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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it tight or not? Baby shower related

61 replies

oohlalala · 18/12/2016 23:56

Mid arranging a baby shower for my bf, a suprise one. She was a bit anti the idea when we discussed a while ago, but I spoke to her DH and we both agreed that secretly we thought she would love it.

Because of the apprehension, I'm guessing shes a bit embarrassed about the whole gifting business being a true brit! So have suggested to friends that they just bring a book, new or old that they love for her, then gift once baby is born whatever they want. Is this tight? Would you be dissapointed if you had a shower with just books? I was thinking its sort of like opening your presents before Christmas if you get all your gifts pre-baby?

OP posts:

LeopardIsTheNewBlack · 19/12/2016 01:08

I live in the US where baby showers are the norm . It's a nice way to get together before the baby's birth. I'm currently 7 months pregnant, and would be very upset if I said I didn't want a shower and my bf went ahead anyhow. I would like a ladies lunch with a small group of friends, cards or small gifts (nappies!) would be fine. I would be horrified being showered with books though , not what you want to deal with and not very useful!

M00nUnit · 19/12/2016 01:48

I've organised a couple of baby showers and each time I've told the invitees beforehand that the mum2B isn't expecting to "showered" with gifts but just wants a get-together with her friends before the baby arrives. Some people brought gifts anyway but others didn't as they were planning to give a gift once the baby was born.

Original poster

oohlalala · 19/12/2016 06:54

I'm a bit baffled at people saying books aren't useful? Do you not expect to read to your babies? I always have. A well written childs book is worth its weight in gold! I especially love a funny book and look forward to reading them over some of the drivel there is out there. The idea is that you end up with a good selection they'll both enjoy.

OP posts:

Oysterbabe · 19/12/2016 07:29

I would have loved the books. DD has her first birthday coming up and I've said books to everyone who has asked me what they should buy her. I went to a baby shower recently and the mum to be got a lot of pampering stuff for her which I think she appreciated.
Most people have all the baby things they need by baby shower stage.

Pickanameanyoldname · 19/12/2016 07:37

So your best friend is openly anti-baby shower, but you and her husband have decided that you know her better than she knows herself.

Good luck with that.

BertieBotts · 19/12/2016 07:38

I would like books but as a guest I would resent being expected to get two presents and also being told what one of them should be. So as the mum to be I would feel awkward if I realised that the guests had specifically been asked.

Children's books can be expensive (I realise they can also be bought cheaply, but when you're looking for a specific one) and while I sometimes buy books as a new baby present I'm much more likely to get them for a toddler's birthday.

BertieBotts · 19/12/2016 07:39

BTW - where I am there is a good mix of Americans and Brits and while baby showers are the norm, people tend to get one gift. Either given at the shower or after the baby is born. Not both.

Artandco · 19/12/2016 07:41

I think a casual afternoon tea type thing is ok. No games.

Children's books a good idea as I would have hated others buying baby stuff as wanted to choose myself. Books always needs to read to child. Also can be bought for very cheap so I wouldn't feel the pressure that others had spent loads

londonrach · 19/12/2016 07:43

Can you do it after the baby is born, sorry this whole baby shower thing is tempting fate. I refuse to buy anything for a baby until its born as each time i have the babys born sleeping. (Twice different people). Mind you a book would worry me. Less. Agree with haveacup just call it a get together rather than a baby shower x

stella23 · 19/12/2016 07:46

Sorry. But I think it's a terrible idea, she will need to get things for the baby so friends might aswell buy them in advance so she may as well know what she's getting.

You also said you think she would secretly like a shower.

lovelearning · 19/12/2016 07:55

A well written childs book is worth its weight in gold!

Baby Book Shower?

Brilliant idea!

MusterTheRohirim · 19/12/2016 07:55

Yep, just stop calling it a baby shower and say X's pre-baby get together and you've solved your problem.

SuburbanRhonda · 19/12/2016 07:55

If you know her as well as you claim you do, why would you over-rule her clearly stated wishes and go ahead with an event because YOU think it's the right thing to do?

Listen to your friend. She has said no thanks. Don't plough on regardless because you think you know her own thoughts better than she does.

dailyshite · 19/12/2016 07:56

Are you sure she will like it? I can't think of anything worse than being the centre of attention.

dailyshite · 19/12/2016 07:56

Well, I can - but I would hate having a baby shower.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 19/12/2016 07:57

I don't think I'd dictate what people should bring at all. The book idea is lovely but I prefer to buy a posh pregnancy gift for the mother at baby showers

honeylulu · 19/12/2016 07:57

My friend had a baby shower what're everyone was asked to gift a favourite book from childhood. She ended up with four copies of the hungry caterpillar. It's a good book but ... just saying.
I said I didn't want a baby shower with my youngest by my friends organised it as a surprise and I loved it. I would have felt grabby and a bit naff to have said I wanted one though.

Pickanameanyoldname · 19/12/2016 07:58

Ah yes, a baby shower not called a baby shower where everyone brings a gift - she'll never see through that.

Fwiw if you're determined to press ahead against her wishes, I think books is a shit idea.

At least get her Mothercare vouchers or something that she can actually use, that won't get shoved in a cupboard and forgotten about for years.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 19/12/2016 07:59

OP is right about the books though to be fair- you can just grab dear zoo for a fiver. Cheaper than buying her a drink. I don't think the books are anything to make a song and dance about

Motherfuckers · 19/12/2016 08:05

It sounds a bit shit, like all baby showers. Are you in the UK? If so just don't do it... Go for a night out/lunch/pub/festival or anything else you normally do as a group of friends.

Bettyspants · 19/12/2016 08:14

I don't like the idea of baby showers and would have been incredibly embarrassed. I think a get together asking friends to bring a copy of their child's favourite book from any age with a message inside is lovely. I'd treasure something so thoughtful and wish I'd thought of it for a close friend

Bettyspants · 19/12/2016 08:18

Re the anti book comments it really depends on the type of person you are. Op knows her friend and thinks she would love them, I love my children having shelves of books . Just tell her it's a get together perhaps even a pub lunch then the books can be a lovely surprise without feeling grabby or plied with a load of duplicate baby tat!

SloeGinandTonic · 19/12/2016 08:20

If she doesn't want a shower then don't do one. Personally -and I know others don't agree- I think that they are tasteless imported american crap to make us all waste more money.

I would be really pissed off if someone arranged one for me.

lovelearning · 19/12/2016 08:28

I don't like the idea of baby showers

The "baby shower" is an innate part of many cultures, for very good reason. It gives both practical and moral support to the expectant mother.

She ended up with four copies of the hungry caterpillar.

To avoid such outcomes, create a Baby Shower Gift List.

TheDuckSaysMoo · 19/12/2016 08:29

Definite rebound required - a get together with friends, no gifts, no more focus on pregnant friend than on any other attendee. Oh, and just the friends you and she would normally go out with..

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