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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel sad my baby prefers her dad?

27 replies

Seagreen25 · 18/12/2016 20:27

My daughter is a year old and I've recently gone back to work 3 days a week. In the last 6 weeks she has gone from being happy with both of us to only wanting to be with her dad, to the point she'll cry and leap out of my arms if her dad is around. I know I shouldn't let it bother me but it does make me sad. AIBU to feel a little jealous and hope it's a phase?

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 18/12/2016 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

corythatwas · 18/12/2016 20:34

It is a phase. They go through them. But the more relaxed you can be about it, the quicker it will pass.

Mammylamb · 18/12/2016 20:35

We had the same issue for a while (joint mat leave) and my son preferred my husband. But it was just a phase, and he is back to being a mammy's boy. So I can totally understand why you are upset, but it will pass. Going back to work is shitty. So have some Flowers

dingdongthewitchishere · 18/12/2016 20:37

It really is only a phase. Next she will prefer you, then she will cry for her dad when she's with you, and will cry for you when she is with her dad (even within the same house).

Of course you are not BU to feel a bit sad, but it won't last. Flowers

MrsJayy · 18/12/2016 20:38

It is normal baby/toddler behaviour honestly don't be upset about.

Original poster
Seagreen25 · 18/12/2016 20:39

Thank you everyone, you've made a tearful wreck feel a lot better. Honestly sometimes I dread the days off where we are all together as she wants nothing to do with me. I will reassure myself that it's a phase and will pass.

OP posts:
Tarla · 18/12/2016 20:40

Definitely just a phase, you'll find that she'll soon switch and Dad will be on the shit list while she only wants to be with you. Just as your feeling like a parenting rock star, she'll switch again and be all for him.

Then when they get a bit older they'll switch their parental preference on an almost hourly basis depending on which parent has pissed them off for whatever reason Grin

Tarla · 18/12/2016 20:42

Youngest DC cycles from not wanting anything to do with me at all, right the way through to the opposite experience of tearfully begging to come and watch me poop.

Pallisers · 18/12/2016 20:42

It's a phase. They all go through it. I remember being devastated with my son (first one). By the third I was praying for the day she'd prefer dad and want nothing to do with me :).

MrsJayy · 18/12/2016 20:44

1 of mine was daddy daft i may as well have been invisible she would sit outside the toilet door and shout DadaDADAGrin

fiorentina · 18/12/2016 20:46

It's a phase that my daughter went through. She does still prefer daddy in the middle of the night, which I don't really mind!! Grin

LuluJakey1 · 18/12/2016 20:48

It's totally normal. DS adores DH and beams at him even if he is in the middle of crying. Last night he sat with DH on the sofa and when I said 'Can mummy have a cuddle?' he said 'No' and cuddled up to DH!
I have learned to ignore it because when DH is at work, I am the bees knees. I bet you are too when it is just you and her.

Original poster
Seagreen25 · 18/12/2016 20:58

Thank you everyone! I feel lots better. I was starting to obsess that I was a bad Mum and she hated me... sounds silly when I write it down particularly as we have so much fun together when it's just us. I just find the rejection really hard but that's my problem. So good to know I'm not the only one, I seem to be surrounded by babies that only want their mums. I should be happy my partner is such a great dad, but sometimes I wish he was slightly less fun!

OP posts:
PoptartPoptart · 18/12/2016 21:09

It's a phase, just as others have said. Don't be upset and instead make the most of having a bit of time to yourself here and there, have a nice long bath, nap, read a book etc.

Philoslothy · 18/12/2016 21:14

It is a phase, mine have all had favourite parent phases -.my teenagers still do it Grin

corythatwas · 19/12/2016 07:27

It's to toughen you up for when they reach the teenage phase and start expressing their preferences in scathing and well measured terms Grin

But they grow out of that, too. As I said on another thread yesterday, I was listening to ds (16) speaking to his dad and amazed at the respectful and almost humble way in which he solicited his opinion. Three years ago, his dad knew nothing. And a year before that, I was an evil bully who kept his dad permanently under my thumb.

Original poster
Seagreen25 · 19/12/2016 07:51

Something to look forward to eh! corythatwas I'm definitely going to have to get thicker skin....

OP posts:
Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 19/12/2016 08:42

As bad as it sounds, try to enjoy it while you can. It's exhausting being the only one accepted to come into the room in the morning, do the showers, give kisses for bumps, unzip a suit, read a book, do bedtimes and on and on.

DS is going through a dad phase suddenly and as much as I adore him it's such a relief to not be the favourite right now.

Areyoufree · 19/12/2016 08:45

I went back to work this year, and my son went from being attached to me constantly, to wanting his Dad all the time. It hurts, although I quite like it when he needs his bum changed and insists "Daddy do it!". Mind you, he was ill recently and only wanted me, so deep down I know he still needs me!

CauliflowerSqueeze · 19/12/2016 08:48

When push comes to shove your baby wants YOU.

Jellybean83 · 19/12/2016 09:05

It's horrible isn't it?! From the age of 2 up to the age of 4 DS much preferred DP. It was like he just didn't want to be around me at all, we once went on holiday with my mum and even she commented on it, I genuinely thought he didn't like me. He's 7 now and has totally grown out of it, we have a normal loving relationship now. She will grow out of it.

amusedbush · 19/12/2016 09:06

My mum says that she could have left me with a total stranger and I wouldn't have glanced up but if my dad even looked like he was thinking of moving, I'd be demanding to go with him.

I promise I like them both equally now! Grin

WerewolvesNotSwearwolves · 19/12/2016 09:18

Same here OP! My DS is also 18 months. DP thinks I'm a wally and that things wil change but it doesn't always feel like that, does it? Have a Wine in you-ungrateful-beast-I-carried-you-for-9-months-and-this-is-the-thanks-I-get solidarity. It's Christmas. We're allowed.

Original poster
Seagreen25 · 19/12/2016 09:27

Haha thanks all. werewolves I regularly I inform her she ruined my bladder for life and should love me most for that reason if nothing else but she doesn't care!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 19/12/2016 09:29

I loved that phase me, bathroom in absolute peace. Can't beat it Grin