Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was a weird question, and a bit racist?

101 replies

Nameforsaken · 22/12/2016 11:37

Mil lives in a city, I live in a small village with nearest city a good 60miles away.

We were visiting and we were watching citizen kahn, my ds thinks it's hillarious!

Mil sat next to me and asked if we had any of them near us, gesturing to the telly. I kind of looked at her, knowing what she meant and just played dumb saying any of who? She tutted and changed subject.

It has made me think that maybe she's racist? It's made me dislike her a bit more but am i over thinking it? Why ask such a random question, and does it really matter?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nameforsaken · 22/12/2016 12:15

Yes nell

OP posts:
Original poster
Nameforsaken · 22/12/2016 12:16

Well it's certainly made me dislike her a bit

OP posts:
nell15 · 22/12/2016 12:18

Then you are doing what you say she is doing lumping a whole group of people together and sticking a label on them!!

60sname · 22/12/2016 12:19

My PIL and mum are all 65 to 70 and manage not to be racist/ask thick, veiled questions.

my dad is another matter

Original poster
Nameforsaken · 22/12/2016 12:19

I knew you were going to say that nell

OP posts:
awayinamazda · 22/12/2016 12:19

Nell, I think the OP did it deliberately, to be ironic?

Optimist1 · 22/12/2016 12:20

Well said, @nell15 !

NavyandWhite · 22/12/2016 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuzzyCustard · 22/12/2016 12:22

"That generation" is an ageist statement. People of all and any age hold a range of views.
The question sounds racist to me because of its generalisation.
As do the ageist comments for the same reason.

downwardfacingdog · 22/12/2016 12:22

Yep sounds pretty racist to me, though not as bad as my outrageously racist MIL and FIL. Their views were obvious from the first time I met them. I don't think age is an excuse either. My parents are only a bit younger - 60s - and not racist.

nell15 · 22/12/2016 12:23

I think we have to think before we stick labels willynilly on whole sections of society

Manumission · 22/12/2016 12:25

Yeah, pretty racist. Unless by 'them' she meant brummies

This.

And the brummies wouldn't deserve the pig ignorant mode of communication either but I doubt she meant brummies.

Gollygeewhizztits · 22/12/2016 12:26

Sounds like the type of thing my out-laws would say, and they're racist. But their racist views have been obvious since the first time I met them.

Gollygeewhizztits · 22/12/2016 12:28

And agree, it's not an age thing. Maybe they were brought up in a time or place when racism was more acceptable, but so were plenty of other not-racist people. And I've encountered racists who are younger than me. (I'm 29).

Brokenbiscuit · 22/12/2016 12:28

She probably is racist but is from THAT generation.

I really hate it when I read stuff like this. My parents are older than the OP's MiL and they have fought against racism all their lives. It was wrong 50 years ago and it's wrong now.

And yes, OP, your MiL's comment was racist. I think your reaction was fine.

MmmCuriouSir · 22/12/2016 12:30

People identify with a particular ethnicity and recognising that others are not of the same group is not racist.

lovelearning · 22/12/2016 12:31

asked if we had any of them near us

Nameforsaken, you ought to have answered her patiently and honestly.

Either "yes, we know some lovely Muslim people"

or "no, but wouldn't it be great if we did?"

iklboodolphRedNoseReindeer · 22/12/2016 12:32

FIL did something similar. DH & I just kept saying 'what, actors? Policemen? Teachers? ( whatever character was on screen).

AmandaK11 · 22/12/2016 12:37

If she is from the old generation, it is understandable. You cannot change old people.

Tubbyinthehottub · 22/12/2016 12:41

Yes she is racist.

SapphireStrange · 22/12/2016 12:42

Mmm, it's the way you refer to people from a different group.

I'm white and it would get my back up if someone referred to me and a group of white people as 'them'. It is offensive to refer to people as a lump like that.

Amanda, that just isn't good enough. Is it not agist to assume/accept that someone of a certain age cannot change?

Strongmummy · 22/12/2016 12:44

Yes she's racist, yes you're right to dislike her more. You'll probably need to warn your kids about granny's bigotry when they get older. I've already worked out the conversation I'm going to have with my son about his grandfather (my dad) who's a racist prat.

Brokenbiscuit · 22/12/2016 12:46

If she is from the old generation, it is understandable. You cannot change old people.

I think that's bullshit. Of course older people are capable of learning and changing.

But even if they weren't, she shouldn't have to change. Racism has been wrong all her life, and she has had years to learn that.

Original poster
Nameforsaken · 22/12/2016 12:49

Hindsight is a great thing love They'd have been great responses

OP posts:
kaitlinktm · 22/12/2016 12:58

If she is from the old generation, it is understandable. You cannot change old people

She probably is racist but is from THAT generation

This sort of thing makes me despair. I am of that generation so, without even knowing me, are people just assuming I am a racist? It hacks me off so much.

Swipe left for the next trending thread