Swindling elderly Mum

[Serowe72]

My sister in law is unfortunately one of life's takers. She hasn't worked for 21 years since her eldest was born, her youngest child is now 18.

She has been divorced for past 10 years and her ex husband has been financially fair, but is due to stop paying this year, she currently lives in a large 5 bedroom and her Mum covers mortgage for her. Sister in law was in JSA for a short time but found the regular visits to the JobCentre too much, so stopped signing on after 12 months.

So my partner wants to raise the matter with his Mum as he/we feel she is bring taken advantage of. Her youngest son is a drug dealer, Mother in law doesn't know this. I think my husband should tell Mother in law everything, including the information about her Grandson.

AIBU?

I'd be careful about what you say. Do you have proof of Nephews dealing?
If you do have proof, approach the subject with caution.

Hi Stripey,

Thanks for reply. Yes sister in law herself told us. It's such a sensitive subject I think my husband would rather pull his own teeth than confront his sister.

Why are you so involved?

You aren't worried mil is infirm just that she wouldn't approve of dgs?

Ever heard the saying about counting chickens?

We are involved because she is my husband's Mother who goes without to support her lazy daughter and grown children.

No, she wouldn't approve of drugs, much less her cash going to him so he can continue to deal.

Not sure what counting chickens has to do with the situation

Are you prepared for the repercussions when as is pretty much inevitable, the messenger gets shot?

Here either SIL shoots you - you ruin her gravy train..

MIL shoots you - you ruin her cosy view of SIL and grandchildren

BOTH shoot you and almost certainly continue on as they are.

I don't disagree that MIL should be enlightned if she really is being taken advantage of but there is a HIGH risk involved and especially if there is the tiniest fraction of a smidgen of a HINT that your partner will financially benefit, it is likely to be messy.

In your shoes I'd stay well out of it, if your H wants to tell his mum whats going on he can, but if he does so quietly, privately and without letting on that all and sundry know, so much the better!

In the end unless mil is vulnerable her money is hers to do with as she chooses. Chances are your dh will simply be frozen out as each will deny it.