husband lied about credit card I don't know if I'm being unreasonable to annoyed

[woodenmouse]

Me and dh don't have a lot of money and we are trying to save for a house. Dh is rubbish with money. When we met he had a few pay day loans and a rubbish credit rating. We've been working hard to save and fix his credit score. He then took out a business loan and fucked up the business so we are paying that back. He has been opening his post and then shredding it straight away but today i found a credit card statement I though he didn't have a credit card but the statement was dated last month and the was over the credit limit. I text him and asked him if he had a credit card I didn't know about and he said no. So I sent him a photo of the statement so he said he had one but he thought he told me he was getting it to improve his credit rating. I asked him why he told me he had said he didn't have one and he said it was because things have been good recently (we went through a bit rough patch) and he didn't want to upset me.
I recently found out he lied about little things too, stupid things like saying he baked his mum's bitlrthday cake but then I found the box in the bin etc.
AIBU to be really upset?

Now he knows you know, do what you can to lock down any accounts and cards and spending he has access to.

If he thinks you might try to rein him in he might have a big spend while he can.

Also check your credit score and his and see if there are any other nasty shocks.

Then draw up a simple overview page to show the current situation, highlighting current outgoings and savings, necessaries and luxuries, and figure out how in the short term he is going to get by without extra money to waste.

Good luck...

What a mess. Hope you get this all sorted.

Thank you everyone.

The twat went to the pub after work. He insisted he Only had one but he absolutly stank.

The funny thing is he text me while he was at work begging for another chance, saying he couldn't lose his kids, that he would do what ever it took and then he fucked of to the pub and came home over an hour late.

He also had the guys to say he would come round the house every day to see the kids. I told him he wouldn't, he would come round when I say he can.

I really thought he would prove that he wanted to save out marriage. When unsaid to him i thought he would at least try he said well you told me not to try so I don't know what to do.

Oh, well. Nothing is his fault, is it? Don't get dragged into reasoning with him. He's utterly useless and determined to blame anyone but him.

To be fair, now there isn't anything he can do, is there? That's not your fault btw. It is his for his choices.

He can't save this. It is understandable that you are upset her is not trying to, but based on his recent past behaviour it is unreasonable to expect him to. A leopard and shorts sping to mind.

Good luck.

I don't understand why couples stay 'together' for a fake Christmas. Lots of children pick up on the tense atmosphere and the sound of raised voices muffled behind closed doors at night - not understanding why mum & dad aren't happy but it's supposed to be a happy time. I suppose the alternative must be worse though. Jan must be busy for solicitors!

If you've told him you're splitting after Xmas then you can hope he would try to treat you with respect until then - but you can't be surprised when he continues to behave like an arse. Or were you hoping he'd turn over a brand new leaf entirely?

I have been through similar and I recommend that you seek legal advice about getting a 'financial divorce' to separate his debts from your credit rating. I didn't do this and it turned out that I was liable for his debts when he defaulted, even though we had been divorced for some time. I got it sorted out eventually, but it took a long time and was stressful. Good luck!

He will never change, ever. My ex lied about unimportant things (like yours says he baked the cake when he didnt) and I lost all respect for him. He never lied about big things though, like yours.
I came to the conclusion it was a form of control, ie. he felt 'bigger' knowing he knew the real truth and I didn't, a relationship cannot work on that foundation. Obviously there were other problems, but that was certainly one thing that made me go off him. I hate liars.

When you change the WAY you look at things, the things you look at change.
So, he is a good Dad (not great or he wouldn't put his family in fanatical jeopardy), a 'nice' person and turning out to be a rubbish husband and an excellent teller of fibs.
For me, he gets one chance. Tell the truth, work out a plan to fix it, action that plan, do not deviate from the plan. If he does, as PP said LTB.
You will reap what you sow and your children will reap what you sow. Is that the life you want for them?

The thought of being a single mum terrifies me. I relay on my husband to do things much more than I should. I think part of me is hoping for some mericle that will save us but it's not going to happen because there's no trust there any more.

The fear of the unknown is (mostly) worse than the actual event.
Get all your ducks in a row financially and legally. Know what you will deal with and make a plan. That puts YOU in control.
Being a parent is hard, being a single parent is harder still but you are effectively the only adult in charge at the moment in your family. Seize control of YOUR life and don't allow yourself to be deceived any longer. You are where you are today and you CAN do this. Thousands do it day in day out. Just get the right advice, get family support ( if possible) and within no time, your life will have a new, less worrisome normal.

We've been working hard to save and fix his credit score.

Here's your problem. There's no we've. He doesn't have the same desire as you. And lying shows a lack of the necessary respect in a relationship.

You were skating on thin ice but he keeps smashing it up. HIM. It's impossible to have a marriage with a pathological liar.

No medical expert here, but PND seems to be a very logical result to living with an arse.

If he is a good father, he can still be a good father after you split up. Sorry you are going through this OP, but it sounds like it has been a long-time coming and now is the start of a much better situation for you.