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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it tight or not? Baby shower related

61 replies

oohlalala · 18/12/2016 23:56

Mid arranging a baby shower for my bf, a suprise one. She was a bit anti the idea when we discussed a while ago, but I spoke to her DH and we both agreed that secretly we thought she would love it.

Because of the apprehension, I'm guessing shes a bit embarrassed about the whole gifting business being a true brit! So have suggested to friends that they just bring a book, new or old that they love for her, then gift once baby is born whatever they want. Is this tight? Would you be dissapointed if you had a shower with just books? I was thinking its sort of like opening your presents before Christmas if you get all your gifts pre-baby?

OP posts:
GravyAndShite · 18/12/2016 23:58

You need a lot of things ready pre-baby though.

GravyAndShite · 18/12/2016 23:59

I wouldn't be disappointed but I don't like bs myself.

AppleMagic · 19/12/2016 00:00

I'd be a bit disappointed if I'd said I didn't want a shower and my bed and dp decided to do it anyway.

The book thing sounds nice though, can't you just call it a party?

haveacupoftea · 19/12/2016 00:01

There's no point getting baby things after the baby is born, everything she wants/needs will have already been bought by her. So kind of defeats the point of a baby shower.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 19/12/2016 00:02

It's a nice thought but as someone who recently had a baby I have to say they probably won't get read for a very long time. I think normal baby shower gifts would be better

QueenLizIII · 19/12/2016 00:03

Its probably the party bit that puts her off.

if I was given a load of old books at a baby shower I didnt want in the first place Id be thinking more shit to get rid of just when I am dealing with late pregnancy/ new baby.

HerRoyalNotness · 19/12/2016 00:03

Yes I like the book idea, - friend had this at theirs, start a library for baby. I don't like baby showers at all, but would be happy with that theme.

Original poster
oohlalala · 19/12/2016 00:04

Was thinking of it being more of a final get together with the girls before life changes dramatically rather than a big gifting session 🙈

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 19/12/2016 00:05

I went to one where we all took our favourite children's book for the mother-to-be, with a message in the front cover. She loved it.

QueenLizIII · 19/12/2016 00:06

just take her for afternoon tea. no presents.

AddToBasket · 19/12/2016 00:07

Children's books - yes
Adults books - mmm, no

Original poster
oohlalala · 19/12/2016 00:07

Well a few of you seem to like it so am hopeful!

OP posts:
Original poster
oohlalala · 19/12/2016 00:08

I did mean childrens books, forgot to say

OP posts:
Kittykatmacbill · 19/12/2016 00:09

If she says she doesn't want a shower, she may just not want a shower. I know I would be have been utterly horrified by one for either of pregnancy. Are you sure she will be okay with it?

Re your book idea. Books you think she and baby can enjoy together is sweet, novels for her to read in all spare time she is totally going to have waaaay less so.

Notcontent · 19/12/2016 00:10

I think children's books would work...

Original poster
oohlalala · 19/12/2016 00:14

Yep am pretty confident she will be happy (have known her a long time & shes my bf) just thinking she would worry about appearing grabby with the whole gifting side to a shower which I know is daft

OP posts:
ExtraPineappleExtraHam · 19/12/2016 00:16

I don't like the baby shower thing because
1.) watching people open presents is really boring
2.)you have to pretend to like their presents in front of the giver
3.) it seems unBritish
4.) People feel compelled to bring a present
5.) Gifts get compared to other gifts.

However after having two children I get completely why people have them. I bought everything for my first child because I didn't know if and what people would buy. She ended up with 45 newborn baby grows, countless blankets and loads of crap you never use. I would have rather had all the stuff before so I could have just bought what I needed. If she likes the children's book theme then maybe incorporate that into the decor or theme of the shower. Just think about whether she would like to be centre of attention.

Ellypoo · 19/12/2016 00:16

I love this idea - hate the baby shower thing, and only buy presents once the baby is here safely. Friends will normally only lend/gift used essential items if offered/asked but then also give a present once the baby is safely here.

Daisyfrumps · 19/12/2016 00:17

Don't call it a baby shower, just do a posh afternoon tea and people can bring some cash for putting towards what she'll need for the baby.

Original poster
oohlalala · 19/12/2016 00:20

I have 2 DC myself so understand what people are saying. From my experience of showers in the past, I've always taken a gift along, then felt really awkward when visitinh new baby as don't want to go empty handed, so end up buying an additional gift, my issue I know!

OP posts:
1horatio · 19/12/2016 00:23

The books are great.

Just invite people for a small party? I don't 'get' baby showers, tbh.

Don't you bring the gift after the baby is born? So, a baby shower would simply lead to twice the amount of gifts?

Anyhow, I really like the book idea. That's great! I kind of wish we had thought of that!

HaggisMuncher · 19/12/2016 00:24

I felt similarly to your friend, not at happy with the grabby aspect of a bs but wanting to get the chance to spend a lovely afternoon with friends before that got considerably more complicated. I think the book idea is very sweet, especially if it's one's she can share with the little one. Why not call your get together by another name so it's not about gifts, but about spending a lovely day with a friend and making a fuss of her?

haveacupoftea · 19/12/2016 00:28

Well if you dont want it to be a gifting session then it isn't a baby shower. This works well for you as she doesnt actually want a baby shower. So just call it what it is, a get together before baby is due. Surely that is much more appealing and clear to everyone involved?

Original poster
oohlalala · 19/12/2016 00:30

Right ladies, I think I need to rebrand this event! Thanks for your input 😊

OP posts:
DurdleDurdle · 19/12/2016 00:51

I'd just have a get together with no gifts. People can then buy them when the baby is born if they want. I wouldn't ask for books. I wouldn't want to buy a book as I like buying baby blankets as gifts.

Having someone organise a get together is ok but organising a baby shower is a bit much.

I didn't want any gifts for my DC until after they were born. I think a lot of people think the same.

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