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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact dds work?

140 replies

Isadora2007 · 19/12/2016 09:01

Dd1 is 16. Still at school but recently got a waitressing job at local hotel. She has worked three shifts - well four if you count the first 6 hour "trial" shift for which she won't get paid (her staggering £3.80 an hour) for.
Anyway. Yesterday she came home from a 2-8pm shift at 8.45 (ten minute walk home) knackered and a bit tearful. She hadn't had a break and hadn't felt able to ask as "no one else had a break".
Aibu to call her work and ask about breaks? She thinks they will sack her if I do. I think they're breaking the law as I believe 16-18 yr olds are required to have a half hour break every 4.5 hours of work.
Help... I'm really not usually an interfering mum but my mama bear instincts are kicking in as I think it's so wrong to pay crap wages and take advantage of young workers like this. (But I realise I may be overreacting)

OP posts:
xStefx · 19/12/2016 13:46

Oh gosh, you cant call her work that's terrible. Educate your daughter on what she is and isn't entitled to and let her sort it out.

mikeyssister · 19/12/2016 14:09

DS is 18 and has never drunk outside the house. DD is 16 and has never drunk outside the house. However, they have both tried sips of wine and beer in the house, as both DH and I try to promote safe drinking.

It's the against law and I've no idea why people think its acceptable, funny even, for a 16 year old to have a hangover.

VintagePerfumista · 19/12/2016 14:15

Ha ha mikey, too funny.

That's what we all said.

SolomanDaisy · 19/12/2016 14:24

Hahaha,I didn't know any teenagers' parents actually believed that stuff! Also it's not illegal for teenagers to drink.

agedknees · 19/12/2016 14:29

This thread has made me so angry.

The reason your ddis not getting breaks is because th workplace is understaffed so cannot cover breaks.

People who are saying that's hospitality - the op's dd is legally entitled to a break. She isn't getting one because of where she works wants a bigger profit margin, pure and simple.

Years ago we sent children up chimneys and down mines. Are all the people who are saying forget about breaks happy for us to return to this days.

mikeyssister · 19/12/2016 14:29

DS is on medication and cannot drink or it will end in him being hospitalised. Since he started the medication he has not touched a drop.

DD does not like the taste of alcohol and only one of her friends drinks, none of the others do.

I'm not stupid I'm extremely lucky that my children have never drunk. However, if they did I would not excuse it or think it's funny for them to have a hangover at 16.

And we did not ALL say that. I also never drank until I was 18.

KoalaDownUnder · 19/12/2016 14:50

Years ago we sent children up chimneys and down mines

Yes, because a 16-year-old working for 6 hours in a restaurant is exactly the same as that. Ffs.

agedknees · 19/12/2016 15:15

Didn't say it was the same, your interpretation koala, not mine.

VintagePerfumista · 19/12/2016 15:24

Oh give over Agedknees.

VintagePerfumista · 19/12/2016 15:26

My interpretation is that you seem to have extrapolated that us thinking a) 6 hrs is really quite normal, especially waitressing and even more so at busy times and b) her mammy shouldn't get involved (agreed with by mammy herself) means that we think kids should go up chimneys.

Have you been at the cooking sherry again?

Original poster
Isadora2007 · 19/12/2016 17:09

Whilst I don't think it's equating to chimney sweeps etc I DO think it is unacceptable that employers can get away with not adhering to rules and regulations simply to enhance their profit at the expense of people they're already taking advantage of by giving shit wages to.
Yes she is an "adult" so should be able to speak up for herself... so why then isn't she entitled to a livin wage? Surely it can't work one way but not the other. As a 16 year old she hasn't got the life experience or the power to speak up when everyone else is sucking it up and getting on with it. But still she Ian expected to do the same job for less pay?
I support her choices but can assure you if she either gets sacked for it working the hours they want her to over Xmas or for asking for breaks I will be all over their Facebook page sending them links to the legal obligations.
And the tips get "shared out" between all staff. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Isadora2007 · 19/12/2016 17:10

And Mikey if you have teens and know all about alcohol, why were you asking "why is She hungover"? Drop the passive aggressive shit and just say "I don't approve of 16 year olds drinking" ?

OP posts:
mikeyssister · 19/12/2016 17:31

Nothing passive agressive about it.

Your teen should not be drinking to such an extent at 16 that she has a hangover and no she's not an adult.

And I would feel exactly the same about it if it was one of mine.

mikeyssister · 19/12/2016 17:32

And I never claimed to know everything about alcohol

1horatio · 19/12/2016 17:41

It surely isn't that bad. She's 16, sister.

I loved partying when I was her age (couldn't do it often for sport related reasons, admittedly). But as long aw there are no issues at school, she has a social life and isn't getting in trouble that doesn't seem like something I'd be very concerned about. And she even has a job. So...?

TwentyCups · 19/12/2016 17:44

Tips should be shared out.
If your DD was washing pots in the back, she would never see a tip otherwise, and they are working hard too.

Honestly, yes she is legally entitled to a half hour unpaid break. This will leave 5.5 hours pay. She won't get a break working 4.5 hours. I think the most likely outcome will be a shorter shift given to her instead, as its really hard to schedule breaks in this industry. She will have to decide if this is what she would prefer.

I do think most 16 year olds should be able to work 6 hours with no break. At 16 (less than a decade ago) I worked in a shop part time, around my a levels. I also worked weddings, doing 10-12 hour shifts, mostly with the odd fag break.

The problem with taking the breaks entitled to (in this industry at the lowest level) is that you are so replaceable.

I think shop work would suit your daughter better - there tends to be set lunches, and the shifts are much shorter.

Also - don't ring!!! Just be an ear to listen :)

Reality16 · 19/12/2016 17:51

God no don't contact her work. Get her to raise the question regarding breaks herself. Life skills.

mikeyssister · 19/12/2016 17:56

I will admit I've made the assumption that her parents didn't supply her with the alcohol so either she bought it herself or someone bought it for her which I believe is against the law.

I think if we teach children it's okay to break the law then we can't complain if they start choosing which laws it's ok to break for themselves.

I don't think a 16 year old has the emotional maturity to make wise decisions regarding alcohol. In fact most of the 18 years old I know can't make wise decisions either but at least they're not breaking the law.

I also have the totally unscientific view that at 16 a child is still growing and developing and that alcohol is not in their physical best interest. I'm also aware that our brains continue to grow and develop until we're 25.

I said at the time it was totally off the point, but OP poster said her DD was upset and it could in part be down to the hangover which I think proves my point.

GraceGrape · 19/12/2016 18:00

It is depressing the number of people on here that don't think labour laws should be adhered to "because it's busy at Christmas". I am beginning to worry that those members of the government who have started to make noises about "deregulation" of workers rights are not going to face much opposition.

However, in relation to the OP's problem, probably best not to phone on her behalf but find a way to help her assert herself in a polite and reasonable way, maybe by rehearsing at home what she is going to say.

1horatio · 19/12/2016 18:04

sister

Ah, makes sense.

True. Going to work hungover is shitty,.

If I had been hungover for training I would have been made to train until I vomited (which... uhm, obviously never happened🙊)

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 19/12/2016 18:59

It's not lucky they've never drunk mickey. What do you think is going to happen to a 16 year old who has a few drinks? fun

They need to build up a bit of resistance for their future 💪🏻

mikeyssister · 19/12/2016 19:19

Don't agree Wolver.

1horatio · 19/12/2016 19:23

sister

Well, growing up with an Italian grandmother (not in the U.K.) it was normal for us to drink some wine when having supper.

And when it was time to party we (my cousins and I) at least knew how to handle our alcohol and weren't the kids passing out/getting into trouble/alcohol poisoning etc.

So, having a 0 alcohol policy for teens isn't necessarily the way to go, imo.

mikeyssister · 19/12/2016 19:27

But if you read my comments I wasn't talking about zero tolerance. I was talking about a responsible attitude to drinking. Which I don't think having a hangover at 16 shows.

Anyway back to OP problem.

1horatio · 19/12/2016 19:31

The OP could just make sure her daughter trains in a sport and has a hardness trainer. She wouldn't be hungover anymore...

But yes, back to the OP's problem.