To drink when I don't want to? 'no drivers allowed' "joke" from christmas eve host?

[Loopytiles]

First world, festive problem!

We're invited to local friends' home tomorrow, from mid afternoon until "early evening" for drinks and bits of food. Several couples and our DC (mainly primary aged) attending.

Background is that I sometimes avoid seeing these friends, among other reasons because the things organised are often boozy and end really late, and a couple of them make comments when I or others don't drink. I often avoid alcohol and late nights because I have early starts for DC/work, and have mental health issues find that alcohol doesn't help. I also dislike drinking when DC are rampaging around houses, it makes me anxious. I'm low at the moment due to problems at work and home.

I haven't told the friends about my MH as we're not close. DH knows but is unsupportive and enjoys getting pissed and raucous with the friends.

So, we accepted the invitation, and as its got closer to the time the host has made a couple of comments about "people will want to get taxis, can't not drink at Christmas". Today they texted "jokingly" saying "no drivers allowed".

I feel that if I do as I wish and drive, this will be commented upon negativy, and make it less likely we'll be invited to things in the future, which would bother DH a lot. I would like to be friends with the hosts and others, but in a more low key way IYSWIM.

But then I think it's ridiculous that at my age and as a parent and health issues that mean drinking isn't good for me I'm bowing to social pressure and that I should woman up!

Argh.

I've all but stopped drinking these days. If I do drink it will be one at the most. It doesn't seem to agree with me anymore and I like being able to drive home when I want. So, fuck em, I say. I would maybe accept one glass of wine from the biggest bully and carry it around all evening whilst drinking soft drinks, if I couldn't be bothered to stand up to them, but that's as far as I'd go to appease them.

I think you have a DH / friends / self esteem problem more though. You sound really down on yourself, and it sounds to make like your husband reinforces your low view of yourself.

Whether you drink tonight or not, I hope in 2017 you can do something about that. You sound lovely :)

I hate it when people try and press booze and or food on me . They're not true friends if they persist or try and make you feel bad. Don't be pressured into drinking if you don't want have a word with DH first hopefully he'll back you up and if further invites don't follow then that's there problem.

Clearly going to be a dull night if getting pissed is compulsory. People who think sober equals boring need to check the mirror.

Take the car and don't drink. And make sure no saddo addict spikes you.

Yanbu at all, but I wouldn't go they sound awful. I drink but I hate socialising with people who pressurise me to drink more than I want to.

Just say you're on anti biotics.

This has made me really angry. I gave up drinking three years because I am an alcoholic. 99 % of my friends and family breathed a massive sigh of relief as I was a bloody nightmare but the odd one or two still look at me as if ihave grown two heads and say 'oh my god how boring!' which makes me laugh as they are are the dull as fuck ones now. How dare these these people dictatewhat other people do. I agree that they must have the problem. I would be furious and refuse to go full stop!

This has made me angry too.

I rarely drink because I hate the taste of alcohol and tbh I don't like how it makes me feel. I don't pretend to drink or make excuses, I just tell people I don't drink. I wouldn't be going somewhere where people just ignored that.

I'm concerned that your DH is so unsupportive of your wishes and you're worrying about him being angry about it.

Tbh, it does seem to me like your DH is the main issue...

Drinking should always be entirely optional. And making you feel bad because you don't want you? A partner/spouse just shouldn't do that.

I wouldn't go at all. It's very disturbing that you're worried that your DH would be angry with you for exercising your free will

It sounds like you don't really want to go, so don't. The picture you paint is of a rather messy booze-fuelled party where anyone who doesn't drink will be mocked.

You know what you'll be letting yourself in for, so just make your excuses and don't attend. Let you husband attend, let him take the kids, and just had a relaxing time at home.

I don't drink either and I don't feel I should have to explain myself to anyone. If I didn't want a cream bun when offered to me at a party I wouldn't explain myself I would just say "no thank you ".
When I am out socially and someone comments on my not drinking I just say " not for me thanks I don't feel like it" and smile sweetly.

YY celendine, this idea having to justify your non-drinking is ridiculous. When I wasn't drinking a few years ago people would relentlessly ask if I was pregnant, on medication etc etc. No. The simple answer was just I didn't want to.

Don't feel pressured in to things. If they were real friends they wouldn't while Bout people not drinking

whine about

OP I really feel for you. I don't drink much either, and never would on a night out or at a party, I'm more likely to have a (singular) bottle of bitter while watching a film and that's it. I hate the 'drunk' feeling and to me that = out of control, even one glass of wine affects me and I don't want to feel that way in a social situation.

I too am amazed at how much lots of people's social lives seem to involve alcohol and also how bothered they are by others not drinking. I can fully understand 'pretending' for a quiet life.

Glad you have a strategy, and hope you can have a lovely evening regardless.

DH knows but is unsupportive

Then I'd remove the "D" from his abbreviation and reconsider the "H" too.
As far as I am concerned, being evidently from a different planet, a partner should put their partner before friends and alcohol. If he is dismissing your issues and not backing you up, he shouldn't be a partner.

This kind of thing drives me nuts. There's no reason for you not to drive, the 'no drivers' thing is clearly just a way of pressuring everyone into drinking. I understand the temptation but I really don't think you should lie, just say 'I'm not drinking' like a broken record if needed, and find some people to talk to who are not obsessed with your alcohol intake.

Thanks very much for all the posts. I went along, didn't drink and drove, and it was fine, only one or two comments, and was quite nice, although still think it'd be hard to do stuff with this particular group without booze being involved, so think will continue to be on the edges, which is OK.

I'm glad you did what you wanted to do and it went fine.

You're definitely right to just say "I don't feel like drinking"

But in reality I'd probably do the antibiotics line as there's no arguing with it.

Sorry missed the last post. Glad it went well.

TBH I just wouldn't say anything, bring some shloer worlds best drink and not being attention to it.

Why are people soooo obsessed with forcing alchohol down other people's throats anyway?

You absolutely did the right thing.

I like the odd glass of wine, but hate drinking too much. I have friends who drink gallons of the stuff, and there is no way I can even begin to keep up, so I don't even pretend to.

There us one couple in particular, who are lovely people, but always get really hammered and comment of my slow drinking. I am really put off going out with them now, which is affecting our friendship, but I just dread their "big nights out".

Glad it went as well as poss OP. for you (best tipple in the world).

Send them a thank you message privately. Say you appreciate them not commenting on you not drinking as it's something you don't enjoy doing, say it was lovely to not feel pressured and that you'd love to visit again soon.

They will get the hint you don't drink. I'm another non drinker and if anyone even says 'oh just have one' I politely say no thanks!! People always ask me why I don't drink like I'm broken or have something wrong with me. I then ask, well why do you drink? My reply will probably be the opposite.