Aibu to be angry/upset (xmas gift problem)

[ShineySquirell]

Excuse if I rant a bit but this has really riled me.
It's probably gonna sound really trivial so some and also ungrateful which I am definitely not but I feel like they've really over stepped the mark here.

Basically back at the beginning of November I bought my daughter who's 3 a new doll one of the baby born ones that wee,poo cry ect etc this is her main present from myself and her dad even tho he had no bloody input into it and even tho I showed him what I bought and wrapped it right in front of him he conveniently forgot I had bought it.

So cue a just over a week ago my dh came home from work (he works with his dad) saying that today his dad has decided to get my dd a new dolls pram for xmas which I thought was great as she could use it with her new doll,but then dh added that fil is also on about getting her a doll to go with it aswell, I was not happy as I felt like why does she need 2 new dolls and also I don't want the doll fil gets to outshine the one I bought.

I thought I had made it clear to dh but today we met with fil and he has gone ahead and bought her a doll and then he went on to say oh it's a good one it wees and poos and everything !
I'm ashamed to say I lost it at dh i can't believe after what I said fil has still gone and bought it. Aibu to be upset and angry about this?

I don't think you are BU

It would annoy me too

My inlaws took my ds - then aged 8 months - to see Santa for the first time without asking me or checking. Of course ds doesn't remember but seriously - who does that?! And dh didn't back me up.

Why does fil need to get all this stuff if not to try and outshine you? Everyone saying it's about your dd is right but what are fil's motives? A three year old will know it's the same toy, my ds at that age would have been quite bemused actually. Why get the same thing that you are getting when there's lots he could have chosen and he's already got the pram? It's unnecessary and I can't see any reason for it other than to annoy you.

Anyway that's just my opinion but then I come from a background of inlaws who try and undermine me and treat the children are their own so i can understand how annoying it is.

Following your update YANBU . Funnily enough i bet you would've got different replies if it was MIL instead of FIL. However,no matter how controlling,big spender, OTT and whatever else he is, you have an OH problem,not a FIL problem. Your OH DOESN't listen,messes up and then he doesn't listen a bit more,just ignores your opinion and dismisses your feelings instead of trying to sort things out,or at least to make you feel supported. And that's the real issues you have,not that DD will get 2 dolls the same.

Just be blunt, we don't want our kids to be too materialistic and have too much. We don't her to have he same doll we are giving her. If you give it we will pass it on to a needy child. I'd also say to FIL"you are undermining me. Please stop. It is spoiling Christmas for me."

I am glad I could understand where you are coming from . I also agree with you about the size of the gifts your fil is giving and the materialism there and him 'out doing' you. A few years ago, pre-kids, my partner and I had a relatively large disposable income. We weren't rich but had no problem affording a few luxuries. A member of my family was struggling financially at the same time and I was careful to discuss gifts for the children in that part of the family with the person in question (I would anyway). I wanted to get nice gifts that my income allowed for but also didn't want to be the cause if the children discarding presents their parents had thoughtfully chosen and scrimped and saved for. Surely that's normal??

I hope you find a solution.

Will aFIL be there to see her open the doll? If not just whisk it away and return it for refund (hopefully you still have your receipt?)
Good luck

Yes he will be there we always go over to his for present giving etc
Dh did suggest taking it back but after he had given it to her which makes no bloody sense to me he hasn't even picked the doll up yet so I don't see the problem with exchanging it, he's just being awkward I think

So you getting adoration form your DD is more important than your DD having nice gifts? YABU FFS

Your DD will enjoy looking after 2 babies.

It's not that at all yello I know that's how it's come across but it's that he's going into town today and buying a gift that he knows she already has/is getting, I don't understand why anyone would do that?

My daughter has 4 or 5 nice dolls, she plays with them all. You sound like your just stressed and have overacted a little hun. Understandable this time of year x

Hello that is a rather mean thing to say and suggests you have not really thought about the way the OP's FIL is Vega ing in a rather manipulative way.

It is not Donny across Shiny that you want your dd to Gove you adoration. Rather that you are a normal mum and your response to this nonsense from FIL is normal.

Yello not Hello!

Behaving not Vega!

YANBU in my opinion but that is because I have a manipulative MIL so I understand it isn't really about the doll but about the situation.

For 5 years until we moved away she would buy DS1 the same toys I had bought (or a similar toy) or if I dared mention I had been looking at something she would buy it first. It spoilt my enjoyment of buying anything for him and seeing his excitement. This wasn't just for Christmas or birthdays either, it was constant.

I would ask you FIL to change the doll.

AugustRose that sound terrible.