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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL buying people Xmas presents of me

27 replies

Choccywokky · 22/12/2016 18:28

Every year I send DHs different sets of family, I.e cousins family household...Aunt...Other cousins household etc a medium cake for the household to share. I also buy the households with children a small Christmas present for each child.

A couple of months ago MIL told me that DH aunt (who lives in her own) doesn't like what we send as , she doesn't like it and it's too big for her. I said fair enough as I don't think this Aunt was being funny or ungreatful as she is a lovely lady.

Fast forward to a few days ago. MIL has bought aunt a tin of biscuits. Has wrapped them and has written the tag of me, DH and kids. AIBU that this is my job to sort out presents of my family household, buy what I want and take them up to people?

Or should I just think oh well it's a couple of quid and wrapping paper saved for me? Grin

OP posts:
WarwickDavisAsPlates · 22/12/2016 18:30

If it's for the in laws side of the family why is your DH not sorting out the gifts?

If it bothers you just tell MIL that you've already got them a present so she can keep the biscuits for herself.

LottieL · 22/12/2016 18:30

I'd thank her for doing it, say it was kind and thoughtful (unless you suspect it wasn't done in that way) and say that next year you'll know what sort of things that particular family member wants so can sort it yourself. I'd take the high road if you get along well with MiL generally; it saves a fight over a tin of biscuits 🙂

Chippednailvarnishing · 22/12/2016 18:31

Why is it your job?

Forget mil, why isn't your DH buying for his family?

StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2016 18:32

Why is it your job? Are these vagina-only presents?

Katy07 · 22/12/2016 18:36

Perhaps she was making sure you don't give a big cake again?

228agreenend · 22/12/2016 18:38

I think that's weird that mil is buying on your behalf, without any prior arrangement to do so.

(My dh never does the present buying either but it doesn't bother me. We each have a role in the house, and part of mine is to buy presents.)

lalalemon · 22/12/2016 18:39

Why are women only allowed to buy presents for their side of the family then?!
I bought all the presents! I loved choosing presents for my little nieces, who happen to be DH siblings children.
We're all family, doesn't matter who's 'side' they are! Confused

StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2016 18:40

That's fine lala. It was the "it's my job" comment that got my back up, while her dh watches benignly as the women in his life fight over who gets to do the wife work.

StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2016 18:42

Dh often bus cds for my dad as they share a taste in music we discuss together what people might like and who presses the Internet order button is fairly irrelevant. But when there are people who we don't have any ideas for its my job to panic for my side and his for his side :)

Namechangebitch · 22/12/2016 18:43

Wow, you want to do that crap?
And you'd have a row about it?

Are we the same species?

You say " thanks " and let her get on with it.

Original poster
Choccywokky · 22/12/2016 18:48

I really enjoy choosing presents and wrapping them... DH just likes the helping to pay part !

I do get in with MIL but I wasn't sure if this was stepping over the line a little

OP posts:
PJBanana · 22/12/2016 18:50

Can't believe some people are taking issue with the fact that you buy presents for your DH's 'side' of the family, OP. How very dare you!

I agree, I would find what your MIL has done a bit odd. I would've expected her to ask first, although I probably would've been grateful for the help Xmas Wink

TiredMumToTwo · 22/12/2016 18:50

In my first marriage I was so desperate to forge right thing and make sure everyone had a present and hoped they liked theirs present. Now I'm in my second marriage, I sort out my side - buy thoughtful gifts for my parents and nephews and leave the other side of the family to DH. If on Christmas Day Aunty Alex hasn't got anything to open - it's nothing to do with me, we're equals and I don't expect to have to take up his slack.

StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2016 18:51

PJ yes I take issue with the assumption this is the wifes responsibility.

Yoarchie · 22/12/2016 18:53

Mil overstepped a bit but with reasonable intentions so I'd just consider it a job done.

LottieL · 22/12/2016 18:54

Not getting into the who buys what because that's not what you asked - and is largely irrelevant I think.

I wouldn't take it as overstepping a mark and would just accept it gratefully and say next year you will pick something similar. I doubt she meant anything by it unless she has form for things like that.

KayTee87 · 22/12/2016 19:01

vagina- only presents GrinGrinGrin

Op this would actually really annoy me. Just say to her you already have their gift sorted but thanks very much.

SquedgieBeckenheim · 22/12/2016 19:03

The first year DH and I were living together, and therefore buying presents from the both of us, MIL bought a present for her parents from us cheap box of chocolates. She didn't bother to tell either of us, so we didn't find out till Christmas day, when she asked why there were 2 presents under the tree from us to DH grandparents. Obviously, we had taken it upon ourselves to buy presents for all members of both our families - including our grandparents. They preferred our gift, MIL has never done it since.

Original poster
Choccywokky · 22/12/2016 19:04

She has form. Sad

OP posts:
Sparlklesilverglitter · 22/12/2016 19:20

I'm sure your mil thought she was helping. For this year I'd let it go.

I don't know why people on here get so worked up about women buying presents for there DH family.
Me and dh both but for each other's families if we see something we like, we've never done the whole well they aren't my family they are yours. We are married to me it's 1 family not his and mine Confused

MatildaTheCat · 22/12/2016 19:21

I think it's very heavy handed of her and would mention that you are rather surprised since you'd already chosen a gift for Auntie X. If she has form then you'll need to keep ahead of the game.

Give whatever giddy you intended to and if Aunt says anything look puzzled and make it clear that, no, this is your gift.

FutureMrsRanj · 22/12/2016 19:26

My MIL does stuff like this - be grateful she told you, we have been to numerous family weddings/local gatherings to find we have already given a card and a present. Either everyone thinks I'm overly generous/massively forgetful or they realise. Either way if you or your dh haven't got a present already it's now sorted. Disclaimer : a couple of years ago I would have been outraged on your behalf. Now I find it slightly cringe when two women have to fight to be most traditionally 1950s. She's saved you a job, let her carry on.

EatTheCake · 22/12/2016 19:28

As it's so close to Christmas I'd let it go by gratefully accept and be glad it was 1 thing I didn't have to wrap.

It didn't take long for people to get knickers in a twist over a women buying Christmas gifts for her DH family. How very dare you OP! Imagine being in a relationship when you think of family as 1 not his and mine.. just imagine

Blueberryblueberry · 22/12/2016 19:30

sometimes this happens with us. It's not pa as such, but becomes pa over time as it feeds into the belief that we're still kids/incapable despite being very sadly very grown up. I also don't get the mumsnet issue with buying presents for your dh's side of the family. Paying the council tax and various other bills isn't a penis-only job but it's been allocated to my dh to sort out Hmm honestly sometimes this place is weird. Surely it makes sense for one person to pick up all the generic presents for grandparents/auntie flo etc etc rather than both of you doing a trip to bloody marks for boxes of biscuits?!

ipswichwitch · 22/12/2016 19:38

The cake is too big for her, so MIL gets her a tin of biscuits as well? Or has MIL done this to pre-empt the cake giving? I'm a bit tired and probably reading this wrong!