Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to think spending Christmas apart is a bit weird....

110 replies

00100001 · 17/12/2016 19:47

... Nothing to do with me, I know

But I'm judgey

I have two friends - they are late 20s and have been together about 4 years.

They have spent every Christmas apart, because neither of them want to be away from their family on the day. So they go their separate ways on about the 23rd and see each other again on the 26th/27th.

Like I say, SFA to do with me, but I find it curious.

AIBU to think they're... odd?

OP posts:

Saracen · 17/12/2016 22:34

Seems like a fine arrangement to me!

SpookyPotato · 17/12/2016 22:36

I think that's normal for younger couples, I think more are close to their parents these days. We did it for the first few years as we loved each of our families Christmases. But it'll change when kids come along I think!

NickyEds · 17/12/2016 22:38

Dp and I did this for many, many years. Nothing sad or weird about it- we saw each other every other day of the year we just didn't want to miss our respective families on Christmas Day. The year ds was born was the first year we spent Christmas day together (we are not separated!).

Screamer1 · 17/12/2016 22:41

Maybe weird but me and boyfriend did that every year till ds arrived (2 years ago). We've been together for 10 years.

We figured that we spent every day with each other. Obviously changed now though.

CrazyCavalierLady · 17/12/2016 22:45

I see no problem and 30 years on I'd love it if DH just dealt with his lot and I could ignore mine

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 17/12/2016 22:50

Me and my husband did this before we were married (so about 5 years).
We always did a 'party for two' on Christmas Eve together with lovely food and Christmas movies (still do, though this year it's a party for three as we've got a newborn), then Christmas morning together to exchange presents and then he'd go to his family and I'd go to mine. We both perffered to spend lunch with our own families, though he would pop in to say hello to my family in the morning and I would spend the evening with his.
Now we spend the day with one family and alternate each year (this will be my very first Christmas dinner with his family and I've been grilling the husband about the expected menu as it seems so strange after 30 years to be having a different Christmas dinner!).
I can see why people prefer to stick with what they know.

AmysTiara · 17/12/2016 22:55

I don't think it's weird. It will change if they have a baby I imagine.

Mammylamb · 17/12/2016 23:13

Not weird. We did this for years (even when we first got married) and had our own wee Christmas dinner later.

Cherrysoup · 17/12/2016 23:16

Did this for a few years at the beginning, but would rather be with my dh than anyone.

mirokarikovo · 18/12/2016 08:57

They just don't see each other as their "family" yet. That's OK. At some point being with each other will become more important than being with their birth families and they will decide what to do then.

Problems come when one person in a couple reaches this point before the other. Then you have one person always "at home" for Christmas with their own parents and siblings, and with their partner there, but never reversing it. The unfairness of that blows up sooner or later.

GoofyTheHero · 18/12/2016 09:31

this will be my very first Christmas dinner with his family and I've been grilling the husband about the expected menu as it seems so strange after 30 years to be having a different Christmas dinner!)

We have a different Christmas dinner menu every year anyway! Last year was goose, this year is venison Wellington. We've never had the same thing twice!

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 18/12/2016 09:32

I know loads of couples who do this but mostly because DH's a police officer and I'm a trainee hcp. One half of most couples we're friendly with is usually working so the other will go home to their parents. Some of them change it when they have kids but lots don't. It makes sense I think, and we'll probably do it at some point - I just think it's a shame the kids don't often get Christmas with both parents. It's one of the things I feel guilty about for ds and it hasn't even happened yet as we've been lucky the last couple of years!

Original poster

00100001 · 18/12/2016 09:35

A lot of you who say it isn't weird are seeing each other on Christmas day though. This couple don't see each other over the three days at all.

OP posts:

fishybits · 18/12/2016 09:40

We did that till we were married and now refuse to go to either sets of parents even with DD. Not doing the whole living out of suitcases and motoring up and down the country thing just to please other people.

chickenowner · 18/12/2016 09:46

We have spent the last 2 Christmasses at home, just the two of us, and have seen our families before or after.

This year I'm going to my family from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day. My DP is seeing his on Christmas Day and Boxing Day.

It's partly due to the fact that we live in the middle of the country, but our families live in opposite directions, one set in the SE, one in the NE. Also to do with practical issues such as DP taking our dog with him to his family, as my family are no-pets in the house. Plus my parents are divorced which means we actually have 3 sets of people to visit, and means that we could never just invite everyone to our house - my parents can't be in the same place even after being divorced for over 20 years!

It works for us for this year, but it's not something we would do every Christmas. It also means I will get 'good daughter points', which I know shouldn't matter at my age, but still does!

Stormwhale · 18/12/2016 09:48

I think it's weird too. It seems like being together is not as important as keeping the family traditions and appeasing her family.

BelafonteRavenclaw · 18/12/2016 09:50

That's sounds like my DB and SIL. Both move out of their home to stay at their parents for the Christmas period. They only live about a mile from my parents. They been together for 10 years and have always done this. Where as DH and I rotate between parents. They are happy with their arrangement that that way neither have to compromise on what they do for the holiday.

dingdongthewitchishere · 18/12/2016 10:00

I don't understand why that is weird when you don't have children.

We did this before the kids, but spent NY'eve together, and took our best beach holiday in January together too. It's not true at all that we didn't see each other as "family".

Rudymentary · 18/12/2016 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lellio · 18/12/2016 10:17

This is the first year we're not spending apart. It's not that we're young or don't see each other as family, it's simple logistics. Both parents live too far away for just to do a split Christmas/boxing day and neither of us see much of our parents due to work/distance so we usually spent Christmas week apart. This year we're having both sides over.

jennielou75 · 18/12/2016 10:19

Me and husband have done it for 20 years! I go and spend a mad Christmas with my large family and he spends it with his mum. As a teacher I get two weeks off and as an IT contractor he gets a few days. Our mums worry but neither are able to travel far and we dont want them to be alone. At the moment this works.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/12/2016 10:22

If there's no family pressure, maybe they just like it better in their family home. Other people's family Christmases are never quite right! I think it's only after kids that you make your own traditions at home.

Family pressure can be a bugger. A dd had a friend at uni who was made very miserable by pressure from both divorced parents to spend his Christmas with them.
He ended up spending it with us, instead 😀so as not to have either of them sulking.

Sara107 · 18/12/2016 10:27

Myself and dh did this for years. We both live away from our families and his mum is othwise on her own.
After we got married he was all set to continue the separate Christmases but I refused. So the first year we stayed at home and invited mil. She never returned the invitation, or gave any hint she would like to come to us again. Then shouted abuse at me one time she was visiting, so, we have since then gone to my family.

somewheresomehow · 18/12/2016 10:31

My DS and his GF have been together for many years and have just moved into a rented house together I told them if you want to have christmas dinner there and come over later or whenever its fine with us but he wants to come home and she wants to go to her parents its no big deal, they are certainly not pulled in either direction to keep either parents happy , as long as it suits all concerned why should it bother anyone else its their choice after all its only one bloody day in 365 of the dam things

puglife15 · 18/12/2016 10:33

We did this until we were engaged so 3/4 years. My family are five hours away, his two hours, in different directions.

We saw each other every day and saw our families rarely. It was one of the few occasions our siblings and parents would be all together, whereas we got to spend the other 360 days of the year together.

Please tell me at what point it becomes weird?

If you've been together 6 weeks? 6 months? A year?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread