to hate the comment "I'm an adult, you're a child, so you'll do as I say" or similar?

[Christmas2016]

It's not just me, is it?

pressthesebutton tbh I think it really screams poor parenting when someone claims their children shouldn't be told what to do and should have every decision explained/ negotiated with them giving the child the option to say no and do their own thing.

Good parenting is about boundaries

I try to teach mine to generally be compliant with their teachers/friends' parents. There's nothing worse than having a dc visit who won't do as they're asked. Dd has a friend who openly says "I don't have to do what you say" - when asked to stop breaking something or sit at the table to eat. I find her a PITA. She has problems at school and rarely gets invited to people's homes.

It's not a great way of dealing with an issue, but as we know, kids can be totally irrational and downright impossible at times! So yes I do find myself saying this on occasions.

Well you should know children's brains aren't developed until they have passed the adolescence stage then.

I would be very interested to see the research into the link between children being told by their adults in their lives and their ability to report sexual abuse

Of course I'm aware of that, I don't see the relevance though, as you're missing what I'm saying.

There are occasions when adults ARE right and children just have to bite the bullet: Do NOT put your hand in the fire! Put that sharp knife down! Hold my hand as we cross the road. etc.

All this blooming negotiation has gone too far - I listen to it with a sigh. There needs to be a sensible balance.

Problem occurs when you have a parent who says this and says everything they say should be done because they are older and have more experience. Only if you do the opposite you get on better.
Dm said I should take up nursing. She knew this was the right career for me. She was older, she knew better than me because she was the adult.

Anyone who knows me knows no patient would have been safe as I hate ill people. Friends laughed their heads off

I'm not sure what you mean.... if you mean am I okay for a random adult to tell my child to do something and think they should comply then no. I don't think there is a culture of that?

This was just one example. My whole childhood was filled with this phrase

Op you haven't been very clear in your op.

You've not really made sense and backtracked on what you have said.

I think you're so focused on your point of interest that you're skewing the scale of prevalence. Bratty unpleasant children is vastly more common than child sexual abuse. Most people are well adjusted enough to enforce a duality of learning, in being a pleasant child as well as being aware of their own boundaries and raising the alarm with those they feel safe with about possible abuse.

Do as your told can be taught in conjunction with the underwear rule etc.

I don't just look at sexual abuse, I look at the process before that, therefore being relevant to almost all children.

I know what you mean OP but I think it's OK in some situations to say "I'm an adult so I can do thi, but you're a child so you can't".

Abuse and reporting abuse is a whole different matter

Well, if it's a parent saying it to their own child, they could rephrase it as:

I'm YOUR adult so you'll do as I say.

or (for the pedants)

I'm your adult and what I'm asking you to do is not illegal, immoral, harmful, neglectful, sexually, physically or emotionally abusive, racist, zenophobic, triggering, sexist, transphobic, heteronormative, disablist or discriminatory against any protected characteristics. Therefore you'll do what I say.

But I reckons "I'm an adult so you'll do what I say" is quicker.

Do you not believe it's the same with adults though? We are highly sophisticated creatures who can accept more than one form of learning. We are taught in the work place to respect authority and process, but that doesn't mean we disregard what we know to be legal authority or social decency.

I can't think of a single instance when I was raising my children or nowadays in which a child has been told that they must always obey any adult, no matter who they are or what they are telling you do to. I can think of many instances of 'because I said so, that's why', especially after an explanation was already given and a child keeps asking to do or have something.

I can remember that type of thing more when I was a child back in the early '60, the feeling that if Mrs Smith down the road or some random adult at the park told us to stop doing XXX, we needed to stop doing it. But even then that wouldn't have extended to getting in a car or going somewhere with a stranger.

I don't know many parents who tell their children to do whatever any adult says so I think YABU.
I think you need your hypothesis reworded

There has to be some sort of middle ground here. I run a junior sports club (for free) and the kids who don't do as I ask and always have a bloody answer are not fun to be around. They are the reason I spend half the session explaining stuff. It drives me insane and makes me want to not volunteer.
I try to teach my kids to listen to adults but also I talk about it being ok to be uncomfortable with something and you can say no.

OP you are giving tiddly snippets. Explain the circumstances which leads you to think that children should only be told what to do by their parents as in other situations there could be sexual abuse.

And don't say people are not understanding you or twisting what you are saying when you aren't clarifying.

Well if we focus of CSA and the behaviour of an abuser that leads to CSA, then I think it is unfortunately far more complicated than telling your children not to blindly conform to an adult's requests. Because either that child has been slowly groomed for abuse in which their boundaries are slowly and, at first at least, willingly eroded or they have been manipulated into that position through fear.

Either way, the right combination of magical words won't keep that shit away from your door.

Letting children know that not all adults are safe and constant open communication about what is going on in their lives can help though. I think most adults make sure that 'do as you are told' involves a series of mutually understood caveats.

Why have you posted this in AIBU OP?

Wouldn't it have been more appropriate to upload an article explaining why are are totally right about this?
Its not like you are really asking for a discussion and different opinions.

When you say you research psychology, what do you mean?

Majority of the time my son will get what he wants but in our house some things are non negotiable.
In general those are things like bedtime as we keep them the same not to disturb his routine as that will lead to a meltdown or anything medical like his glasses or eye patches.
Our life fits around him to the most part though.

Just digging around it seems.

Cauliflower your post was a perfect response.