To feel uncomfortable about DC's presents?

[Bitlessbahhumbug]

I hate to add to the xmas present threads but here goes anyway....

I'm getting together all the presents to wrap for xmas and I am really uneasy.

Poor coordination and extravagant GPs who contribute to "Santa" presents mean in excess of £800 has been spent on 2 DC, one of whom is a toddler.

Possibly even more. Definitely well over £400 on DC2.

That's completely crazy isn't it? I might put away most of the presents I bought and save for birthdays. But it won't make much of a dent.

Or am I being bah humbug?!

[MargotLovedTom]

"...but if it is just some notion of spoiling I think that is pretentious twaddle."

What a crock of shit. I take it you've never come across a spoilt child.

[Mrsglitterfairy]

We have spent about £400 each on DSs (5 & 8) but one has a laptop and the other has an iPad so the majority has gone on them. My MIL drives me insane though, she spends about £150 on each of them on tat! They have about 10 crappy plastic presents off her that I end up throwing half of them away come February as they're broken etc. We have tried talking to her but in her words she just loves the excitement they get of opening them. She'll never change

[Bitlessbahhumbug]

Thank you Cagliostro. I'll settle for survival this year!

[Cagliostro]

Massive variation in what £800 could be as others have said. Good idea to put away for birthdays anyway.

I hope you have a brilliant Christmas OP

[Cherrysoup]

Are the GPs trying to compensate for your split and the fact you're on benefits currently?

It would be an idea to talk to them and tell them it's obscene and OTT. I agree, giving tons of stuff to toddlers is pointless. Have you got the room for it all?

[SatsukiKusakabe]

Everyone is going a bit antagonistic on mumsnet this week, you really don't need to explain the point of your thread op, there's no 'point' to most threads except to chat about something that's bothering you, and to get other opinions and experiences, that's enough and what the site is for.

[SatsukiKusakabe]

My mum typically buys too much, but I we put the more modest pile of present from us, i.e. Things they actually want and will use, separate and they open these first, then move onto presents from others after. So they get a good chance to play with stuff from FC and us first and it doesn't become an unwrapping frenzy. So you could manage it like this if you knock the grandparents playing santa thing on the head at least this year.

[Bitlessbahhumbug]

I'm not sure I see the point of this thread though. You say you are appalled by the amount, so people's response would be to advise you to put some away, but you've already said you are unwilling to do that confused

I was sat on my own feeling a bit overwhelmed. Others thoughts help give perspective?

So I got from the thread that many others would feel the same so I wasn't overreacting. But also many saying to "lighten up" - in different words of course - so I tried to think sensibly about it.

I have specifically said I will put presents away for bdays!

There were lots of good suggestions and I've worked out what works in my situation and what doesn't. The presents are from my exPIL. Very recent separation and I have worked very hard to keep a good relationship with them. In hindsight we could have maybe done something about the excessive buying before but right now it is not worth risking that relationship.

And thinking about why I am uncomfortable as prompted by questions on the thread also got me thinking about ILs motivation. They have always liked playing Santa but I wonder if they have realised how tight finances are for us and this has resulted in wanting to spoil everyone a bit. I hadn't really thought that through and it is possible.

So anyway, I dont feel the thread was pointless. There were lots more points that resonated.

And of course it's always just nice (er sort of!) to chat about things! Thanks.

[topcat2014]

Putting stuff away if you are waiting for the child to grow into the toy is fine, but if it is just some notion of spoiling I think that is pretentious twaddle.

[neonrainbow]

It's also a shame that you've carefully selected things they will like and your presents will be lost in the melee.

[neonrainbow]

Theres some right bossy people on your thread op there's absolutely nothing wrong with what you've posted. It's not like you've posted saying youre regretting spending 800 on each child. That would be crass but still not anyone elses place to tell you not to post!

My ILs were the same. They'd turn up with huuuuge bags of presents for dss. It would overwhelm him and he wouldn't have time to enjoy any of it. This year i had a bit of a vague chat with SIL to say last year dss got so much he didn't know what to do with it all... this year they've all massively toned it down and its all a lot more manageable. I think after christmas is over you should broach the subject with whoever bought so much stuff.

[plimsolls]

It's like the GPs believe that the more presents a child receives, the happier/more
"magical" Christmas will be. I think that's incorrect....children get overwhelmed by too many presents and the pleasure of each present just gets lost in an unwrapping frenzy. Perhaps they don't understand this, and think your protestations are more of the "oh no, you shouldn't have!" modesty type. Difficult conversation to have

Definitely don't label the gifts as from Santa. Feels wrong! Maybe because the children will then hope for that much every year and wonder why Santa has gone off them in future years if they don't receive as much. (I do wonder how it feels when children get back to school and have wildly different accounts of what santa bought them, given that children who believe in Santa tend to believe he rewards "good" children more than bad).

Also, I would feel the need to stick to my guns regarding "not from Santa" to send a message to the GPs about who's in charge! Just reinforcing a boundary....

Don't see anything wrong with this post at all, by the way. Some posters just like to pile
on the OP in AIBU, I find.

[Glittermakeseverythingbetter]

I'm not sure I see the point of this thread though. You say you are appalled by the amount, so people's response would be to advise you to put some away, but you've already said you are unwilling to do that
Fwiw They are your children, you are the one living with the excess and future expectations of toys r us at Christmas, so ultimately you get to decide what they have on the day. If they have bought things and given to you unwrapped then maybe they have lost track of the amount they spent.

[EchidnasPhone]

We had this the last 2 years where the GPS spent excessively on 'stuff' not things the DC really would want or played with. It was also a huge amount of gifts so what we as parents had bought in comparison of 2 well planned gifts seemed meagre. This year we put a cap of no more than 3 gifts each from GP spend as much as you like but keep to 3 gifts. This means the children got something they really wanted which is out of our budget & will be appreciated. We ended up donating a large amount of toys last year as I have 3 DC so there was a lot of toys.

[Kennington]

Sorry I missed the GP bit so ignore me!

[Kennington]

Can you save presents and spread across the year?
I don't think it is a good idea for children to get used to having so much in case of a change of circumstances.
For me When my kid is older consumerism will become normal and they are more likely to get into debt. This is my concern anyway.
Have you paid off the mortgage and do you have 6 months salary savings? If not, I personally wouldn't be spending so much.

[Love51]

It's very bad form to discuss money. So, OP, if you are mumsnetting from a dinner party with the Queen, stop it.
There are loads of threads about money on MN. Financial abuse ones, style and beauty ones (is this product worth £££), even Christmas ones. This is a perfectly valid thread for this forum. Especially if you read the opening post, which was clear that it isn't the OP having buyers remorse, but that the grandparents are insisting on playing Santa.

[coffeetasteslikeshit]

Op, this would stress me out too, and you do not need to apologise for the thread, it's a perfectly reasonable thing to be concerned about.

I would let the children open their presents tomorrow but swoop before they open the actual boxes/tear off cellophane so that I could either return some and bank the cash for the kids, save them for future presents or give to charity. Then speak to the grandparents about next Christmas. See if there is a way of persuading them to spend less.

[MargotLovedTom]

Dc1 was five and dc2 was three when they were given laptops, that should be.

What annoyed me as well was that MIL would stand looking at all the stuff shaking her head and going "Where are you going to put all this?!" You can imagine my reaction.

[MargotLovedTom]

OP I see exactly where you're coming from. My in laws horribly spoilt our dc to the point where it was causing a great deal of stress. We have three dc and didn't have the room to store the huge amount of toys that were coming into the house. The attitude of my dc was starting to annoy me - if they were being rough or careless with something then I'd ask them to be careful or it would break, to be given the reply "It doesn't matter, nana will just buy me another one."
I felt bad for my mother who isn't very well off at all and had to watch the in laws produce mountains of gifts while she could only afford one.

Every year they'd complain that they were struggling to find things new things to buy and I'd say "Well, it's because you've gone so over the top in previous years!" It sounds dramatic but I'd feel quite tearful and overwhelmed on Christmas Day when the floor was literally covered in teetering piles of presents and I'd be thinking where the fuck is this meant to go? I felt like I couldn't buy much for my own DC as they were receiving so much from others. The low point was when they bought dc 1 and 2 ( AGE 3 AND FIVE at the time FFS!) £400 laptops each!!! We made them return them.

In the end we had to get quite forceful and blunt to get them to realise it had to stop.

[GreenTureen]

FigureA - mine too. They get quite a lot of games and toys at Xmas but that keeps them going all year. I don't think we set foot in Smyths or Toys R Us from January to November otherwise but I know plenty of people who go monthly to pick something up.

[Mouseinahole]

Leave it! Santa has been let your dc have the excitement and fun tomorrow. Many will have more, many will have less. Then, next week, quietly remove the things that seem to be least loved and donate to a charity shop.

[Figure17a]

Families are all different. My dc do very well at Christmas but are very rarely bought anything except essentials at times other than birthdays or Christmas.

Other people seem to treat their dc everytime they leave the house whilst complaining of being skint and/or have gps who turn up with gifts every week. That seems far more excessive and extravagant than op's situation to me

[GreenTureen]

It does sound a lot but some people automatically think a few hundred quid = piles and piles of tat which just isn't (always) the case.

Mine are 6 and 8 and we've probably ended up on a similar amount but their 'pile' of presents is fairly modest IMO. They have an XBox - £250. New football kit each - £100. New football each and new goalie gloves - £50. That's £400 spent before I really 'started' (iyswim) and only 3 presents to open each so by no means a mountain of stuff.

[DJBaggySmalls]

Bitlessbahhumbug You dont need to apologise, your post was very clear. It wasnt you that bought too much and its made you uncomfortable.
I'd open a savings account for each child and ask relatives to save something each time instead of spending so much. Putting some of the gifts away for later is a good idea.