To drink when I don't want to? 'no drivers allowed' "joke" from christmas eve host?

[Loopytiles]

First world, festive problem!

We're invited to local friends' home tomorrow, from mid afternoon until "early evening" for drinks and bits of food. Several couples and our DC (mainly primary aged) attending.

Background is that I sometimes avoid seeing these friends, among other reasons because the things organised are often boozy and end really late, and a couple of them make comments when I or others don't drink. I often avoid alcohol and late nights because I have early starts for DC/work, and have mental health issues find that alcohol doesn't help. I also dislike drinking when DC are rampaging around houses, it makes me anxious. I'm low at the moment due to problems at work and home.

I haven't told the friends about my MH as we're not close. DH knows but is unsupportive and enjoys getting pissed and raucous with the friends.

So, we accepted the invitation, and as its got closer to the time the host has made a couple of comments about "people will want to get taxis, can't not drink at Christmas". Today they texted "jokingly" saying "no drivers allowed".

I feel that if I do as I wish and drive, this will be commented upon negativy, and make it less likely we'll be invited to things in the future, which would bother DH a lot. I would like to be friends with the hosts and others, but in a more low key way IYSWIM.

But then I think it's ridiculous that at my age and as a parent and health issues that mean drinking isn't good for me I'm bowing to social pressure and that I should woman up!

Argh.

You should woman up and completely ignore them. If you don't want to drink, don't drink, don't pay any attention to what a bunch of losers think about you.

Well I never drink so I'd be very unpopular there!
If you don't want to then don't feel pressured/shamed into it (as that's what it seems like re the no drivers allowed 'joke').
If you won't be invited back then it's no real loss to you is it and husband will have to lump it.
Hope you have a good night regardless x

It sounds like you aren't very self confident. I don't always drink. Plus I like the freedom of being able to drive home when I want to rather than feeling "trapped" while waiting for a taxi or lift. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if people made comments about me not drinking. I just laugh them off and ignore.

If you don't want to drink, just say no. You don't have to explain your reasons.

You could get a taxi but still not drink. Bit of a waste I know but would mollify the host so they leave you alone and allow your Dh to hold his head up .

Bring your own non alcoholic wine /beer if you prefer or just stick with one glass of replenished-with-water beverage.

It would be expensive you get taxis with kids !
Just drink tonic and say you're drinking gin

Thanks all. I am not confident with these people, not sure why.

DH is a big factor in it too.

Yes you should woman up.

So what if you don't get invited to as many of their boost events in future? What's the big loss for you?

Why not organise your own get together with these people that doesn't include getting pissed?

*boozy events

Fuck pretending just send your DH and don't go. When they text you say you weren't plan into drink and drive so you stayed away as per instructions.

*planning

Right, they've got a certain idea of a party in mind - if you want to be friends with them and avoid any friction, how about staying late and booking the taxi, being the life and soul, and just not drinking? If asked, 'sorry, I'm on antibiotics :('.

But tbh they seem a bit aggressive about the boozing - are they heavy drinkers? Some heavy drinkers get very uncomfortable getting loaded with sober people there - makes them crappy hosts imo!

Oh I hate people who try and persuade others to drink when they don't want to. I like the occasional drink but usually don't bother with alcohol. My stock phrases are "I'm able to enjoy myself just as much without alcohol thanks" or "why is it so important to you for me to drink alcohol?"

I'm sorry your DH is unsupportive - what are you going to do about that? It's no way to live.

As for tomorrow, either he goes alone or he is supportive when you tell people you are on strong medication for back problems and are not allowed to drink on it.

Anyone taking the piss, feel free to tell them to grow up or fuck off...or both.

I have NO problem with people drinking around kids, I have several problems with every single adult being encouraged, or told, to get totally bladdered.

I'm the same, get anxious about the kids when drinking, can't relax and just don't enjoy it or the next day (when my anxiety gives me awful beer fear about saying something to offend). So I don't see the point.
But very few people seem to understand it. There's one person who won't take no for an answer, now I'm just not invited as I don't drink.

It's so hard to find excuses when 'don't fancy it' should be enough.

DH is a whole other story!

I haven't organised much alternative stuff with those or other friends, that's true, and is something I could do.

'Alcohol doesn't agree with me. I'm going to have a very good night on ....' [insert non alcoholic drink of choice].

Normally there not much they can say in response to that.

If pushed, repeat 'Alcohol doesn't agree with me.' smile, pause & level stare to let it sink in & then change the subject to them. People love talking about themselves.

Just repeat ad nauseum. No drama, no apologies, no looking embarrassed. It's a fact & not much you can do about it.

I'm intolerant to wine/champagne & get 2-3 day hangovers even after a sip or two. It just isn't worth it. I can drink spirits & shandy but mostly I don't. Dont tolerate any crappage from boarish hosts OP .

No way would I be making excuses or lying.

"I'm not drinking because I don't want to."

If you don't feel comfortable saying this and you know you won't have a good time... Stay home!

I know that's easier said than done, but that's what I would do :)

I don't want to stay late anyway as would like some part of the eve to be at home with the DC, then have food prep, wrapping etc to do.

Sometimes I drink. Sometimes I don't.

The decision on what goes into my body is mine.

Its that old 'you teach people how to treat you'. If I say I am not doing something, no one tries to pressure me because they know they are on a hiding to nothing.

Do what you want.

I love a good drink but there are plenty of times where drinking just isn't going to happen as I have stuff planned for early the next day. So u don't. I don't feel the need to make my excuses to anyone else. I just don't drink alcohol that time.
If they ask you directly just tell them you aren't drinking. End of.

Thanks very much everyone. It's the boost I needed to do as I wish and be calm if challenged!

The people are good company, and I act cheerful and join in, joke and stuff, so hopefully it could be good.

In all honesty, I just wouldn't go. Tell DH to go alone and then have a think about what the issue is there with him - why is he so unsupportive?

People who are this pushy about other people's drinking, or rather, not drinking, have an alcohol problem themselves, in my experience.

DH would be very angry if I didn't go, and it'd be rude to the hosts. I will just go and not drink.

I hate being pressurised to drink. I feel it reflects more on the people you are with than you (and I do enjoy a drink from time to time, but not when im feeling anxious about the people i'm with... Or the fact its Christmas the next day!!). Don't be forced into something you dont want to do. Who wants to be hungover on Christmas Day?!