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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think he thinks no one is coming because no one loves him?

78 replies

MommaGee · 15/12/2016 21:22

So baby is in bed, sleeping horrendously over the last week - last 4 nights were spent on his nursery floor by me because i was getting up so often it wasn't worth going to bed.
He cried out (have monitor downstairs), by the time i'd put down what was in my lap and got part way upstairs he stopped so i didn't go in (even asleep he's easily disturbed) but now i'm convinced he's lying there alone in the dark thinking i don't love him.
I have to go and put his feed on in half an hour so that will probably disturb him so i just didn't want to go in and wake him up if he was asleep.

Have i traumatised him forever or am i just being pfb? We aren't a CIO house, he cried for about 20 seconds, possibly not even that long

OP posts:

Allthewaves · 15/12/2016 21:23

Er he probably just woke up, had a protest cry and went back to sleep

Cuttingthecheese · 15/12/2016 21:24

Really? Give your head a wobble love.

StealthPolarBear · 15/12/2016 21:25

Hoe old is he?

Whatsername17 · 15/12/2016 21:25

How old is your baby?

Original poster

MommaGee · 15/12/2016 21:25

18 months. I say baby, you say toddler...

OP posts:

bittapitta · 15/12/2016 21:26

Yabu this is fairly normal baby behaviour. Grumble grumble fart or grumble turn over, get comfy.

Are you okay though OP? Your post sounds as if you are leaning towards PND or similar... Or at least some of the thoughts I had when depressed.

Have you considered going to bed early rather than reading or whatever you were doing downstairs?

BastardGoDarkly · 15/12/2016 21:27

He cried for 15 seconds, and went back to sleep? And you're wringing your hands? Is this a stealth boast?

PoldarksBreeches · 15/12/2016 21:27

Are you for real? Don't be so daft

ijustwannadance · 15/12/2016 21:29

Traumatised forever. Really?
He won't give a shit, or remember, or throw it back in your face when he's a teenager.

ninenicknames · 15/12/2016 21:29

Get a grip. Or are you actually ok?

ohdearme1958 · 15/12/2016 21:29

Lack of sleep isn't a form of torture for nothing. You're sleep deprived and hopefully after a couple of reasonably good nights your thought process will be less distressing for you. Is there anyone who can come and help you for a few days? And please remember if you're struggling it's ok to put your hand up and tell your GP or Health Visitor that you are.

regularbutpanickingabit · 15/12/2016 21:30

Nope. He will feel a thousand times better than you do right now. Sometimes babies just need to settle themselves with a squawk. That's very different to being left to CIO. Honestly, I promise you that sleep deprivation and hormones make your life shit for this but but your baby is just fine. Sometimes racing in too quickly is actually counterproductive. Putting down your laptop, standing up and walking halfway upstairs is a perfectly normal processs. If he has quitened down by the time you have done that then that's great. Honestly! Be kind to yourself.

MissLemonsLemons · 15/12/2016 21:30

Probably cried out in his sleep. Does he normally stop and lay awake? DD never does, just escalates until we go in. But does sometimes cry in her sleep then stop. I am completely PFB with the monitor and DD waking and crying but even I think you need to give yourself a gentle sense check.

minniebear · 15/12/2016 21:30

Be kind to yourself OP, it sounds like you're feeling anxious? I'm sure he's confident you'll come, as you've not left him in the past.

Original poster

MommaGee · 15/12/2016 21:30

i would go to bed because we've slept terribly (used to be a great sleeper but hospital always throws him off for a few weeks with their beeps and noise and lights compared to his lovely quiet and dark nursery!) but he's due a feed on shortly and will be on for just over an hour. I will be going straight after his feed comes off (he's PEG fed).
Thanks Bitta, i'm ok just grumpy cos i lost my phone and rather tired

OP posts:

Nineloves1 · 15/12/2016 21:32

20 seconds is barely enough to wake up. Mine used to wail in their sleep sometimes.

I suspect it was a fart. (no evidence for this, I know).

PoldarksBreeches · 15/12/2016 21:33

He's peg fed and been in hospital? You could have said at first, people would have been more sympathetic.
Obviously he's fine but it puts a context to your anxiety.

waterrat · 15/12/2016 21:33

Him stopping crying is exactly what toddlers do when they are content snd happy in the night and know they can go back to sleep. If you let him do it more often he will stop waking as much.

HardLightHologram · 15/12/2016 21:34

Well you might be overthinking it but this is why I ended up 'attachment parenting' otherwise known as responding to every tiny cry and cosleeping.

My five year old is currently snoring away beside me in bed while I watch tv.

It may not have done any of us any favours but I could never bear leaving any of them to cry alone, even for a few seconds. I'm too soft.

bittapitta · 15/12/2016 21:34

Oh okay you've had a lot on your plate recently then (bit of a drip feed about his hospital stay but no bother!) - you're exhausted and not thinking straight. Ignore the sharp incredulous replies here and know that he is fine!

Original poster

MommaGee · 15/12/2016 21:35

Bastard steal boast that my baby can't sleep through for more than an hour without waking himself / me / both up? No i'll save that brag for 3 am when i'm patting his bum for the 100th time to get him to go. to. sleep. please!

MissLemons sometimes he squarks in his sleep and sometimes (like the last 4 nights) he wakes himself up and then cries till i come in and pat his bum and sing him a song and rock him and gets bored of all that. He is left in his cot awake but settled to go to sleep as with an audience he just wants to play

OP posts:

dylsmimi · 15/12/2016 21:35

He honestly won't be awake thinking he isn't loved - he will be fast asleep having happy dreams and recharging his batteries for tomorrow's fun
Please don't worry. Even if you have to let him cry a little longer (if you were in the shower /on the loo/ etc ) he would also be fine (and I don't like to CIO but more than 20 secs is fine
You need some rest too - take care of yourself and don't worry your baby is just fine

Ginmakesitallok · 15/12/2016 21:35

The teenage version - dd1 had a knee op last week and can't get out of bed by herself yet. Onr morning earlier this week I heard her shouting at 6am that she needed a wee, so went to help her. Went back to be, checked my phone and she'd been what's apping and texting me from 4.15 to say she was sore and needed the loo, my phone was on silent. Now THAT'S parental guilt at ignoring your needy child...

Ginmakesitallok · 15/12/2016 21:36

(Don't think she cried though..
)

Whatsername17 · 15/12/2016 21:36

It sounds like your dc has health complications. You are exhausted and anxious. Your baby knows he is loved, you just both need some sleep. Be kind to yourself. I remember distinctly believing my dd didn't like me at points when she only wanted her daddy. I used to sob in the bath. It's hormonal, normal and perfectly ok. It's still not true though....your dd knows you love him. Hope tonight is a better night.

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