to hate the comment "I'm an adult, you're a child, so you'll do as I say" or similar?

[Christmas2016]

It's not just me, is it?

At school though he is told to do what the adults say and I wouldn't be amused if he started acting defiant.

Yabu

You can say that children have to do as they are told without saying adults are always right. You do that by apologising and acknowledging a mistake (eg telling the wrong child off) when you make it.

No, people are missing what I'm saying. You're all using examples of when you say "do as mummy says" - that's just implying you're rights, which isn't a bad thing. However, why say "you should do as an adult says"? That's just telling them all adults are right.

Well it is quite difficult to figure out exactly what you are saying.

Your thread title leads most people to suppose you mean the "do as mummy says" situation, hence most of the posts on here are defending that stance. However you are now saying you are OK with this and, presumably with other responsible adults such as teachers taking this approach.

If I understand you correctly you object to someone telling a child to obey all adults. I am not sure I have heard that often without some qualification. Surely all parents teach their children about "stranger danger"

I think it's one thing to say "because mummy said so" and another to say "if an adult tells you to do something, you do it"

That's makes no sense. Most sexual abuse is committed by someone known to the child (including parents/step parents).

From your comments you suggest it's better to tell a child to question an adults authority.

There is a time and place to explain and sometimes because I said so is ok. No need for a debate at every turn... else you find yourself justifying your every decision and action to a child. When sometimes as others say it's ok for things to be just because.

This acceptance is a helpful quality to learn in life especially as an adult as much as challenging things all the time.

I just said this isn't about sexual abuse! That was a tiny snippet! I study other areas too. I was looking for opinions.

Okay, well, I suppose we all have our own parenting ways. You say your way works, I know my way works.

I agree, OP. Random adults don't have authority over my children just because they're older. Why would they?

Is it through a variety of cryptic messages that must be unriddled to have a conversation?

So by continuing to teach children to question authority it will prevent abuse?

we will just end up with a more lawless and feckless society in my opinion. Some kids are bad enough now with their entitled why behaviours

What is your way Christmas? How do you know it works?

Wow, people get really hung up on certain things. I've said multiple times, it isn't just about abuse I'm leaving this here. Bye.

But if her Auntie had said the swing wasn't safe then Katy would never have taken the risk

Of course she would!! A universal truth about children is that they don't consider consequences of their actions and rarely listen to adults' reasons on why they shouldn't do something. Hence "do as I say" is sometimes the only way.

What a weird thread. Are you sure you can have reasoned discussion and research analysis about this? It's not really coming through....

How would children learn if not told by an adult- who points out that that they are an adult (more knowledgeable/experienced) and should respect that advice?!

I use "this is a family, not a democracy" quite a lot, but then I don't naturally tend towards explanations. If they wish to enter well reasoned negotiations with me to get me to change my mind (annoyingly this happening more frequently these days) then that's fine.

I sometimes say 'you can stand on your head and do the fandango and still the answer is no'. 'Because I said so'. 'This is not a negotiation'. 'Because I have more experience than you. It's 2 degrees outside and if you don't wear a coat you will be cold. Fact'.

I find this thread baffling and actually no idea what the OP is on about. Maybe thinking out loud?

I do expect my DCs to do as they are told by other adults but that's all about manners surely. School, scouts, dance class, swimming class etc, friend'a parents.

Wow. A flounce. Awesome.

Already flounced. Never mind.

Certainly makes my life easier as a teacher when children don't want to do as I ask.

I tell my kids that i am in charge (because I am)

I really don't want to have to do a 20 min explanation about why they can't do XYZ every time i say no. I was in a class recently, where every single kid bar about 5 approached the teacher, with their work, seeking, praise and needing validation and an additional instruction (bespoke to them) rather than just doing what he'd said to do which was 'finish your work, put your work in the tray on my desk, and read your reading book'

it is exhausting to watch.

It was exactly poor teachers I was thinking of too !

Well that was weird.

In the unlikely event OP is actually doing 'research' which includes CSA I would be dubious about it's quality as they don't seem to be able to clearly frame a question.
Like a PP I never told my own kids to obey all adults without question nor did I ever hear that advocated in the last 30 or so years, in my won childhood it might perhaps have been said but even then wouold not have stood up to close consideration.
Not sure what OPs motive was really.

OP
You keep posting that other people are missing your point.
You are actually articulating your point very poorly.

Sometimes, in the context of consistent, loving parenting which has at its core good communication, it's perfectly OK to say 'because you are a child so it's my decision'

Extrapolating that that immediately places a child at risk from abuse is a bit stupid TBH.

I think it has its place.

Sometimes there just isn't time for an explanation and discussion.

However I also talk to ds about how no one has the right to touch him or make him feel uncomfortable, including unwanted hugs and kisses. I talk to him about how his body is his and which bits to keep private. I also tell him that he should never be asked to keep secrets and to always come to me.

So hopefully that counterbalances things.