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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand how they can simply assume people are oblivious to what's going on

100 replies

Rocky246 · 17/12/2016 12:48

I'll jump straight in. I'be believed for a while that a friend of mine is committing benefit fraud. She and her partner have three children. They bought a home together, lived in it for a while and then announced they were splitting up for good this time (they were strangely always on and off). He moved out of the house and she remained for a while until she secured a private rented property. This was two years ago. Her partner moved a mere mile away and is living with his grandad and they both continue to live like a couple. There are tons of reasons why it doesn't seem right but I'd be here all day. Basically people in her family and mutual friends of ours have noticed how "friendly" her and her ex still are (I know that's allowed but in this case it's way ott) and they all believe that they are living the way they for convieniencr but also so that they can fiddle benefits. He works full time self employed and she is a sahm with the children.

I've been drifting apart from her for a while as I believe she is lying to me and spinning me a load of bull and quite frankly I can't be doing with it. I haven't spoken to her in a couple of weeks but her cousin has told me something that just seems odd. Apparently they are letting their house get repossessed. The mortgage hasn't been paid for months since their tenant left but her partner earns a decent wage, isn't paying any rent at his grandad's house so would easily afford the mortgage. Well I've figured it out (it's not hard) they simply don't want to pay the mortgage anymore. She gets most of rent payed by the council and he doesn't pay anything at all to his granddad. So between them they won't have a full rent/mortgage I pay and will therefore have plenty of spare cash.

I just think it's all bollocks but the funny thing is they assume that everyone around them has just fallen for it and believe what they say. They both apparently don't want to have any shared finances and want to be independent. But the amazing thing with that is they still live in each other's pockets, go on short breaks together, out for meals, etc etc. They are a couple and just won't admit so they can gain financially. Aibu to not contact her anymore? I detest liars but for her to lie to her family is just disgusting. She wants sympathy and is playing her part of the distressed single parent well but I have a nose for bullshit and as it appears so do most of her family.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 17/12/2016 13:17

You're not her friend and I don't think you should describe yourself as such. Your post comes across as if you're simply a gossipy and judgemental busy body who is overly invested in an acquaintances life.

You'd have been better off saying " I know someone who I actively dislike" and it would have come across as more honest.

AQuietMind · 17/12/2016 13:19

She sounds like she would be much better without people like you in her life. Do her a favour and walk away.

MollyRedskirts · 17/12/2016 13:21

If they have separate finances and don't live together, they certainly aren't classed as a couple for tax credits purposes, so there's no fraud. Ex-HMRC bod here. I can't speak for other benefits, but I imagine it's the same.

You've got your knickers in a twist over nothing, m'dear.

Original poster
Rocky246 · 17/12/2016 13:21

I don't particularly dislike her though. I dislike what she is doing and how she is dragging her family and also her kids into it just for the money. I totally agree that separated people who go on to meet new partners should not be made to live together if that's not what they chose. However in this case it's an established long term relationship and they have children. If you are going to continue to live like a couple then why not just be one. Ah right the money, that's why.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rocky246 · 17/12/2016 13:23

As far as I'm aware they dot have totally separate finances. They are still insured to drive each other's cars, he pays her mobile contract and othe bills. And before you ask, yes she told me this. It's like she believes if she's "honest" and upfront about it all no one will suspect her. The trouble she I careful about what she tells you and is very manipulative.

OP posts:
brasty · 17/12/2016 13:25

If they are really just doing this for the money, then it is very unfair on their DCs and will have an impact on them.

Original poster
Rocky246 · 17/12/2016 13:26

So, Molly. I live with my long term partner and have two children together. If I suddenly decided to kick him (probably back to his mums house) were he wouldn't be registered for bills, council tax, electoral roll etc. Yet we still see each other every day, go on holidays together, days out, he pays my bills etc, that would be acceptable to the hmrc and they wouldn't see it as fraud? I find that very hard to believe

OP posts:
ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 17/12/2016 13:26

If you gossip enough you'll always find something to be outraged by, and generally gossips don't care if it's true or not.

Just stay out of it, people are allowed relationships when they are on benefits. Even relationships with their ex.

SecretSeven · 17/12/2016 13:26

This whole thing is none of your business.

Thinnestofthinice · 17/12/2016 13:26

Why are you so invested in this? Unless you are giving her money it's not your problem. If you don't like her cut the friendship- end of problem. Honestly if I found out that someone was posting my personal circumstances over the internet as gossip you would no longer be a friend.

Original poster
Rocky246 · 17/12/2016 13:27

I honestly believe this is the reason beauty and I feel very sorry for their children. For as long as I've known them both they've always been obsessed with money like it's the most important thing, so them doing what they are wasn't really a surprise to me.

OP posts:
IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname · 17/12/2016 13:28

I didn't think you could claim housing benefit if you owned a property?

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/12/2016 13:28

Warl that is benefit fraud what the op describes is something different. They don't live together and have separate finances

Your friend is in a very vulnerable position. Her dp owns and is getting rent from a house he owns and is living rent free in your friends house. If they split your friends bf will walk away with equity in a house your friend will have nothing but a monthly rent that has to be paid every single month till the day she dies.

The ops friend I cannot believe can be so stupid as to get a house she owns repossessed. The consequences are horrendous and far more costly than living in a home which after the mortgage is paid off will end up with equity which can give you life choices.
Short term gain long term pain

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 17/12/2016 13:29

Report them then, if you're so convinced.

But strap on a pair and tell her to her face that you're reporting her and why.

Don't report her then be as nice as pie to her face. That's not on.

Original poster
Rocky246 · 17/12/2016 13:29

I know that it's none of business but I'm still entitled to an opinion. Probably half of the members on here are posting about things that really aren't any business of their but so what.

OP posts:
LeadPipe · 17/12/2016 13:29

If they are obsessed with money keeping and/or selling their house would have given them a much bigger windfall than having it repossessed. In the U.K. It's the fastest appreciuasset you can have.

It's very unlikely that they were in negative equity.

Either way it's none of your business and trying to feign concern for the children isn't how you started this off.

Bluntness100 · 17/12/2016 13:30

I don't particularly dislike her though

Original poster
Rocky246 · 17/12/2016 13:30

You can in our area but only if your property is deemed to be in negative equity (no matter how small) or you have had a relationship breakdown and can't sell the property.

OP posts:
LeadPipe · 17/12/2016 13:31

Joffrey has given some good advice about what to if you feel so concerned.

ilovesooty · 17/12/2016 13:32

You seriously claim you're not invested?

Original poster
Rocky246 · 17/12/2016 13:32

I won't be being as nice as pie to her face as I no longer wish to see her anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rocky246 · 17/12/2016 13:33

I'm not invested because it doesn't actually affect me what she chooses to do with her life. It's pissed me off that she is such a lying manipulative selfish person. But that still doesn't affect my life does it.

OP posts:
WeDoNotSow · 17/12/2016 13:34

How can it be benefit fraud if they don't live together?!? Confused

I thought that maintenance payments werent taken into account anymore as well, so even if he does give her a bit of money, she'd still be classed as a single person, what with her living aline

WeDoNotSow · 17/12/2016 13:34

*Alone

ilovesooty · 17/12/2016 13:35

Well if you don't wish to see her any more why the Internet vitriol?

And as I said, not much of a loss for her. I bet you continue your investment in this through your mutual friends.