To throttle DH over his stupid questions?

[HalloweenBabyDaemon]

I can think of at least a hundred different ways to kill him actually but they wouldn't fit in the subject.

He will ask me where something is in the fridge/cupboard the second he opens it. No, the milisecond.

He will ask me where his keys are. Which he has just used to open the bloody door ffs.

He will ask me where something belonging to him and used only by him is. The second he starts thinking about needing it.

Etc.

It makes me furious. When I need something I have the decency to really look in every possible (and impossible) place before asking him the question (and in 99% of cases his answer will be 'I don't know'). Or I will ask if I know he moved it (and couldn't be arsed to put back in place). He will still answer 'I don't know'.

So that's it really. I kind of run out of innovative answers. I used the 'no idea', 'wherever you put it', 'I'm not your nanny/babysitter/mother/carer', some less kind too. I am looking for inspiration. I've given up hope of him changing so at least I want to have fun with it/not see red every time.

I also tell him to ask Siri

Vagina as homing device. Awesome

My DH does this. I call it laziness. His mum did everything for him and his siblings. Everything.

I am not his mother.

Why do they do this though - why?? My DH will open the wardrobe every day, "Where's my x shirt?". Even though it's staring him in the face! Or call "Where's the car keys?" when he's in the hall and I'm two floors upstairs and he's talking about his own car. This happens several times a day, every day and I know he can't be like this at work. Why don't they engage their eyes before their mouths?

Madinche yes I also asked him if he is equally hopeless at work but apparently not. I see it as a delagation of responsibility to find sth - to me! When he is alone in the flat he doesn't ask, he just looks for stuff and usually finds it. Yet the second I am home he loses all independence as a stuff researcher and relies on me. I absolutely HATE people relying on me, especially when there is no need!!!

So... this morning, I had been in the shower and he comes in the bathroom, followed by DS(2) and says 'We can't find the black jam'. (It is blackcurrant)
I said 'How awful. I wonder where it it.'
He didn't detect my tone and said 'Is there a new jar in the garage?' (where we have another fridge).
I said 'There might be one under all the stuff in your car boot. One could have fallen out of the bags and be under all your tat.' (Was being awkward but he missed it)
He then went out for a look and came back to say there wasn't one there but he had found the jam in the fridge.
I think his brain is addled.

I think it's time for shock and awe approach.

Firstly, fair warning - sit him down when he's not looking for something and say "it really annoys and upsets me that you always ask me where something is before looking - I've asked you not to but you don't seem to care how annoying it is for me, please stop."

The next time he does it you need to go in to complete crazy lady meltdown - scream at the top of your voice "I can't believe you have asked without looking again! Do you not care I hate this?! You are doing it deliberately to upset me! Why? Why? Do you hate me?!"

The sob, continue to scream - throw yourself about in a snotty mess about how little he cares about your feelings and "I have asked you so many times, you just don't care about me!" Lots and lots.

Hopefully you'll terrify him so much he won't dare next time.

If DH asks me where his things are, he will preface it with "I know it's not your job, but do you know where....".

Pleased to see so many of my fellow 'up your bum'mers on here.

Oh this gives me the rage. Not only with DP but now the kids have started doing it.

All three of them class moving one piece of paper as "looking for something". Arseholes.

Dinosaurs

I love your suggestion but need to save hysteria for Really Big Deals, otherwise it will lose its impact. Having said that, it's been a while since I've done that and a tiny part of me misses the fireworks->volcano explosion->end of the world situation...

We have a basket of toiletries in the wardrobe containing toothpaste, shower gel, soap supplies etc.

Every time he uses the last bit of toothpaste in the bathroom or whatever, he will come to me saying "we have no toothpaste left'. After 26 years I can't even say basket anymore, I just look at him with steam coming out of my ears and nostrils.

He has been known to fly out of the house to buy shower gel because he used the last bit in the bathroom. There will be four bottles of shower gel in the toiletrie basket.

It seems that he cannot go in to the bedroom and look in this fucking basket for some reason. When I used to ask him why he didn't check - he would look at me blank. I don't bother mentioning the B word anymore.

This man is 55 years old and has a job with huge responsibilities in health and safety planning, risk assessments etc.

I am baffled and angry at the same time.

I just asked dh to write on calendar the time of food delivery next week. He said "what shall I put"? Me "what do you usually put"? Dh "sainsburys". Me "there you go then"

I had this today, we have yummy Thai dumplings for dinner, made by my friend. Told DH this, first thing he said was "have we got soy sauce?", I replied with "I don'the know, have you got eyes?". He was standing in the kitchen, right next to it and I was in the hallway. Drives me mental!!

DH does things like this. He once whined about the freezer being a mess as I'd been working stupid days and he'd been doing fuck all to help. To his credit, he did offer to organise it, but if he'd done it nobody would ever have found anything ever again. So I did it. One of the drawers is dedicated to bread and milk products. So ice cream, spare milk, bread, rolls, bagels, wraps, tattie scones and crumpets mainly. Then followed this exchange:

Do we have any tattie scones?
Did you check the freezer?
Yes. I can't find any
If we have any they'll be in the freezer
Where?
In the drawer full of bread
I'm looking but I can't see any
Did you eat them all?
No. And I always put them on the board when we've only got a couple left

He is at least honest about when he's looked vs man-looked.

I am now famous for my response to stupid questions. One of our friends was going away with us for a weekend and wanted to check some the facilities at the place we were staying. He texted DH to ask "because I think this might be a stupid question and I'm worried Toria will just stare at me." It was a stupid question (we'd all stayed there before) and he was right.