17 year old goes to bed at 4 am and is failing Sixth Form... AIBU to remove his gadgets?

[rooroo123]

DS is almost 18... He goes to bed at 4 am! He has to be up for 6:50. He always has a nap when he gets home (for around 2 hours). He spends the night watching YouTube, Netflix, TV shows, etc. it's a nightmare! However, he's almost an adult, I can't always make choices for him. I wouldn't care, but his Sixth Form grades are really slipping. He started off so well, but failed last year, so is retaking it this year, he is absolutely capable, but barely writes down any of his work, we were called in for a meeting with his subject teachers and they said that if he doesn't start concentrating in lessons (tends to be yawning into the distance) he will no longer be able to stay at their Sixth Form. How do I fix this? I really don't want him to ruin his life from some sill decision to never go to bed!

Change the wifi password, stop funding any extra activities/pocket money, come down hard now so he knows you're not messing. I did this at 6th form and my parents stopped everything until I sorted myself out

You can put a timer on your router. That'll stop him as long as he's not got an unlimited data contract on his phone

A timer on your router is a much better idea than blocking his internet access altogether. He will probably leave home and college altogether if you do that.

I never said I'd block his internet access altogether, I wouldn't do that. I just thought removing them for the night.

He's a bit old for such measures as removing his gadgets - practically an adult. I think you have to encourage and mentor him into better habits, but punishments or confiscations will backfire when implemented with a 17 year old.

What does he intend to do after sixth form? My ds was like this and he had no idea why he was studying the subjects he had chosen. He dropped out, did a dead end job, went to USA and came back a different lad. He had found what he wanted to do, knuckled down and worked very hard.

Maybe your ds is in a similar position. Just lost and not seeing a clear path for himself.

I don't know Trifle if he agrees he has a problem and it needs solving so it is not confrontational then it might well work.
If he is resistant to changing then perhaps he needs to understand what his options without A levels or equivalent are. Make an appointment with the college careers officer ?

Are you able to sit down and talk to him about it - talk to him as an equal rather than laying down the law? Ask if Sixth Form is really where he wants to be right now, and ask him to think about what he wants to be doing after Sixth Form?

I would try talking to him first, treating him like an adult

However I am sure you have already done that, hell or you wouldn't be here would you

Failing talking to him, I would turn off the router pm each evening. at this stage though it is a bit like bolting the stable door after the horse has bolted as this has clearly gone on for a long time

He needs some discipline and it is up to you to guide him

Bearing in mind it is all you can do now, guide him, if he is completely determined to sit on his arse and fuck his life up as an adult you cannot force him to do anything...you need to think future, what are you going to do if he gets kicked out of college, and cannot get a job?

I've never had my own teenager but we had a 17 year old boy come and live with us for a year for long and complicated reasons.

I turned off wifi at 11pm each night as I was getting letters from his school about attendance and grades. I was not his guardian but his parents didn't give a fuck and there was little else I had power over. Also, the noise from his computer was really annoying when I was trying to get to sleep.

His attendance did improve and he got a place at uni so it helped rather than hindered.