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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh is being a knob, expecting me to be silent after a night out

104 replies

LardLizard · 23/12/2016 07:54

Ds went out last night, was driving so not drinking, got home about one
Got changed in the bathroom and was quite as a mouse got already for bed then slipped in bed

He was already huffing n puffing n sighing at this point

Then I went to text the friend, I was out with just av quick got home safe, as it's about a 45 min drive in the dark alone
Had to do it once iwas in bed, as my phone was out of charge
Otherwise I would have done it once I got on my drive before even getting in the house
Anyway dh had a fit about this saying how out of order I am etc
And basically going mad

Don't go out at night often really
Wasn't pissed
Was as quite as I possible could have been

OP posts:
Artandco · 23/12/2016 08:18

It's fine, you can't be silent you can just aim to reduce noise ie getting changed in bathroom like you did

StatisticallyChallenged · 23/12/2016 08:18

It sounds like you were bringing as quiet as possible. He lives with another human, he can't demand absolute silence as soon as he has decided he wants to sleep.

lastqueenofscotland · 23/12/2016 08:18

Id be really pissed off if I got woken up by someone drunk clattering about

Original poster
LardLizard · 23/12/2016 08:20

User, I agree I find it very controlling and abnormal he however thinks it is normal

Deep, yes I would alway message a femal e friend after getting home and if they came over my way, I would wait to get amaeesage from them to know they are also home safe

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 23/12/2016 08:21

She drove and was sober. Have you thought about reading the thread?

peggyundercrackers · 23/12/2016 08:21

Phones in bed annoy me, I would have said something but not went over the top. I wouldn't txt someone I had been out with to say I got home...

Get a phone charger for your car so you arent reliant on a charger in the house

Original poster
LardLizard · 23/12/2016 08:22

I wasn't drunk n clattering about
I didn't even have one drink
Go t changed in the bathroom etc tried to not make a sound

OP posts:
Artandco · 23/12/2016 08:27

Mind you I went out last night. Home around midnight. We live in flat so bedroom, living area all close.
Ds2 obviously woke when I came in and came out to see, we had a lovely little midnight feast the two of us with cookies and hot milk snug under blanket in living room. It was lovely.

Ohdearducks · 23/12/2016 08:27

So he can make noise coming home after a night out but you can't? And you have to go to bed when he does?
Controlling and bloody pathetic, if he sleeps so lightly he should bloody wear ear plugs. Is he controlling in other ways?

user1480946351 · 23/12/2016 08:29

It's really not, OP, and please don't listen the to people on this thread telling you you are in the wrong.

You came in sober, changed quietly in the bathroom, and sent one text from your phone. You didn't wake him, he could have just closed his eyes against the phone light.
He, on the other hand, comes in drunk and wakes you, smeling of curry and beer. And tells you when you are allowed to go to bed.

There is only one person out of order here, and it is NOT you, OP.

bimbobaggins · 23/12/2016 08:29

I'd say making you go to bed when you don't want to is a bigger issue

StealthPolarBear · 23/12/2016 08:30

Why do people not read any more?

BreatheDeep · 23/12/2016 08:35

YANBU, he is.. My husband works shifts so often disturbs me when he comes to bed. He doesn't make much noise at all, it just happens. We also both use our phones in bed - the light isn't that bright!

He sounds controlling.

Original poster
LardLizard · 23/12/2016 08:35

YEs I'm going to suggest ear plugs
I think this is why my tummy feels funny anxiety

He's not really controlling in other ways
He used to be years ago about food a bit, but I'm managed to stamp that out of him
He used to comment about what I ate often n stuff but he doesn't do that now and hasn't for a long long time

OP posts:
Original poster
LardLizard · 23/12/2016 08:37

Yes the light was on night mode and I'd tipped it at sun angle so it wouldn't have gone his way

Agree bimbo, it's actually more the day to day
Time for bed shit that actually is more of an issue as it's everyday

Not once in a blue moon like being out late

OP posts:
AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 23/12/2016 08:37

lastqueen it says on the second line she wasn't drinking. Literally the first two words on the second line. What's the point on commenting on a thread if your can't even be arsed to read the first sentence?

OP I won't lie, I would be slightly annoyed if I got woken up too. I struggle to get back to sleep if I'm woken so I would still be wide awake long after my DP had started snoring peacefully. I wouldn't huff and puff about it unless he wasn't even trying to be quiet/it was happening all the time though.

I don't think YABU.

diddl · 23/12/2016 08:39

"I'd say making you go to bed when you don't want to is a bigger issue".

I agree.

Sounds as if he overreacted about the phone, but you didn't have to text from bed, I'm sure!

SilentBatperson · 23/12/2016 08:40

In the context of this one incident, you were being a nuisance and I'd have been miffed with you. However his behaviour in general is much more problematic. You bumbling around for a few minutes is a drop in the ocean compared to what you mention about him in your later posts.

user1480946351 · 23/12/2016 08:42

How is quietly getting into your own bed being a nuisance? Hmm

MatildaTheCat · 23/12/2016 08:43

My dh can be a tiny bit like this when I've rarely been out and it is annoying. BUT, he falls asleep ok but if he gets woken up he just cannot go back to sleep so I do understand why he gets fed up and of course it's impossible to be absolutely silent.

Completely different point but it's way more dangerous to drive home without any battery on your phone than it is to be alone. Get a car charger, text from the car 'home!' And that part could have been avoided and you'd have been safer.

MsGameandWatch · 23/12/2016 08:43

I would also think he had a problem with me going out. I also think he sounds very controlling and if you really thought about it you could come up with quite a few episodes where he has been.

He was controlling about food, he's controlling about what time you go to sleep, he's controlling about you going out. He's actually just controlling full stop really isn't he?

TheNaze73 · 23/12/2016 08:44

I think he's being an utter wanker to be honest.

If that happened to me, I'd have jokingly thanked you for waking me up, asked how your night was, given you a kiss goodnight & give back to sleep.

His behaviour is not at all normal

ScruffyTheJanitor · 23/12/2016 08:45

I don't really care about the waking him and it annoying him, being woken would annoy me too.

I do care about him making you go to bed and you feeling anxious in your tummy etc.
That's not how a partner should make you feel.

I would strongly suggest a frank discussion and telling him how things are going to be from now on. you go to bed when you want, if he has an issue with that, he can keep it to himself or go and live alone where it wont bother him any more.

lozzylizzy · 23/12/2016 08:46

If I am going out drinking I always get the 'be careful' speech. I know it sounds like I should be happy he cares but it feels like something my parents would say. Anyway its him that does daft things when he is drunk like falling asleep stood up whilst smoking and bashing his face into the doorstep, falling asleep on the bus (why not get a taxi???) etc!

ScruffyTheJanitor · 23/12/2016 08:47

I would just add...
It sounds like he was lying awake, waiting for you, you got back at 1am which to him might have been too late and he was annoyed before you even entered the house.

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