Time alone without baby - how can I defend cousin?

[Babyhiccups]

Me and DH are currently up staying with his family. I am eight months pregnant with my first child so have limited understanding of how difficult it is having a baby.

MIL and SIL were talking about their niece/cousin today (who I like and get on well with) who was having a day to herself, hair cut, massage, nice lunch etc... whilst her DH looked after their two year old.

Both were commenting that it was never done in their day - 'I don't get this need for time away from your child, I never needed it, I loved being with my kids' etc...

Now I'm all for DH spending time alone with DC when it arrives and I think time alone/time for fathers to bond is so important. But I got shouted down because of course I'll feel differently once the baby is here. I don't think I am wrong, but wanted views from people on here around how I can defend my cousin (albeit in law) for wanting and needing a break!

[Caterina99]

Just give up now OP. If cousin can't leave their 2 year old with their own parent for a few hours without disapproval then your MIL is clearly crazy (or hates cousin). I don't know a single person who wouldn't do this. Its normal. It's not like she's going away for months! (Which would be fine if all parties were happy)

I just left my 18 month old with DH for a long weekend away. I'm a sahm and I think it did DH good to see he could manage perfectly fine. They had a whale of a time! Maybe people judged me but I don't care. Just ignore MIL

[annandale]

As other posters have said, now's the time to get used to the fact that everyone is a critic when it comes to parenthood. Also, newsflash - there will be times when you decide to do something, and something goes wrong, or you decide in retrospect that you wish you'd done it a different way. This is how you learn things, and is equally likely to happen when you do something that your MIL approves of as it does when you do something your MIL disapproves of.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

Next time tell them that no one gets a pat on the back for being a mummy martyr and it's pure sexist drivel to say women don't need time away from their kids. They sound horribly judgmental, if I were you OP aid have this in the back of my mind after your DC arrives!

I commit the cardinal sin of having a day off every 5 or 6 weeks when 3yo DD is in nursery and I do absolutely sod all. I don't clean, or do chores, I watch bad movies and slob about on the couch, or go shopping without a toddler to distract me. I once bumped into an old friend on one of these days off who asked where DD was (which is annoying in itself as DH never gets asked this) and I said she's at nursery I'm having a day off. She looked horrified and said "oh I couldn't do that, I'd feel far too guilty" why?! And what about?!

I for onerefuse to feel guilty, time alone makes me a better mum and I have a bloody lovely day! I can highly recommend it

[Chattycat78]

Agree with everything being said. You NEED time off sometimes with young children - you'd go mental otherwise! I've got a toddler and a 6 month old and I've just got to the point now where I can leave the 6 month old with daddy for the afternoon occasionally - I really look forward to those times off! Ignore anyone who makes u feel guilty. Early parenting is so intense, and anyone who wonders why you need time off clearly has forgotten how intense it actually is. Most days, I can barely get to the loo when I want.

Also, i would recommend introducing baby to a Bottle early if u can (if planning to breastfeed) so u can make sure you do get a break.

[RattieOfCatan]

What twats. Let them gossip about you. I have a 5wo. She is breastfed so I can't leave her for long but I'm so looking forward to having me time! My mum is going to take her for an hour between feeds next week so that DH and I can just go for a short walk to get out of the house together. DH takes her on a Saturday morning at 6 so that I can sleep for an extra couple of hours. As soon as baby lets me I'll be going swimming once or twice a week. DH is looking forward to get being less dependant on me so that he can take her out for an hour or two as well. Fuck what anybody else thinks, personal space and you time is important. As is dad and child time!

Like dead said, 20-30 years ago letting a baby cry it out was positively encouraged, parenting is very different now and people are stupid to not believe that. And dad's are encouraged/expected to be more involved, which is also great as it seems that society has finally realised that there are two parents!

deblet I'm already getting that from MIL. DH is so good to take baby for a couple of hours on a weekend morning for me but nothing about how good I am for caring for baby when he's at the gym