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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it reasonable to move?

55 replies

dreamapart · 21/12/2016 13:58

Wibu to move a long way away from children's father, though staying in the uk? Or is this not allowed?

OP posts:
xStefx · 21/12/2016 14:03

Whats the reason for moving? Job, new bloke?

Original poster
dreamapart · 21/12/2016 14:07

New start really :)

OP posts:
Daisyfrumps · 21/12/2016 14:08

It's legal, but I think the other party can try to go to court to attempt to stop it. I think if the child has already moved and is settling into school etc then it's unlikely a court will rule to force her to return.

Are you fleeing?

Original poster
dreamapart · 21/12/2016 14:09

No, not really, I just feel a fresh start would be best

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 21/12/2016 14:11

It's so hard to say if it's reasonable with the little info you've posted. If your children have a good relationship with their dad who wants to be involved then I would say it was unreasonable if the only reason was a 'fresh start'.

Daisyfrumps · 21/12/2016 14:11

www.familyfirstsolicitors.co.uk/moving-away-kids/

Original poster
dreamapart · 21/12/2016 14:12

I think it's really because I don't trust myself not to go back to him, if he's close?

OP posts:
Daisyfrumps · 21/12/2016 14:16

Have you had any counselling?

NathanBarleyrocks · 21/12/2016 14:16

How would you feel if he did this to you?

Original poster
dreamapart · 21/12/2016 14:18

No, why?

I'd be very upset Nathan

OP posts:
limon · 21/12/2016 14:19

How would you feel if he moved away with the kids?

UnbornMortificado · 21/12/2016 14:21

It will be legal although ethically not so much.

I don't see why you'd move children away from their other parent except for abuse, violence etc.

Floralnomad · 21/12/2016 14:21

I don't think you should do this unless there is a very good reason ie excellent new job / dying relative that you need to care for , your children are entitled to a proper relationship with both parents .

Daisyfrumps · 21/12/2016 14:23

I think if you're mainly wanting to move away because you don't trust yourself to not get back with him, it might be easier to do some emotional work on yourself - make yourself stronger. This may be better than running away?

Or was he abusive?

DearMrDilkington · 21/12/2016 14:26

If he is a good father and has a good relationship with the children then I think it's a really selfish idea, sorry. I also think your children will resent you later on in life.

Unless there is more to it of course.

Original poster
dreamapart · 21/12/2016 14:31

I don't really know. We've not split up yet.

OP posts:
Daisyfrumps · 21/12/2016 14:47

Why do you want to split up?

Original poster
dreamapart · 21/12/2016 15:02

He's not very nice to me. But he's a good Dad.

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 21/12/2016 15:06

If he's a good dad and you have no legitimate reason for moving then I'd say Yabu.

If kids have good parents then it's wrong to take them away from one of them if it can be avoided.

Get some counselling. I found relate very useful when trying to decide to stay in my marriage or not. They let me see the pros and cons. How in could go about separating and what it would look like

Original poster
dreamapart · 21/12/2016 15:15

People have said not to go to relate, so I'm not sure if I should of not?

OP posts:
UnbornMortificado · 21/12/2016 15:16

You've got to put your children first.

DD2's dad was an abusive arsehole who currently isn't allowed unsupervised contact but I still wouldn't move,

DH was offered work down south we turned it down so DD can still see him supervised at his mams.

I do sympathise with you, I'd of loved the fresh start and the peace.

Daisyfrumps · 21/12/2016 15:18

Which people have said not to go to Relate OP? You don't have to go as a couple. If he's not nice and controlling in the relationship it's best to attend counselling alone.

xStefx · 21/12/2016 15:21

If you move away from your support network I.e Family and friends then your more likely to go back to him.

Leave him but don't make it hard for the children to have a relationship with their dad

I would suggest relate , at least you tried

5000candlesinthewind · 21/12/2016 15:21

You would be very unreasonable imo. Very selfish of you.

Could you not move an hour or so away? That way you're not close enough to start things up again but your child can still easily see their dad and continue a relationship with him

hellsbellsmelons · 21/12/2016 15:24

If 'he's not very nice to you' I assume you mean he's a bully or he's verbally abusive?
Has he ever been voilent?
Smash things up etc.....?
That would make a difference to how people would answer.