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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable about DC's presents?

99 replies

Bitlessbahhumbug · 23/12/2016 17:53

I hate to add to the xmas present threads but here goes anyway....

I'm getting together all the presents to wrap for xmas and I am really uneasy.

Poor coordination and extravagant GPs who contribute to "Santa" presents mean in excess of £800 has been spent on 2 DC, one of whom is a toddler.

Possibly even more. Definitely well over £400 on DC2.

That's completely crazy isn't it? I might put away most of the presents I bought and save for birthdays. But it won't make much of a dent.

Or am I being bah humbug?!

OP posts:
Mindtrope · 23/12/2016 18:50

Another concern is setting the bar so high.
This is teaching the kids that this is a "normal" amount of gifts

If you decide to or have to cut back in following years it's hard to do without them feeling let down.

My toddlers received only a couple of toys at christmas - and we were pretty skint, it has been nice to be able to exceed expectations in following years.

Philoslothy · 23/12/2016 18:52

I can't imagine spending that much on our teenagers. I would also be feeling uncomfortable

Original poster
Bitlessbahhumbug · 23/12/2016 18:52

I'm not being clear. I can't afford this. Bought by others. I asked if presents could be from grandparents but they want them to be from Santa. The grandparents are well intentioned but it's more than I'm comfortable with.

I certainly wouldn't offend them over it though.

I suppose it is subjective but my friends dont spend even half that. But I have indeed waded into the whole who spends what discussion. Didn't think this through!!

OP posts:
AddictedtoSnickers · 23/12/2016 18:53

Let them unwrap them if they are from GPs and then discreetly squirrel away for birthdays/next Christmas. Make sure the GPs know they have bought too much so you don't get a repeat of it next Christmas! I have lots of bits and bobs under the tree which have been given and unwrapped before. Some Sylvanian bits that I put away were given for my DD's 2nd birthday....she's 6 now!

Luttrell · 23/12/2016 18:54

If it makes a noise, donate it to charity or a shelter or food bank (if they take toys) or something. Personally I hate noisy toys :)

If it is some kind of fashion head that a kid is supposed to smear makeup on, if it is some sort of peeing, vomiting doll - they can go too.

Anything light can go on Ebay, make the money back.

I haven't the foggiest how you spend £800 on toddler toys unless it's absolute shite - or diamond-encrusted wooden blocks and a jigsaw made of marble. Is there an XBox in there?

DailyFail1 · 23/12/2016 18:54

I don't mean to sound harsh, please don't take this as criticism OP Flowers but how much (or little) your dc's GPs want to spend on them is up to them not you. They are family too and have every right to spoil what are probably lovely GC if this much money time and effort has been spent on them. It really is not worth offending or alienating close family by giving presents away/saving them for another occasion
, also these presents aren't yours they belong to your DC.

Sparkletastic · 23/12/2016 18:55

Yes put the ones you bought away for birthdays. The children will be overwhelmed and will end up playing with empty boxes and not giving the reactions that the GPs are hoping for.

TinselTwins · 23/12/2016 18:57

I disagree daily fail, if my kids are overwhelmed by too much tat and it means they can't enjoy/manage what they have, it is up to me as their parent to clear it out so that it's managable for them

I find the more my kids have, the less they "play" with stuff properly. They play more meaningfully with a smaller quantity of toys that they can manage themselves

Original poster
Bitlessbahhumbug · 23/12/2016 18:59

What precisely is your issue with this?.....or is this a stealth boast?

It's really not a stealth boast. I find it too much - but now I'm going to offend everyone who spends hundreds on their DC!!

Cherry lager and AIBU. Bad combination.

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 23/12/2016 19:01

if its affordable for you (and grandparents) then I can't see the problem tbh.... I have 4dc and have spent about that on each of them. My money, my dc, my Christmas - couldn't care less what anyone else thinks and neither should you!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/12/2016 19:02

bitlessbahhumbug

It's not 'poor form'. Not at all. It's not like you were posting photos and gloating over the massive pile of presents your DD is getting and commenting that anyone doing less for their children is terrible...'. We post about good results/bad results, good sleepers/bad sleepers, good eaters/poor eaters...and we post about parties, days out, achievements while at the same time others are posting about illness, bereavement etc. Threads are independent & co exist.

I'd definitely keep some of the presents back if it looks overwhelming and will still be season/age appropriate by her birthday. Nothing to stop you 'finding' one Santa hid, something nice to find on a rainy day in January!

dingdongthewitchishere · 23/12/2016 19:03

OP, I have loads of plastic boxes in the garage where I store most of the toys. I swap them regularly, so they never have too many and they love rediscovering them.

You just need to be clear on what is where, when they suddenly demand a specific toy!

BabyDubsEverywhere · 23/12/2016 19:04

okay, as it is bothering you, put some away... store some for birthday, keep a few to re-gift for other dc you buy for at xmas and birthdays, sell some and stick the cash in dc savings. If you want to do something about it, you can, easily. I would explain to Grandparents what you are doing though, and you can stop the same from happening next year.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/12/2016 19:06

What is it you're finding 'too much'?

Money
Present quantity
'From the inlaws'
Overwhelming for DD

? I think it's important to see where/what this feeling is comin from.

DeckTheHallswithVowsofFolly · 23/12/2016 19:09

Put a (rather large) number of them away now and save for future birthdays etc. If they must be opened (givers are there) let them open them then whisk they away quickly and save. Note this can backfire a little. 2 year old unwrapped doll she'd previously opened and seen for about 3 minutes 6 months - amid a mountain of presents - before and said "oh good. now I have 2. Here cousin, you have this one." - nice to share Grin

titchy · 23/12/2016 19:10

Don't let them be from santa - that commits you to years of santa buying whatever they ask for regardless of cost. If GPs have bought it the kids should know that. Which also paves the way for cash gifts to add to a savings account when they're older...

And that's your choice to make, not theirs btw.

stiffstink · 23/12/2016 19:13

I don't think its the GPs place to tell you that all 'their' presents are from Santa, its your choice as the parent, so you get to decide that.

MrsPeelyWally · 23/12/2016 19:13

Seriously OP, I dont see what the problem is.

Just enjoy them and have a lovely day.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 23/12/2016 19:14

I have inlaws that overspend (in my opinion) on DC.
Like OP, it makes me uncomfortable. Partly for selfish reasons (it dwarfs what I can afford to give them), partly because DC find it overwelming, partly I worry it teaches them to wrong values.
I can't get Inlaws to reign it in, without causing massive ructions.
So far my response has been:
1.Not to buy much myself (2 presents each this year)
2.Spirit some away into cupboards soon after Xmas for "rotating" or quietly donating to something. (Ds's nursery was very pleased to get a children's tablet still in its box for the raffle)

Eevee77 · 23/12/2016 19:17

It's far too extravagant for me but if the money is there...
My cousin has managed £800 on just 3 gifts for her DD this Xmas so toI can spend a lot without a huge pile. (Except she wasn't impressed at the small pile so has bought lots of other bits to open...)

Lindy2 · 23/12/2016 19:21

The sheer amount of "stuff" that £800 of young children's presents would be would terrify me. We simply wouldn't have room for it.

ProfYaffle · 23/12/2016 19:21

Cherry lager? Shock

somewheresomehow · 23/12/2016 19:25

Keep them all, give some at christmas some on the birthday and maybe spread the rest through the year, or keep for next christmas .I don't see why you should give stuff away just because so much has been spent

Inkspot · 23/12/2016 19:26

I really don't agree that grandparents have the right to 'spoil' their grandchildren. .If you think it's too much it's too much and one of you would be well within your rights to have a quiet word before next year. In the meantime just squirrel some away

Artandco · 23/12/2016 19:29

It depends, what are the items?

We buy ours one main gift at Christmas plus stocking. The main gift has been various amounts but you can spend a lot on good quality items.

For example one year we bought them a dolls house to share. It was £450 but solid wood. They have both used it almost daily since and that was 5 years ago. They have used with Lego people, sylvanians, dolls, teddies, schleich. I see it lasting forever and being passed down.