to be proud of my daughters achievements

[mamatiger83]

So, my daughter who is 10 is an extremely bright young girl (I'm not just biased) and her school invited her to take part in some extra-curricular work that involves visiting universities and working with phd tutors, resulting in a piece of work that if they pass they will have a sort of graduation ceremony. The idea is to show that from a young age it is possible to aim high and work hard to achieve something. I am very proud of her this and she has worked her socks off. There were another 11 students chosen for this also, they were selected based on teachers recommendations, behaviour and marks achieved in school. I see no problem with this. However, when speaking to a group of friends the whole scheme was widely criticised for favouring the 'smarter' kids over the kids who may not be as academically minded. While I don't disagree that there is more then one kind of intelligence and every child is unique and special I feel that this was really awful. In my experience it is the children who do not perform as well at school, or do not behave as well that receive the most rewards, i.e - headteachers awards etc. I am not stating that as a fact, its just an opinion based on the schooling my children have received. My son for example, he is not interested in school work and will find any reason to avoid it despite being imo very clever, he made very little effort, however, when he did he was given praise and rewarded with certificates and such. My daughter who loves to do school work and consistently scores high on spelling/maths tests or does her homework as soon as she is assigned has never received a single reward. (I hope this making sense!!).
So, for me, this opportunity for her was some sort of validation that yes she is being noticed which I thought was great and very deserved.
I tried to convey this to my friends but I'm rubbish at confronting and ended up leaving :(
What does everyone think?

[Pilgit]

At my school the only achievement worth anything was sporting prowess. Everything else went ignored. Musicians were expected to trot out and represent the school at all sorts of things but our achieve were never recognised and there was no thanks - no acknowledgment of our hard work and commitment. It was the same with academic success - it was somehow shameful to enjoy school work and be good at academics. Bloody frustrating!

[TheMortificadosDragon]

OP, that sounds like a great scheme, and of course you should be proud of your DD. They didn't get their places merely by being effortlessly clever, did they?

What subject area is it? (just being nosy )

[opinionatedfreak]

I was an academically able child.

I got thoroughly fed up at school of other people's achievements - sport, drama, music, art being lauded but mine being ignored. The school line was that it was unfair to the less able children to praise the high achievers.

I failed then and I fail now to understand why this only applies to academic talent.

I was never going to win any other prizes as I was so tuneless I was excluded from the whole school choir (quite an achievement

[WitchSharkadder]

I agree with you completely, OP.

I also have a very academic DC, we're very lucky in his schools have always been encouraging and supportive. He sat one of his GCSEs in the summer, in Year 7, we discussed it at length with him & his teachers before we went ahead but absolutely wanted to do it and got top marks. The cat's bum mouths were ridiculous from some people, apparently I'm an awful parent for putting him under so much pressure so young, I'm hot housing him etc, etc.

It couldn't be further from the truth actually, he's always been gifted in that subject and it was me who was the most apprehensive out of everyone. There was discussion about him doing his science GCSEs this year but I've said no until year 9 because I think it's a lot of stress.

Ignore them, like a PP said, nobody gets this if they talk about their kids sporting/musical/gymnastics/whatever achievements. It's very unfair.

[youarenotkiddingme]

I agree completely.

My ds has an amazing ability with coding and logical maths.

But he also has asd, sensory motor disorder, extremely poor literacy skills and behaviour linked to poor social communication.

He is awarded for effort towards the things he struggles with and I've always felt he should be awarded for things he can achieve in well. I think it would help him realise he is actually good at something.

Massive congratulations to your DD. And if anyone says that the scheme rewards the academic I'd reply "well yes, that's the whole point of it!"

[mamatiger83]

Perhaps my post was incorrectly titled, thanks to one snotty and unnecessary comment I should point out I don't need anybody to tell me it's ok to be proud of my daughter. The point of this thread was the attitude surrounding celebrating a very academic child. It's a shame that anybody feels the need to be so needlessly negative :(

[mamatiger83]

TheMortificadosDragon
The project is STEM based and the emphasis was on maths, specifically ancient maths and Pythagoras theorem

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

Two of my children struggle and get extra help. Which is great. But I'm with you - just because she is clever doesn't mean you can't be proud and she can't be proud of what she's attained.

Well done littletiger, celebrate your achievements!

[PhilODox]

curiousowl I'm guessing you haven't been in many selective schools? Sadly, I know far too many children that have been laughed at, or bullied, for being only grade 5, or being on the B team.

This attitude to academic achievement only exists if you allow it to. If you show your children how much you value academic study, though do take care to reward effort made rather than outcomes as not all children are as able as OP's child, then they will value an academic ethos. Choose schools that are academic for your children, go in and help schools, perhaps by offering extra-curricular activities or workshops that stretch those able pupils, for example, the school where I was a governor, where a governor went in every week and ran a stretch maths session for able pupils (he was a retired maths lecturer) - yes he had specific skill set, but I'm pretty sure lots of parents on here do too, MNers on the whole are v well educated.

[CrazyGreyhoundLady]

YANBU at all! How wonderful for you and your daughter! I was bright as a kid and as PP have said often you can end up bullied by the other children and your achievements ignored by the teachers. My favourite teacher was the one who noticed and found extra things for me to learn to push me and who always found time on parents evening to tell my parents how well I was doing. Seemed to make it worth while to a very shy little girl. Got better when I was put onto a gifted and talented program, they did special classes and trips to help push us which was wonderful.

As for your judgy, unkind, jealous 'friends' ignore them! And make sure you give then plenty of updates on this fantastic opportunity your dd has. I'd be tempted to go "oh didn't your dd/ds get onto the program?" but I'm a little lot catty and this probably isn't the best way to handle it. As PP have said maybe ask if your friends think picking the ones who are talented at sports for the sports teams is unfair, because it is the same principle in a different area!

The most important thing here is that you have a wonderful talented dd who teachers are recognising, praising and helping to excel and she has a mummy who she knows is proud and supportive of her. Well done to you both, she's a credit to you, don't let them spoil that joy.