Not looking forward to someone else cooking

[HarmlessChap]

Christmas isn't a great time of year for me but the lunch is absolutely my thing. I love to cook, my mum was a great cook who taught me well, I don't find making Christmas lunch stressful, turning out a good lunch which everyone enjoys is absolutely the highlight of my Christmas and I also get to prepare the food just how I like it!

But this year, for the 1st time in ages, we are going to family so I'm not chef. I'm feeling a bit of a spare part and fed up of being told how nice it will be for me not having to cook when that's what my Christmas really is.

I appreciate that its a nice thing and its not our turn but I also feel that doing lunch is the only thing that I add to Xmas and that with someone else taking on the role I'm more of a spectator than participant.

Does anyone "get" where I'm coming from or AIB totally U?

you sound totally ridiculous to me but I don't cook and am very happy to have anyone else so anything on Xmas day.

Yanbu. I get it. But it's someone else's turn and the food might be lovely.

Perhaps the host would appreciate your help in the kitchen?

Well, sounds weird to me too, but you can still surely help them - what do you like when people come to you?.... willing volunteers for the washing up / clearing up? Help with serving at the last minute? Someone to bring a trifle for the Christmas tea? Someone to make sure everyone has drinks, even a cuppa so you can concentrate on the main meal?

Offer to bring a dessert?

100% agree! I can't imagine not cooking. I love it.

You sound like everyone's MIL

You remind me of Monica from friends, some people thrive on the hostess part, just drink wine and try to enjoy.

I get you OP. I can get quite irritable if the roast potatoes aren't crispy, the gravy not 'real' or there's not enough of everything!!

I'm dreading my DCs marrying people who do Christmas differently and insist on hosting us.

They are 5 and 7. 😳😆

The food will be perfectly fine and we are providing some stuff for tea, I'll be helping with washing up, drinks etc. but its not the same.

DW does the majority of present buying, wrapping and so on (her choice) but the cooking has been my contribution so I guess I feel like a free-loader this year.

As for everyone's MIL?? Nooo! I know better than to interfere in someone else's kitchen...... :P

I'm dreading my DCs marrying people who do Christmas differently and insist on hosting us.

See I was getting all panicky at the thought of my mum no longer wanting to host Xmas dinner (she is 62) but your post has reminded me that I have children so if she hang she on for another 7/8 years the eldest will be just about ready to step into her shoes.

I kind of get where you're coming from but at the same time I don't, because my DH started cooking the Christmas dinner completely alone for the last 8 years or so, and I have to say it's bliss not to have to get involved.

But having said that, I did used to enjoy doing it (in a kind of stressy way) before I eventually handed the oven gloves over.

Perhaps you could cook a New Year's Day roast, as it falls on a Sunday anyway?

Good plan Jen!

OP I see what you mean now. Can you adopt another, equally important role? Don an FC costume? Tinkle up a sing-song on the piano? Plan and lead the Christmas walk? Can you ask the host to appoint you drinks butler or similar?

Gravy....

Maybe I could help with the gravy.....

DD once stood up in a primary school class where the kids were saying what they loved about what their mums and dads did for them and said "my daddy makes the best gravy"

Ooh... yes, perhaps NYD could be the new Christmas for you? Switch the turkey for lamb, the chestnuts for apricots, the cranberry for mint. Jobs and good 'un.

I would love not to cook. I have to make three meals a day throughout the year. Even if we get takeaways, most of it is not to the kids taste so I still cook. Last Christmas the highlight of my YEAR was a guest bringing a home cooked meal for Christmas Eve. It wasn't even food I like but it wasn't cooked by me which was the main thing. So from my pov YABU. However I am a bit funny on the Providence of my food, so when someone else cooks I get a bit twitchy. So on that part YANBU.

Terrific idea!

Yeah I do a roast most Sundays so NYD will be no different. I have a great butcher and the beef is already in the freezer.

Jesus wept. Take the pole out of your arse. Relax and enjoy seeing how other people do things, even if it might be different from how you do it.

I do an incredible Christmas dinner and would hate to have to eat anyone else's.

@venys I totally get that

In the week DW & I share the cooking and I have no problem with that its just "special" meals I like to take ownership of.

I totally get it. We're off to DSD's for lunch on Christmas Day and it'll be the first time I've not cooked for almost 20 years. I know the food will be fabulous, she's a fantastic cook - that's not the issue. It's just that the food is what I do, and I feel a bit sad that it's not me that'll be providing for everyone.

Yeah I do a roast most Sundays so NYD will be no different. I have a great butcher and the beef is already in the freezer.

Yeah so now's your chance to make it different.

Throw caution to the wind and have beef and chicken, or beef and ham with pigs in blankets.

Or make a special dessert or something

On behalf of my DH, I do empathise because I could imagine him coming out in hives if he were in your position

I totally get it.
My DH is (sort of) the same, but mainly when it comes to meat. We do Xmas dinner and lots of others as a 'tag-team' - him on meat and everything roasted, me on starters, desserts and sundries (e.g. veg). It works so well.
We got invited to my parents several years ago and they did a cold buffet instead of a Christmas dinner. DH especially was appalled and we have hosted ever since.
Not really the same, but I thought I'd share!

Try to enjoy it, but I understand why that might not be possible.