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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think spending Christmas apart is a bit weird....

110 replies

00100001 · 17/12/2016 19:47

... Nothing to do with me, I know

But I'm judgey

I have two friends - they are late 20s and have been together about 4 years.

They have spent every Christmas apart, because neither of them want to be away from their family on the day. So they go their separate ways on about the 23rd and see each other again on the 26th/27th.

Like I say, SFA to do with me, but I find it curious.

AIBU to think they're... odd?

OP posts:

BroomstickOfLove · 17/12/2016 20:42

We did that until we had DCs. My family all live abroad, so I always took a decent chunk of holiday for an annual catch up with the relatives. When I worked in retail, we both stayed home together because there wasn't time to visit anyone else.

Bogeyface · 17/12/2016 20:43

I would cheerfully spend this Xmas apart from the cunt I married.

But if you actually like the person you are with, then yes it is weird.

Squiff85 · 17/12/2016 20:43

I find that odd too :)

Underbrella · 17/12/2016 20:44

We did this for 20 yrs until the children came along. Many people thought it odd. Our parents all lived in the same town but didn't like unmarried couples staying over together. I liked family Christmas and respected their views. Now we have children we stay in our own house hundreds of miles away and see little of the family at all.

Hulababy · 17/12/2016 20:45

I'd find it strange too. Infact only this afternoon DD was telling us that one of her teachers says she does this - married, mid to late 20s, no children, though they do meet up for a drink together in the evening, then go back to their respective families. We all thought that was a bit strange.

Once we moved in together we decided to have Christmas at home - initially just the two of us, later with DD. Still do now. We see family, together, on the days before and after.

mummydawn07 · 17/12/2016 20:46

I don't find it weird that they do that, me and my OH used to do the same before we had children

LellyMcKelly · 17/12/2016 20:47

I'd love to do that!

Hulababy · 17/12/2016 20:48

I do wonder if some of it might come from feeling pressure from respective families to be with them for Christmas. in which case it definitely wouldn't be 'cute' or nice really - more a bit sad they feel they can't spend it together and see family in other ways/at other times.

GoofyTheHero · 17/12/2016 20:48

I find it odd, DH and I have spent every Christmas together since meeting. We have fab Christmas' with both sides of our families.

EllaHen · 17/12/2016 20:48

Of course it's not weird. You are describing a couple without children, yes?

A Christmas without in-laws - what's not to like?

yoowhoo · 17/12/2016 20:49

I don't find it weird at all. If children are involved then obviously it's a bit different..but chrustmas is the one time of year where (usually!) Most of the family get together so why should either of them miss out on time with their family? If a couple lives together then they can see each other every other day of the year!

andadietcoke · 17/12/2016 20:49

Nope. We used to do this before we had kids (even when married). My family is a-traditional and I wasn't happy to give that up. He didn't want to give up his big turkey family Christmas.

Bellabelloo · 17/12/2016 20:54

For me Christmas is about family and I spent every Christmas with my family and my OH did the same for 9 years until we got married. I would have felt awful shunning my family for my boyfriend!!! We now take it in turns with each other's families. But I hate it when I have to go to his!!

DinosaursRoar · 17/12/2016 20:54

those who do this, tend to be people who are still seen as 'the children' of the family, even if they are late 20s, they only get to stop when they have children who are now 'the children of the family'.

It is odd to be that old/committed/together and not see your partner as your 'close family'.

switswoo81 · 17/12/2016 20:55

We did it until dd came along. Families 100km apart like in his hometown. Nothing to do with family both of us wanted to go on big drunken nights out with friends that only came home for Christmas...
Now we have a toddler we don't go out on big drunken nights out anymore due to exhaustion and no money so that solved that problem pretty easily...

LotsOfShoes · 17/12/2016 20:56

DH and I did this. We're from different countries, live in the UK, and don't get to see our families often. Traveling between my parents and the in laws takes a whole day so couldn't easily split the time (eg do Christmas day at one house and Boxing Day at another). So for the first 3 years we spent Christmas separately. Now we make other arrangements, for example this year all 6 of us are getting together - but it's expensive and a bit of a faff to organize which is why we didn't do it when we were younger.

CorporalNobbyNobbs · 17/12/2016 20:57

YABU. Couples don't have to do everything together. Perfectly normal in my group until people started having kids.

raviolidreaming · 17/12/2016 20:59

DH and I used to do this in the early days. Saved a lot of hassle with family and we'd have our own Christmas after. It really wasn't an issue.

ohlalalalalalalala · 17/12/2016 21:01

I don't think it's weird.. DH and I done this until before we got married

hotdiggedy · 17/12/2016 21:01

Sounds nice to me. Good to hear that they come from families they still want to spend such times with and are welcome to do so.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 17/12/2016 21:05

I find it odd too. Dh and I did this once (before we were married and before we had children) but it was a complete emergency situation where I had to rush home to my Mum because otherwise my grandmother would have been on her own. Really, adults need to be allowed to go their own way if they so wish! All the bollocks about "coming home for Christmas" is very heart stringy.

I was talking to a friend of mine about this this week. He is affronted that his 27 year old dd is talking about spending Christmas with her dp and his family next year !

CurbsideProphet · 17/12/2016 21:06

We have Christmas dinner apart. Not married yet and no children. It's not ideal, but we both have family responsibilities 30miles apart (ie family member in a nursing home / single parent on their own). We'll do it differently if/ when we get married or have children.

Gallavich · 17/12/2016 21:08

Yabu
For various reasons, our Christmases are still always spent at my parents'. This is partly because they have a huge house in a lovely area, and partly for other reasons. My DB and his wife spent Christmas apart until they got married when they decided to alternate going to respective parents. None of us siblings would spend it at our own homes unless strictly necessary. Christmas will always be a time to congregate all together and that's just how we do it.

sparechange · 17/12/2016 21:10

I have a colleague who spends Christmas Day apart from her husband of 7 years

Neither of them can face not being with their parents so they wake up together at home, then go to their respective parents. They've got 3 DCs, and alternate each year which one of them has them. It's his year this year

I find it totally bizarre but they seem very happy in all other respects

Marmalade85 · 17/12/2016 21:12

Sounds perfect

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