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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL's visit from Father Christmas

94 replies

AliceFish16 · 20/12/2016 07:11

Morning!

I saw my in laws briefly yesterday and my mil said something to my DD (3.5) about Father Christmas leaving presents at her house for her and DS (baby) but only if they are good (we are going to them for Christmas Day).

We have told DD that Father Christmas only visits children not adults (as she asked what FC was bringing us, her grandparents etc). I know my mums presents to DC will be from her not FC and I don't really want other FC presents given to our children than anyone but ourselves (this is how it was when I was growing up).

AIBU to ask mil not to do this or should I stop being selfish/protective and let mil go ahead?

I realise how trivial this is but when I asked by DH he just brushed over it and I know my mum will say don't let her! So would love some other views!

OP posts:

user1480946351 · 20/12/2016 11:57

Oh, and there's no normal or wrong, you do it how you seem fit

You forgot "without ordering the rest of the family around and being a total wagon about having everything your own way".

There is never any one way to do it, but the key is to accomodate and compromise. It's a HAPPY thing, make everyone happy!

ALittleMop · 20/12/2016 11:58

I don't understand why it all needs to be stage managed to the nth degree.
Keeping one particular version of the FC fiction going is not important. Children will love whatever happens even if it is delightfully inconsistent.

We do xmas a completely different way to all my kid's friends. We do a stocking with just little treats from FC by fireplace, real presents from real people. DDs best friend gets a sack with everything from everybody in a sack from FC on her bed. Her other friend's dad is Dutch and gets gifts on December 6th . They are not confused, bothered, the magic is not undermined. They just say "in our house we do it like this".

So, yeah, basically, chill out

BertrandRussell · 20/12/2016 12:18

This is the thread that keeps on giving. "Total wagon" has not just replaced "complete coin" as my non sweary insult of choice.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 20/12/2016 12:33

I think children learn very very early that if they don't exercise a bit of cognitive dissonance around Father Christmas, they'll have to just not believe. I don't get all this concern about all the family being on board with the same version.

I coped with him being in shops, visiting school, bringing my friends My Little Pony Stables but me just stocking presents!

That said, DD1 rumbled us when she found the FC wrapping paper in a drawer age 6. Hey ho (ho ho).

user1480946351 · 20/12/2016 12:33

If you want to go up one from total wagon, the next stage is an absolute weapon

QuackDuckQuack · 20/12/2016 12:54

We moved to FC bringing small presents after DD said, 'I know the Easter bunny isn't real and those presents at Easter were from you. Santa gives much better presents than you.'

I haven't given presents at Easter since either - they were things like PJs. But I'm not having Santa getting all the credit or DD giving the impression to friends that Santa brings loads in case they get far less from Santa.

SatsukiKusakabe · 20/12/2016 13:11

Yes accommodate and compromise, and it goes both ways. One person doing all the accommodations doesn't make for everyone being happy.

I don't really care how long they really believe, I don't think I ever believed myself (my parents only seemed to decide all this 'magic' was important when The grandchildren came along ) but I am not so into it as others seem to be and I don't like having to be constantly on the ball with wacky stories. My ds leads it and I follow his lead and expectations of it. Other adults don't need to get involved with fantasy embellishments, just gifts from themselves with love and their presence on the day. No one is micro managed, it just doesn't have to be a big production to be magical and fun for everyone.

My mum buys excessive amounts every year. I don't relish it, but it gives her pleasure and I love her and so I try to appreciate it. That doesn't mean I have to compromise in all areas, and she can take a kind word telling her not to come down the chimney in full costume without sulking because she's a grown up too, and knows I would find all the extra pretence stressful. Give and take.

SatsukiKusakabe · 20/12/2016 13:14

Sorry, not angry costa, just appalled then

user1480946351 · 20/12/2016 13:16

Yes accommodate and compromise, and it goes both ways. One person doing all the accommodations doesn't make for everyone being happy

No-one has suggested that only one party gets their way...except for the hardcore "my children so you all do as I say" group.

LikeaSnowflake · 20/12/2016 13:19

I don't get this worrying about how children will understand if FC does this here and then differently somewhere else!

Different things happened at my friends houses and I was capable of making room in my imagination for the stories about FC I experienced and other people's experience without it impacting on the 'magic' I experienced at Christmas time when I was a child.

Are children some kind of cynical super-detectives these days?

MsJamieFraser · 20/12/2016 13:23

I don't see the issue my inlaws do this, the boys think it's fab.

DizzyBlondeMum2 · 20/12/2016 13:25

Seems perfectly reasonable to me for FC to visit MIL to leave presents for your children. Not like she is trying to appropriate the stockings like a MIL was in a thread a few weeks ago.

My Mum does this and it works well- enable her to enjoying their 'little faces' when the open her gifts. We've already had the magic all morning, so we don't miss out.

Is this a new thing for you this year? Why the change? Your reaction seems a bit OTT is MIL up to other stuff too?

SatsukiKusakabe · 20/12/2016 13:26

I'm not so sure - it seemed to be suggested that even talking to the mil about not being keen on the idea was micromanaging and over the top, and that the op had "come to her senses" after considering expressing dissent.

BertrandRussell · 20/12/2016 13:37

My fil used to take each grandchild in turn and sit with the Argos catalogue for them to make their selections. Then he used to ring Santa up and ask whether the things were available and ask them to be delivered to his house. I can see the Mumsnet mothers in attacks of the vapors as I type.

It didn't stop Father Christmas dealing in a more traditional way with requests from our house. And it was a wonderful get out, because FIL took huge pleasure in getting his grandchildren things their parents wouldn't have agreed to. So I could say a firm "No" to hideous Barbie stuff, for example - knowing that "Bad Santa" would come up with the goods.

DrowningInPoop · 20/12/2016 15:33

Think people are getting a bit over invested in other people's business.

For the record, we've not had any arguments over it and yes, I'm one of those people who wish that I could have my family with me at Christmas, but that doesn't mean that I can't get to have the reward of doing Christmas for my children in a way that suits us.

Will bow out now as it's completely detracting from the OP.

QuackDuckQuack · 20/12/2016 16:19

My parents told us that Santa was really busy and had asked them to get his presents for him. So we all went off shopping together. I doubt that our belief in him survived much longer.

user1480946351 · 20/12/2016 16:24

but that doesn't mean that I can't get to have the reward of doing Christmas for my children in a way that suits us

I think this is the problem; making it all about the parents enjoyment at the expense of other peoples. Can't you make it so there is enjoyment for everyone?. Isn't that the entire point of Christmas?
The petty point scoring of "they are my children so they can only have a stocking from me, you had your turn 30 years ago" seems to be the very antithesis of the spirit of the thing.

DrowningInPoop · 20/12/2016 17:51

Oh yes, I'm getting it all my way at the expense of my MIL when I'm packing up the whole house and driving for hours and spending 5 days there because she wants a big family Christmas. Sorry for being so selfish!

FWIW we had to choose, buy and wrap a present from MIL for my children as she can't be bothered to do that herself.

I won't be back now user as you seem to have decided to pick on my comments for some reason. I may be in the minority but I'm still entitled to my opinion.

user1480946351 · 20/12/2016 18:13

And I am entitled to disagree with that opinion. I'm talking about anyone in the "my way or else" camp, not specifically you. And if you feel that it doesn't apply to you anyway, why so bothered?

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