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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand how they can simply assume people are oblivious to what's going on

100 replies

Rocky246 · 17/12/2016 12:48

I'll jump straight in. I'be believed for a while that a friend of mine is committing benefit fraud. She and her partner have three children. They bought a home together, lived in it for a while and then announced they were splitting up for good this time (they were strangely always on and off). He moved out of the house and she remained for a while until she secured a private rented property. This was two years ago. Her partner moved a mere mile away and is living with his grandad and they both continue to live like a couple. There are tons of reasons why it doesn't seem right but I'd be here all day. Basically people in her family and mutual friends of ours have noticed how "friendly" her and her ex still are (I know that's allowed but in this case it's way ott) and they all believe that they are living the way they for convieniencr but also so that they can fiddle benefits. He works full time self employed and she is a sahm with the children.

I've been drifting apart from her for a while as I believe she is lying to me and spinning me a load of bull and quite frankly I can't be doing with it. I haven't spoken to her in a couple of weeks but her cousin has told me something that just seems odd. Apparently they are letting their house get repossessed. The mortgage hasn't been paid for months since their tenant left but her partner earns a decent wage, isn't paying any rent at his grandad's house so would easily afford the mortgage. Well I've figured it out (it's not hard) they simply don't want to pay the mortgage anymore. She gets most of rent payed by the council and he doesn't pay anything at all to his granddad. So between them they won't have a full rent/mortgage I pay and will therefore have plenty of spare cash.

I just think it's all bollocks but the funny thing is they assume that everyone around them has just fallen for it and believe what they say. They both apparently don't want to have any shared finances and want to be independent. But the amazing thing with that is they still live in each other's pockets, go on short breaks together, out for meals, etc etc. They are a couple and just won't admit so they can gain financially. Aibu to not contact her anymore? I detest liars but for her to lie to her family is just disgusting. She wants sympathy and is playing her part of the distressed single parent well but I have a nose for bullshit and as it appears so do most of her family.

OP posts:

bloodyteenagers · 17/12/2016 16:11

What was the outcome the last time this was posted?
If that's not obsessed don't know what it lol.

twattymctwatterson · 17/12/2016 16:17

You've posted about this before haven't you? Sounds very familiar

Lelloteddy · 17/12/2016 16:17

Blimey OP.

You've missed out a few pertinent details. What size is their wide screen? How many goats do they have? And do they have the audacity to buy ready made fruit from M&S?

MeetMeAtMidnight · 17/12/2016 16:22

They have separate finances, she gets benefits and they spend a lot of time together, may even still be an item but don't live together? So what? There's nothing illegal or fraudulent in any of that unless they start living together and don't declare it. Even the house nonsense, if it makes more financial sense to them for it to be repossessed, how does that matter to anyone but them? Why shouldn't she get social housing if she qualifies?

You sound way over-invested in how they live their lives. If you really suspect benefit fraud, report it, but don't dress up what you've posted here as anything more than spite and resentment. Sounds to me like these people are quite legally working the system to their advantage and are not hurting anyone else in the process.

Toocleverbyhalf2 · 17/12/2016 16:26

Ilovesooty

Actually I can't find any of your comments, but the general tone of the thread is nasty. I didn't say that you specifically watch those tv programmes, but plenty do and are judgemental because of it. I actually agree that the OP shouldn't be judgemental too, she probobly doesn't know the full facts, I merely wanted to point out that we're all entitled to an opinion and that should be respected. Being called a nut job and being told to fuck off are necessary.
Why is it that whenever benefits are mentioned people get nasty?

twattymctwatterson · 17/12/2016 16:26

Having rtft now I'm positive you've posted about this "friend" before. Pretty sure you were saying you didn't want to see her again last time too. Do yourself a favour and take the advice you've been given now twice and mind your own business. You are obsessed

EbeneezerBooze · 17/12/2016 16:29

Someone who was utterly clueless (and would have definitely described themselves as my friend) was convinced DH and I were committing benefit fraud. Completely baseless allegation but repeated to all and sundry.

Made themselves look a right fucking nobber when she said it to DH's bosses wife, who told her very plainly how much shit she was talking.

Or in other words, mind your own, nosy beak.

supersop60 · 17/12/2016 16:29

For your own mental health, let go of this and walk away from this person.

BratFarrarsPony · 17/12/2016 16:32

I am sorry but the rather over-used phrase 'get a life' is the only thing that springs to mind on reading your 'problem'.

BlurryFace · 17/12/2016 16:35

If they're so on and off maybe they've decided not to live together again for a while to save their DCs some heartbreak, so of course the mum should get benefits to maintain her separate household, geez.

MrsMattBomer · 17/12/2016 16:39

Even if they are still together, it doesn't actually break any rules if he isn't staying overnight constantly. If he's genuinely living at his granddad's and has all his post and everything delivered there then they're not doing anything wrong.

Maybe morally they are but frankly, considering the things that our government wastes money on (HS2, Bucks Palace, tax breaks for millionaires) I have no issue with anyone gaming the system for a few quid. If the system was actually fair and not about punishing people and benefits actually covered basic living costs, there'd be no need to fraudulently claim anything. Instead, they keep cutting and cutting, which means out of necessity, people are having to commit fraud or make a few quid on the side.

thatdearoctopus · 17/12/2016 16:50

OP, surely you must know that there are two things you are not allowed to do on Mumsnet:

dare to criticise/query anyone on benefits
quote anything that has been mentioned in the Daily Mail, even if it has also been reported in every other newspaper, along with the bbc.

bloodyteenagers · 17/12/2016 16:50

But anyway, mind your own business.
Some couple work better in separate households than they do living together.
You don't know their finances. They genuinely may not be able to pay for the house.
She cannot live on fresh air and needs cash.
If there's anything dodgy, hmrc will find it because they do randomly ask for bills and bank statements spanning back an insane amount of time.

Sure you was told all this the last time.

GreatFuckability · 17/12/2016 16:51

My ex and I spend time together, we've been on holiday together, we still have a joint bank account. He has a girlfriend he lives with and I have a boyfriend. He pays a couple of bills in lieu of maintenance. We are very much not together. Our kidd are fine thank you very much. Mind your business.

MeetMeAtMidnight · 17/12/2016 16:54

Tooclever I think it is your preconceptions about how people here feel about benefits recipients that are leading you to conflate what is happening here with benefit recipient prejudice. There is no such feeling here as far as I can see - but I agree that was probably the intent behind the thread.

The OP IS trying to whip up anti-benefit recipient sentiment against her 'friend' but, unfortunately for her, those few MNers who who look down on and judge all benefit recipients as fraudsters, chancers and moochers apparently went out Christmas shopping today. My point is, the only one judging here is the OP; now, whether she deserves to be told to fuck off or not is simply a matter of opinion.

mummydawn07 · 17/12/2016 16:55

i think you should just distance yourself from her and get on with your life and let them get on with theirs..

BishopBrennansArse · 17/12/2016 17:12

If they are living separately and do not have joint finances there is zero fraud.

Emmageddon · 17/12/2016 17:28

I hope she isn't on mumsnet because your post is pretty identifying. I'd be livid if a 'friend' of mine decided to post personal details about my life and financial situation on an open forum - and not to gain support or sympathy, but to stir up outrage.

PacificDogwod · 17/12/2016 17:45

I don't understand these thread, genuinely, I don't

If you suspect benefit fraud report her (anonymously if you want).
And then leave it at that.
What on earth does it have to do with you?

expatinscotland · 17/12/2016 17:54

Get a life, OP!

Dawndonnaagain · 17/12/2016 18:19

Dawndonnaagain is there any reason to tell the OP to fuck off? She's allowed an opinion and I'm shocked at your reply. If you don't agree just scroll on.
Because having been here a few years I'm as fed up with these threads. Apart from which, this is Mumsnet, I am allowed to express myself in any manner that I choose without having to justify it to anyone.

Toocleverbyhalf2 · 17/12/2016 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ilovesooty · 17/12/2016 18:41

Well I don't know what Tooclever said but it was presumably more objectionable than other people's posts that she was complaining about.

Handsoffmysweets · 17/12/2016 18:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

MissMargie · 17/12/2016 19:13

So it's a scam to get her housing paid for by the taxpayer.

It works as long as they stay together. Not so good for her in the long run if they don't. She will have a rented council home but income will drop once DCs leave home.
Also the DP can save whilst her costs are paid for and he lives with family. Which again is fine if they stay together, but she could end up with no savings or pension.
Also he is self employed so fine as long as he is healthy.

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