn't read that and scroll on. You have been through probably the most horrific thing imaginable but you survived and you're ready to talk and take steps to heal. You are brave. Please continue to disengage with your 'partner'. Do you have someone to spend christmas with? Family / friend to spend the day with?

ClopySow · 24/12/2016 07:58

I'm so sorry, this is so sad to read.

Have you had any contact with a rape crisis centre?

rapecrisis.org.uk

There's a helpline that can put you in touch with your local centre. They can support you with things like getting an std test, counselling, police statements and going to court.

I work for a local centre and the staff and volunteers are lovely people.

I hope you manage to get some help.

Original poster
myoriginal3 · 24/12/2016 07:59

You're all making me cry again. Angry
My problem now is leaving the house so I can't independently get to appointments.
I'm trying so hard and the htt are trying to help me too. It's difficult, and if it's a man who comes out, I will shoo him out.
I don't know how to manage this.

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