Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change my body even tho my husband doesn't like it

59 replies

GrandmaGotRunOverByAReindeer · 23/12/2016 22:35

I was fat and unfit.
I'm now thin and fit, muscular but I want to build more muscle.

My husband likes fat women.
He doesn't like muscles.
He doesn't like that my boobs are smaller.
He doesn't want to hear anything about fitness at all, I'm not allowed to talk about the gym etc
He isn't interested in my achievements (weight I've lifted, distance/time I've run)

It's really getting me down but I really really want to do this for myself

OP posts:
madgingermunchkin · 23/12/2016 22:36

Do what makes you happy.

He wants you fat and miserable because he's insecure. He needs to accept the wife he has.

auntyemaily · 23/12/2016 22:37

Well done on such a brilliant achievement. He's jealous or insecure.

Onlyonce · 23/12/2016 22:38

Your body your choice in my view. However you can't change how he sees it I don't think. Have you had a serious talk about this with him, how his attitude affects you?

Perp · 23/12/2016 22:39

Well done!! Your health is the most important any thing here and you are doing fab.
Your DH is probably worried that his wife is, perhaps, now more desirable to other men and is more likely to have her head turned.
If his negativity continues, you have every right to leave him.

WipsGlitter · 23/12/2016 22:41

To be frank I'd not want to hear about weights someone lifted or distances either. Boring.

Arkengarthdale · 23/12/2016 22:41

Thin and fit, well done you! That's fab. I should think he's probably insecure as I'm sure you look fabulous and carry yourself with such pride. So you'll be really attractive! Perhaps he needs reassurance?

augustusglupe · 23/12/2016 22:41

I've changed quite a bit in the past 6 months. I've overhauled my diet, cut out alcohol and have been going to the gym. I feel great and have tons more energy. I can tell DH is irritated, even if only slightly. It's insecurity on his part. Keep on doing what makes you feel good OP. Well done you!!

FancyPuffin · 23/12/2016 22:49

He wants you fat and miserable because he's insecure. He needs to accept the wife he has.

Some men are genuinely attracted to bigger women Confused

However if what you're doing is making you happy Grandma you should go for it and it's not okay for your dh to piss on your chips. Well done for what you've done so far!

UrethaFranklin · 23/12/2016 22:52

Well done, that's a great personal achievement!

Im not sure why previous posters are all saying that your DH is insecure though. I don't really like muscley men so if my DP suddenly turned into one and wanted to talk about what he had done at the gym and the weights he had lifted, I wouldn't be particularly happy about it. No insecurity involved, just not what I am into, completely different interests. If I wanted a bloke like that, I would have got together with one from the start.

SaucyJack · 23/12/2016 22:53

What do you call fat? Plenty of men have a preference for voluptuous body shapes. It doesn't mean he likes you miserable and insecure because he likes a heaving bosom.

He shouldn't be rude to you or put your interests down tho. You are still the woman he married.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/12/2016 22:53

Talking about working out is the most tedious thing in the world.

I do wonder about a man who would rather his wife was unhealthy. From a purely 'living a few more years' POV.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 23/12/2016 22:53

Well done on your weight loss and healthier lifestyle!

It's a shame that your DH is unsupportive - is he usually unhappy with change? I lost 10st and worried that my DH would find my saggy body unattractive - he has in fact been my biggest cheerleader and it's me that has struggled to come to terms with it. I often feel unsettled by how others now perceive me if they hadn't known me as fat - i wonder if your DH is also finding it difficult to adapt, rather than a straight preference for you being fat or wanting to control you because of insecurity?

StillMedusa · 23/12/2016 22:55

He is probably feeling insecure..he needs to get over that.

BUT please don't expect him to be interested in your weights, reps, runs etc. It is VERY VERY boring for the person who isn't doing that themselves.

I'm married to a cyclist. I'm not insecure and I love him dearly. But I do NOT want to hear the details of his rides, work outs etc!

It sounds like you have changed a lot and he hasn't caught up. Not his fault really or yours at all, but you need to sit and talk.

mumofthemonsters808 · 23/12/2016 23:00

It's not about your Husband, it's about you and how you prefer your body to look.

Funny enough, my OH refuses to discuss my fitness, it's as though he resents me creating some sort of identity other than being a Wife and Mother. It also means he has to juggle his hobbie with my availability, no acknowledgement that he's done it uninterrupted for a decade and now my children are older I'd like to do something for me. I also have to contend with snide remarks from my overweight friends about being too thin, which I'm not, I'm slim and at the peak of my fitness. I'm not a fitness bore, but I would like a bit of support and encouragement from the people I love. Its so strange how something so positive can cause such bad feelings.

WorraLiberty · 23/12/2016 23:07

As boring as I find gym/weight lifting/dieting talk, if my DH was into it and made great achievements, I'd nod, smile and listen.

I don't mean for hours on end, but for a little while because I'd be pleased for him, so why would I want to piss on his chips by coming over as completely disinterested?

Unless you're the type of person who goes on about it all the time, then YANBU.

He should be more supportive.

Love51 · 23/12/2016 23:08

Even if its boring, you still feel proud of your partners achievements. I appreciate it can be dull when it's other people though! If he's actually saying he doesn't like your boobs etc, that's more worrying than if he's mildly peeved you are at home less.

bellie710 · 23/12/2016 23:09

Your weight loss and feeling good about yourself is great but talking about workouts and weight lifting is tedious to listen too. My DH goes to the gym and enjoys it but if he came home and discussed what he had done he would get no interest from me!

Original poster
GrandmaGotRunOverByAReindeer · 23/12/2016 23:19

I don't mean a commentary on everything i lift, just a "I added a bit more weight on today" "I ran a personal best" etc not all the time, just things I'm proud of

OP posts:
Original poster
GrandmaGotRunOverByAReindeer · 23/12/2016 23:20

This morning he came upstairs as I was walking to the bathroom in my underwear and said "you look thin, I don't like it, there's nothing to hold anymore "
I'm not far off losing 10 stone-half of my body weight

OP posts:
gillybeanz · 23/12/2016 23:24

That is a fantastic achievement and I'm similar with my dh.
he has lost 4 stone this year due to having to have a hugely restricted diet, due to a health issue. He was large but not obese.

I too am less than encouraging and get fed up of seeing how well he is doing, it is my problem and your thread has high lighted how I need to be more encouraging and praise his efforts. It's not jealousy with me but definitely insecurity, not believing i can do it.

I hope your dh can do the same, you keep going and do whatever makes you happy and confident.

BarbarianMum · 23/12/2016 23:30

You make the changes you want to make to your body. The truth is though that he doesn't have to like it or find it attractive. Is this something you can talk about together? Ultimately he doesn't have to live with it if it is really a deal-breaker for him (you would hope it wouldn't be) but whilst he is with you he needs to stop criticising. Angry

Is he overweight? If so he might feel quite "abandoned" if he's not really happy about his own physique.

PickAChew · 23/12/2016 23:33

If he wants you voluptuous, that's all about him and not your best interests. Tough shit for him if he doesn't like the slim and well toned version of you.

DJBaggySmalls · 23/12/2016 23:33

I'd be so proud if I were you! Its very sad he cant support you. Flowers

PickAChew · 23/12/2016 23:38

And if 10 stone is half your original body weight, you'e madde a massive difference to your health - but at 10 stone odd, unless you're 6', you're hardly skinny, now.

The new shaped you is probably a massive shock, but is far preferable, in the long term, than the old shape.

WellKnackered · 23/12/2016 23:38

Of course YANBU.

He sounds a bit of an arse but maybe he just needs a bit of time to catch up with all the change. He might also be feeling insecure if he thinks your are more interested in the gym than him. If he is generally a nice bloke then how about having a good talk with each other and seeing if you can both try to give each other a little slack and both try and be kind to each other.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.