Toys for girls and toys for boys

[Doman]

A friend posted a photo of her twin boys today having received their random secret santa gifts at school. Kid A got a toy truck, Kid B an arts and crafts kit. Her header was along the lines of 'look how unhappy Kid B is as opposed to Kid A'.

I hate the idea of gendered toys so it riled me a bit. What really pissed me off were the comments saying 'oh no, how awful for him' and 'poor him' etc. I was the only one who said I didn't see the problem and that I found those views disappointing. Cue angry responses from my friend saying that I had shamed her friends, family and son by expressing that view.

I think that it's reasonable to challenge a sexist point of view and don't see how I was shaming her child in any way. AIBU?

Did anyone actually mention sex? Because a truck is cool. DD would have liked one and probably been pissed off she didn't get the truck.

I don't get this at all. Arts and craft stuff isn't gendered. Perhaps the boy who received it isn't into that sort of activity?

You "shamed her friends, family and son"? Bit strong! Will she have to commit hari kari now?

I don't think you were unreasonable pointing it out. This kind of lazy stereotyping that a lot of people don't think is a big deal is always worth bringing up.

I agree I see no gender issue here. One got a toy, the other got an activity.

It's extremely ungrateful, but I don't think it is sexist.

Tbf he probably wanted a truck like his brother but yanbu in what you said a toy is a toy but shaming his whole family is a bit dramatic is it not q

The comments were definitely around the fact it was a toy for girls. And yes, I thought 'shaming' was a bit strong!

Random santa gifts are always going to result in some disappointment given that they will all be different.

Did the facebook friend or others specifically claim that the truck was a boys toy and arts kit a girls toy? If so, that is worth challenging on the gendered toys issue.

Always refer this type of people to this flow chart:

Is the toy operated with genitals? - yes- this toy is not for children
- no - it's a toy for girls and boys

What were the comments because I you say it was definitely around sex, but I am not seeing it myself.

Ds wouldn't like craft stuff. Not because he is a boy. Because he isn't really into it.

General 'poor him, how disappointing' comments, one from the parent saying 'I had to explain that sometimes boys play with sparkles' etc.

Meh I think you've projected your stuff onto this.

Perhaps the people commenting know that gift wasn't something he would like.

I have the 'pink isn't just for girls' conversation with ds every so often. Because he has picked it up at school, usually from girls. So I can imagine a parent having this converstation with a boy who has been told, at school, that boys don't use sparkles. That doesn't mean they have brought them up to believe arts and crafts are for girls

Unfortunately we are not the only Influences on our kids.

I still don't get what indicates that this is anything about gender.

And I can imagine that people wouldn't take kindly to you projecting that this is about gender on to their converstation.

DD loves cars and doesn't have a doll. I get constant crap from people saying 'oh poor her she is so deprived as she has no doll's'. She doesn't want a doll. She has a few pink cars and a friend commented 'oh I didn't know they made cars for girls'. Errr no, they makes cars for children, some cars just happen to be pink. Unless you need your genitals to play with a toy no toy is for one gender.

Post this.

Will she have to commit hari kari now?

I agree with the posters saying "but perhaps that twin really loves trucks" People making comments about it being 'for girls' are perpetuating a negative message but the mum is reasonable in being disappointed. I think the point is that they are twins: one has a gift he likes and one doesn't.

I think sometimes it's seen as a negative if a child is very stereotypical and that's hardly fair. The whole point of 'no gendered toys' is to let children choose not be limited further.

Wellthen eloquently put. I agree. It isn't about role reversal, it's about fluidity.

Giving 'gender identity' to toys annoys me. Just today on FB I've seen someone selling a pink flowery toy vacuum cleaner and someone else selling 'kids spiderman trainers for boys' argh; both wrong on more than one level!