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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be bored to death of 'babies' and kids?

88 replies

Skylett81 · 18/12/2016 21:13

I'm mid 30s and my kids are both teens now. I have no interest in babies or "toddler talk" and to be honest, never really have. Even when mine were little I didn't feel the need to discuss them constantly.
Unfortunately it seems that I just can't get away from babies or toddler talk. A few weeks ago a friend and I were planning a meet up (few drinks in a bar) and she suggested we meet another friend. This other friend is Muslim so won't go in a pub so we said "fine, coffee shop would be great". Then however this other friend said that as we were meeting in a coffee shop she may as well bring her DD (who is around 15 months old). First friend then decided that if that was the case, she may as well bring her DD (roughly same age). This meet has now turned into a quick meet in coffee shop and then on to the nearby park. Now I don't want to go! It's bad enough listening to them talk babies continuously through the working day, I can't be doing with it out if work too. I was looking forward to getting together with friends, not a toddler class.

Similar thing happened last week at work. We organised a Christmas buffet for lunch time. One colleague said she was off that day but would come in if she could bring her DS (3). Cue ... many more colleagues deciding they would bring their kids so in the end the Christmas buffet resembled a bleeding kids Christmas party with toddlers fingering the good, screeching, whining etc etc - I ended up hiding away in the office and catching up with paper work.

Latest episode - we have started to plan a get together over Christmas. Idea was that it would be adults, wine and 'nibbles' however, due to family interference it has now turned into a kids Christmas party which I'm expected to organise as all anyone is interested in is bringing kids and making sure they're entertained!!

AIBU to wish I could find some like minded souls that are not obsessed with kids and babies?? The only release I get is my martial arts class which is 99% men - none of who chat babies!!

OP posts:

happy2bhomely · 18/12/2016 23:21

Youhadmeatcake God yes, a hundred times yes! I get that so much. The number of people I know making a fucking meal out of getting 2 kids out of the house etc and talking to me like I wouldn't get it because mine are older. I was doing that at 20 while they were still at home with their parents.

I once snapped at my sil, who was moaning (again) about how hard it was shopping with her 1dc, that I had a fair idea what it entailed because I had 5dc by the time I was 30, that I looked after on a daily basis much like most parents!

Also I have lost track of the number of people who, when I tell them I have 5, say, 'Oh wow, 5. Well I suppose they all just kind of look after each other.' Yeah, I just pop them out and tell them to all chip in

smegsmeg · 18/12/2016 23:24

Mindrope what's so wow about that?

GabsAlot · 18/12/2016 23:30

ye op its tedious

where do u work that allows kids come to the xmas do?

QueenLizIII · 18/12/2016 23:35

Why wont your friend go to a pub?

I have many Muslim friends who go to pubs and bars but they just dont drink alcohol.

Bizarre.

PickAChew · 18/12/2016 23:39

Because many Muslims won't go to a venue where alcohol is served, even if they don't parktake, themselves.

QueenLizIII · 18/12/2016 23:40

Ive just never come across it. Quitea high proportion of my colleagues have been Muslim.

Does that mean they wont go to any restaurants either? Or the work Christmas party she spoke of?

PickAChew · 18/12/2016 23:42

Yes. They don't. Not all, obviously, but some really avoid everywhere (which would include John Lewis Place to Eat)

SantasJockstrap · 18/12/2016 23:42

No OP, YANBU

Some women become parents and literally forget how to be anything else other than a mother. ALL they want to talk about is their child

I run a MILE from baby and toddler talk. I hate it, it is dull and repetitive and I really don't care if little Tarquin can sleep through the night.
Really. Don't. Care.

coldcanary · 18/12/2016 23:43

I have 3 of my own (late 30's, oldest is 16 years old) and am a childminder so I spend my days surrounded by small people - my time for going out with friends is strictly for adults with no children around unless someone gets let down by the babysitter!
Fortunately my friends with children are of the same mind and we rarely talk about our kids when we're out on the piss
Hell, me and DH hardly ever talk about our own kids when we're out together!

haveacupoftea · 18/12/2016 23:50

My friend babies her 11 year old DS and sometimes brings him when we all meet for coffee. He's a lovely kid and i'd do anything for them both, but it does change the dynamics quite a lot. But this is what happens when people have kids, their life becomes all about the kids and I guess thats a good thing.

user1471446433 · 18/12/2016 23:58

My parents& their friends used to exchange invitations with NFK written in the corner. No fucking kids maybe start a similar code?

pregnantat50 · 19/12/2016 00:06

YANBU to want a child free night out or office party. Even though when I was in my mid 30s I had a 5 year old, 7 year old and 11 year old. I still enjoyed nights being me and not having to be on mummy duty.

HeddaGarbled · 19/12/2016 00:07

Why have you put 'babies' in quotation marks? Do you suspect your friends are sneaking older children into social occasions under the guise of them being babies. Or don't you believe that babies exist?

I think you are being unreasonable. I suspect that baby/child stuff is discussed at work sometimes not "continuously through the working day".

Women with young children are not obsessed with their children. Many are desperate for adult company and intelligent conversation but don't have the opportunity because of lack of childcare etc. Of course the men in your martial arts class are able to focus on themselves and what they are interested in because they have some poor drudge at home doing all the childcare while they swan off and enjoy your intellectual conversation without interruption.

Maybe you could encourage all these interesting men to stay home and look after the children so their partners could rediscover their pre baby selves.

YouHadMeAtCake · 19/12/2016 00:14

happy2b glad to hear it from someone else! Omg to the they must look after each other! How rude!

kali110 · 19/12/2016 02:40

Don't know why you've gotten sarcy replies op, i completely understand where you're coming from!
You arrange a few meet ups just for adults only and suddenly it goes from a fun pub visit, to a play date in the park!
( and the work party just sounded awful!)
Then you organise a fun night in wirh a few drinks at your own house and suddenly you end up having to sort out entertainment for kids.
It just changes the whole dynamic.
Most people would feel fed up.
If you're arranging fun nights out for drinks either at the pub or at a friends house and it suddenly turns into a play date with friends kids most people would feel a little annoyed.
You need to say that this night in is adults only.
You want a night in with your friends or family just for a catch up, there's nothing wrong with that!
Some people wouldn't relax with a few drinks if they had their child with them anyway. You don't want this kind of party so don't feel pressured into having it.

Don't understand the shock at havinga teen and being in their 30's?
Maybe they were in their early 20's?
Or maybe they were 16 or 18?
What doss it matter?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 19/12/2016 02:55

Yanbu, adult only time is a necessity.

FixItUpChappie · 19/12/2016 04:38

Meh, while I wouldn't bring my kids to an office do, I'd think you hard work if you only wanted to see me without them and would see you a lot less TBH.

horses for courses - I really enjoy it when other parents talk about their kids. that's not so hard to understand is it? Enjoying discussion on a central aspect of ones life?

Shadowboy · 19/12/2016 04:45

I have a toddler and a baby (and am in mid 30s) but hate talking about babies too! It's why I stopped going to the NCT group meet ups. I prefer to chat about other things when I finally get some time away with adults.

Mellowmarsh · 19/12/2016 05:24

I have a baby and a toddler but I think it is pretty rude if a social event is organised for adults and then people start saying, 'oh I'll just bring my kids'. I 'd be pretty pissed off if one of my rare opportunities for adult only tme was sabotaged in this way.

NiceFalafels · 19/12/2016 05:29

Unless you firmly say it's an adults only drink, I don't think you can complain. Maybe you could have emailed an invite out to yours and mentioning you'd quite like it to be child free this time. You're clearly on the next stage but they're not.

waitingforsomething · 19/12/2016 05:36

You'll have to find new friends. Mid-30s is normal baby having age now! Maybe older friends

Mellowmarsh · 19/12/2016 06:04

Oh for goodness sake, falafel of course it is not OP's fault for failing to say the DRINKS IN THE PUB are adult only!

RebelandaStunner · 19/12/2016 08:38

The family party sounds ok but definitely stick to nibbles.
The other events sound like an invasion. Around 15 month was my least favourite age- the most whiny, demanding, wouldn't play for longer than 2 minutes, clingy, shouty etc. No way would I have inflicted mine at that age on cafe goers or people without dc expecting a nice child free chat. I would have declined or left them with DH/ DM for an hour.

dementedma · 19/12/2016 08:51

Another one here who is irritated being around other people's babies and toddlers. Didn't find my own that enthralling either. Now they are grown up its bliss but people keep making comments about me looking forward to being g a grandmother. WTF! No way. I've only just got my life back. Have told both DDS I would be happy for them if they got pregnant ( I wouldn't) but don't expect me to be on granny duty.

ZouBisou · 19/12/2016 08:52

YANBU. We had quite a lot of friends and their children round yesterday for a little party, but I think it's the last time we will ever host a party like that. Nearly everyone had a child (or two) under the age of 3 and the noise and chaos and total child focus was not enjoyable for (childless) me. All these people are friends we used to socialise with a lot, but have all had kids over last few years so we don't see each other much. Thought it would be lovely to get everyone together again, but wow, I had underestimated how much having so many young children there would totally change the dynamic we all used to have...

Maybe it makes me a selfish person but it just isn't pleasurable for me to socialise with people with very young children like that. It changes everything.

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