To feel uncomfortable about DC's presents?

[Bitlessbahhumbug]

I hate to add to the xmas present threads but here goes anyway....

I'm getting together all the presents to wrap for xmas and I am really uneasy.

Poor coordination and extravagant GPs who contribute to "Santa" presents mean in excess of £800 has been spent on 2 DC, one of whom is a toddler.

Possibly even more. Definitely well over £400 on DC2.

That's completely crazy isn't it? I might put away most of the presents I bought and save for birthdays. But it won't make much of a dent.

Or am I being bah humbug?!

[Disastronaut]

I have this problem with some very kind & generous older relatives. They buy things with love and care but it's just too much and it feels wrong. I suppose I buy DD a moderate amount but am certainly not keen on the idea of piles of presents for a tiny kid.

If you can do it discreetly, hive off as much as you can and save it for birthdays/friends' kids etc

[BarbarianMum]

We've had a similar problem in the past. I don't agree that it's nothing to do with the parents how much family spend - they are the ones who have to store it and deal with the fallout. In our family grandparents/aunts/uncles etc are now limited to one present per child. MiL/FiL have savings accounts in the children's names which they pay into in addition to giving presents (their idea) which helps them feel they are being "fair" .

[Turbinaria]

I would for next year go with the present rule of : 1 want, 1 need, 1 read, 1 wear. You could instead if presents ask them for pantomime / show/ ice skating tickets and a nice lunch/ dinner afterwards which they can take the dcs to. If they feel this not enough I'd ask them to open a savings/ investment account for each of your dcs and put the extra they would have spent in them. Each Xmas they can show your dcs the sum of their investments

[Newtssuitcase]

My DM used to do this but we seem to have her more under control now. We did have a few years where there was so much that we got round to the following Christmas without them really having had a chance to play with some of the toys from the year before. Some were even unopened.

I would put away the things you have bought. Let Santa bring the things your family have bought. Your Dc will be none the wiser since in their eyes they're all from the big man and you'll be ready for the next birthday.

We have spent a lot this year but the bulk of the spend is on one very big present which is really for the whole family. The rest are mainly books and a few games.

[Olympiathequeen]

I think provided the grandparents can comfortably afford it that's fine. It worth asking if you can put away a few for birthdays from them to save them buying again. also means you don't have to buy much as they will still have plenty on birthdays win win.

[Olympiathequeen]

GPs here have spent £150 between two young boys which is fine and they are also doing Xmas dinner.

[TinselTwins]

it's not just about affordability

It's about waste

It's about overwhelming kids so they don't enjoy any of their presents proplerly

It's about drowning out presents from other relatives…

There's lots of reasons to be uncomfortable with over-buyers

[JustWoman]

I wouldn't have asked the grandparents if you could give their purchases as a from Santa gift. It's not their choice to make.

My friend had inlawswho go over the top and buys her DC iPads etc, things which they can't afford but it's done in a way that's mean. They'd in my opinion,y that it wouldn't be a proper Xmas if she didn't spend loads of money (which she didn't have) and act like they'd saved Christmas. The kid ended up being quite grabby and when they passed away (he was 12) had no end of tantrums when the expensive gifts couldn't be maintained.

Don't feel bad for them having a lot, I've been mega skint some years and would never be offended at other families having more than me, there's years like this one where we are lucky and can afford an expensive gift for dd, she will adore it and appreciate it as it's something she's wanted for years but knew we would never have been able to afford it.

Give them the lot if they will appreciate and use them, if you think it'll be too much you could divide them up over the year, or even just over January? If you find they don't use or play with them much I'd sell them after a few months and put money into savings for them.

I absolutely would not be happy with putting gifts I'd bought for them away and giving the grandparents purchases as the Santa gift though. I dunno, part of the thing that makes Xmas special for me is watching dd open things I've carefully chosen for her, I don't think it would be the same when Santa stuff is someone else's purchases. I know the kids won't be any the wiser but I wouldn't put the stuff I'd bought away in favour of the expensive stuff.

If I was giving them the whole lot, the DC would be given them as a gift from their grandparents. I wouldn't budge on that to be honest.

[dairymilkmonster]

I think you are doing yourself down - it sounds like the GP have massively overspent and you are the one with a conscience about it!
I would just keep some gifts back (b/days or party prezzies) and next year be very firm with GP. I had to say very firmly to PIL to stop buying so much by the time ds1 was 2. It has actually been quite effective.
Good luck!

[SheldonCRules]

I think family members should be free to buy what they like as long as not inappropriate.

People spend varying amounts, none are wrong.

[SissySpacekAteMyHamster]

Bad form to come on here and mention wads of cash being spent. Absolutely no need to do that.

We've gone overboard before and luckily we can afford to do that, but would nd er hand wring over it.

If it's such an issue, in future give gp's budget.

[SatsukiKusakabe]

I have spoken to grandparents in the past about holding presents over until a birthday or slightly older to appreciate something and it's never been a problem. You can say it kindly and with gratitude but you can still say it.

[Bitlessbahhumbug]

"oh good. now I have 2. Here cousin, you have this one."
How funny and sweet

AnnieAnoni good questions thanks. Got me thinking.
Spoke to stbx and he felt the same. Putting away most of our purchases. Birthdays not far off so makes sense. Other suggestions helpful too.

Actually it's raspberry lager Prof. Nearly as good as cherry lager.

Lots of reasons for being uncomfortable, many mentioned by other posters, and including that his best friends will not get nearly as much as he will and they will probably be aware at this age.

I have apologised for the thread already. Does it give more weight to it if I say I claim benefits and am very grateful for recent treats from family? I am very lucky and I do not take it for granted. I wasn't thinking when I posted. Just difficult to get a sense of proportion by yourself sometimes. I do not have "wads of cash".

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

Bad form to come on here and mention wads of cash being spent. Absolutely no need to do that

No. It's NOT. It's a forum for everyone, not for people who are broke.

[ProudBadMum]

Why is it bad form?!

Are you only allowed to post if you are on your arse or only give your kids an orange and wink for Christmas?!

The fuck.

If you have room for the gifts then accept them. You haven't bought them. Grandparents are meant to spoil grandkids.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

I would tell the grandparents that you are very grateful for the presents and for them suggesting they're from Santa (which saves you money - you can use the presents you bought for his birthday) but that because his friends will get far less than him, that half will be labelled from them, not Santa.

[Believeitornot]

Why is it bad form?

Especially as the OP wasn't the one spending the money. And she think it's excessive

[ragdoll700]

It depends on what has been bought if its a 400 quid pile of plastic maybe a bit much but if its 400 of quality wooden toys that might not seem as big a pile but will last years. my girls are 3 and 5 and I have spent 500 euro on each of them (over the last 12 months not all at once) they have 10 gifts each so while a lot not really really huge all toys that can be added to and enjoyed for years even beyond my two.

[MistressMerryWeather]

It's not bad form or poor taste - OP didn't start a thread to brag.

People need to wise up and stop being so bloody bossy.

[topcat2014]

If I had given a present to a child, and discovered it was 'judged' and removed or re-gifted by a parent I would be beyond livid.

Just put the presents in a pile labelled from GPs.

Don't make life complicated by trying to invoke santa in this. 'he' should just be providing some general tat for the first part of the day.

[BasinHaircut]

I've got to go and pick up the MIL's presents for DS in the morning. I'm wondering whether to hire a larger vehicle TBH.

I'm kidding but she does go OTT and I have tried (and failed) to get her to spend half and put half in his bank account or something previously, but she insists on spending an enormous amount on him every Xmas and birthday instead.

What we end up doing now is just letting her and buying less ourselves and spending on things like zoo passes and swimming lessons instead. He is only 3 so he hasn't noticed that we don't have much from us for him to physically open yet, but when he did start to understand a bit more I will be firmer about her buying so much. I don't want him to grow up thinking granny buys him whatever he wants (and that's where I see it going).

[SixtyDegreesNorth]

I also spend very little on ours on the actual day as GPs spend so much. I use our money to make December lovely, and pay for swimming lessons, shoes, clothes etc.

You have done nothing wrong OP

(Strawberry Cider here hic)

[SatsukiKusakabe]

beyond livid??

I bought a present for a relative's child once, her parents thought she was slightly too young for it - I thought it was fine btw, it wasn't an odd choice on my part - they told me they were going to out it aside until she was older and of course it was fine, they know their dd best. I wanted her to have a nice gift, and she got one, but I don't control it once it's out of my hands. That is not the point. It would never have occurred to me to be livid.

[waterrat]

I can't believe people are having a go at the OP. It's completely valid and fair to express concern that too much money has been spent. This is an open forum for lots of diffirerent issues.

I have a 2.5 yr old. Last Xmas she got so overwhelmed after 2 presents that I put the others away. She was totally happy playing with the first present she opened and got stressed when people kept pushing more at her.

Of course the op can say no to this sort of thing. It spoils the child's enjoyment of a few well chosen things and leads them to expect the same every year. Absolutely do not say they are from Santa .

My kids get a stocking and one gift from Santa and a few other little things. Then family who will only get them one thing each.

It's madness giving a toddler a huge pile of expensive gifts. Save it for birthdays.

[DJBaggySmalls]

Bitlessbahhumbug You dont need to apologise, your post was very clear. It wasnt you that bought too much and its made you uncomfortable.
I'd open a savings account for each child and ask relatives to save something each time instead of spending so much. Putting some of the gifts away for later is a good idea.