To be cross about charity gifts for children

[woundedplacerias]

Both dc received Oxfam school equipment cards from stbx's mother last week. I was a little irritated as they already get these every year from his dad (ex's parents are divorced but still in touch and spend Christmas/Boxing Day together with ex and the dc) and I think children aged 7 & 9 don't need two sets of these - one is enough to make the point, if one really wants to use buying one's grandchildren a Christmas gift as an opportunity for making a point.

However, today has really taken the piss. In the post ds1 received his usual membership of our local cricket club (big club) and another bloody Oxfam thing came for ds2. Yesterday, yet another fucking Oxfam thing had come but I wasn't in to take delivery (it was in a box) so we had to go to the sorting office to collect it today. It was in a box because it came with a small packet of chocolate and it was for ds1. So he has membership to a prestigious cricket club and some chocolate, while ds2 has a card telling him about a charity project.

I am very pissed off about this. I think it's a rubbish and inefficient way to donate to charity (the amount of paper I have received is ridiculous) and no child needs two of these wretched things. If ex's family think they are so great, why have them delivered to my house so that I have to do all the explaining, when I actually think they're not that great an idea. Not to mention the inequality between my two sons - and ex has form for favouring ds1 due to his love of sport which ex shares. I know he and his family love ds2, but it's ds1 who gets all the attention as he just seems to be a better fit for them.

AIBU to not want anymore of this stuff delivered to my house, and to consider them bloody mean?

Well at least now you know what to buy for your in-laws for birthdays and Christmas OP.

My late MIL used to sponsor donkeys for our kids. We got all the usual photos leaflets etc, the kids were totally uninterested but the most annoying part was she told them they could visit their donkeys. 200 miles away, did we ever bother driving 200 miles to visit a donkey? No we didn't.

I don't imagine many children would be thrilled with a remote donkey. Something cute that lives at the zoo down the road is fine, if the child wants it.

A remote donkey?

I don't think my kids would have been interested in something cute at the zoo but a donkey 200 miles away definitely didn't impress them. They weren't demanding kids and MIL bought them too much anyway but I couldn't understand why she thought the donkey was a good idea. One of her things was the donkeys were ridden by disabled children, lovely for them and nice for her to support that, and that my kids would love to do the 200 mile trip, well 400 miles as they would hopefully come home again, to see other children riding "their" donkey. I mean can any 2 or 3 year old understand why that is a present for them?

I like charity gifts. I found out about them the year my father bought me a flock of chickens. I have chickens of my own and thought it was brilliant. DH says they were eaten but I believe happily that they are laying away even now.

I have bought charity gifts for others (for adults) and they seemed well received. My DS would love to have a flamingo at the local WWT centre but grandparents want to give him toys. He is convinced that although the flamingo lives at the centre it would be his flamingo, possibly with his name on its leg ring. So I don't think charity gifts are completely off for a child if you know they would like it.

Its the inequality in the fits that would upset me... on that one I feel your pain and wish I had suggestions beyond biting your tongue.

That should be "inequality in the gifts"... sorry

I've sponsored a donkey as a christening gift before, for an infant who (1) didn't need anything and (2) was oblivious.

But I agree that it's a pretty tricky present to explain to a toddler who understands a present as a wrapped thing you can open and play with immediately.