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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think he thinks no one is coming because no one loves him?

78 replies

MommaGee · 15/12/2016 21:22

So baby is in bed, sleeping horrendously over the last week - last 4 nights were spent on his nursery floor by me because i was getting up so often it wasn't worth going to bed.
He cried out (have monitor downstairs), by the time i'd put down what was in my lap and got part way upstairs he stopped so i didn't go in (even asleep he's easily disturbed) but now i'm convinced he's lying there alone in the dark thinking i don't love him.
I have to go and put his feed on in half an hour so that will probably disturb him so i just didn't want to go in and wake him up if he was asleep.

Have i traumatised him forever or am i just being pfb? We aren't a CIO house, he cried for about 20 seconds, possibly not even that long

OP posts:
AmeliaJack · 15/12/2016 21:40

My 9 yo sometimes cries in his sleep and then has settled by the time I check in him. Doesn't remember a thing the next morning not even the bad dream that made him call out.

20 seconds is not long enough to have decided no one loves him.

You are sleep deprived sweetheart. You'll read this back in a few months and laugh.

He knows he's loved.

Bogeyface · 15/12/2016 21:45

DD4 used to do this, I always thought of it as her way of keeping me from getting too comfy! "OI!!!!! Dont even think about relaxing, I am still here you know and I might kick off at any second.......!" :o

BastardGoDarkly · 15/12/2016 21:46

Op, I commented on what you'd posted? The information since makes much more sense.

Get some sleep, while you can Flowers

MetalMidget · 15/12/2016 21:47

Grumble grumble fart.

I'm actually tempted to change my 20 week old boy's name to that by deed poll. I had no idea that babies were so musically flatulent.

OP, your baby is fine. Leaving babies to cry for prolonged periods repeatedly is harmful, from what I've read, but from what you've written, he's just had a shriek in his sleep and settled almost immediately after.

Olympiathequeen · 15/12/2016 21:49

I've been there and it does get easier, but it takes a long time. All I could ever do was tell myself I couldn't do more than I was doing and feeling guilty was a waste of energy.

I did pick up from the first post the part about putting up a feed and I know from experience babies who have had a traumatic birth often wake if a mouse farts! Having a trauma baby and and normal (csection) baby are worlds apart and something most people won't understand. The terror you feel with a first new baby is multiplied a hundred times, but it will improve. Try talking to other new mums in your situation. Facebook has some lovely support groups and your HV may know of something locally.

StarryIllusion · 15/12/2016 21:50

... Op, I think the sleep deprivation is getting to you. hands you a grip and a double G&T

MeetMeAtMidnight · 15/12/2016 21:51

He'll be fine, if he didn't go full throttle, he just went straight back to sleep. Sounds like you've both had a stressful time, hope things get back to normal for you quickly now you're home.

Booshbeesh · 15/12/2016 21:51

Hes probably dreaming!! He might not have been crying he might have been wrestling down the dragons to save thy fare maiden.. hes so little and his.mind is going craaazy esp all them faces and new things hes recently seen in hospital. Best bit about being a mum is that u dont need to constantly remind them u love them. Because they can feel it even when u are not near... xxxxx

Original poster
MommaGee · 15/12/2016 21:59

Ginmakes oh bless her, good bladder control!! hope she's up and taking herself to the loo soon!!

Just been in to settle him as he was crying again :(
It's first night on my own since we got hi back from hospital (no dear, pleasedo go to the pub - genuinely!) and i have no mobile to harass hubby haha

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Original poster
MommaGee · 15/12/2016 22:07

Didn't intend to drip feed, his medical issues are as old as him so i tend to not think to put it, and this is 6th (?) proper hospitalisation (we discount anything uner 48 hours as visiting the girls haha) so i should have big girl pants on by now.

Dyls he's dreaming about wrestling the new tiny baby cousin off his momma haha

Whatsername is thinking he doesn't like me because he only throws up on me paranoid??

Bogey YES!! how the fricking hell can they tell? I swear i need a less creaky bed and there's a creaky floorboard between our rooms!! I'll navigate all that, lie down, close my eyes and he'll (through the medium of crying) yell Mother! Mother!! Don't lieth down, thou ist needed HERE IMMEDIATELY TO TOUCH ME!!! haha

Oops Olympia, i put baby but he's not new, he's technically a toddler (but only holding on to his momma!) but yeah i think i am more touchy than my friends with (thankfully) standard issue babies

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Original poster
MommaGee · 15/12/2016 22:09

Starry thanks hun, a bit of gin would be great ;)

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PetyrBaelish · 15/12/2016 22:34

Bear in mind that you are probably really sleep deprived, and you sound like you have good reasons why you are protective over him. Some posters are being a bit unfair to you, but everyone gets highly strung and over thinks things during that stage. One day you will look back and be confident that what you did was okay, trust me!

As an aside, I did end up using sleep training techniques which I hadn't planned on with my son (not that what you did even counts!), but honestly it ended up being a situation where a few minutes of crying were exchanged for the whole day of a much happier little boy, who napped better to boot. I thought it was such a big dilemma at the time, but now looking back I have no doubt at all that it was completely the right decision.

harderandharder2breathe · 15/12/2016 22:40

Brew he knows he's loved. A 20 cry is nothing, you said you didn't have time to respond before he'd stopped, it's not like you're leaving him to wail for hours on end while you're down the pub.

It's normal to be anxious, even without health complications, but do try to be kind to yourself and not beat yourself up so much about the little things.

MsJudgemental · 15/12/2016 22:45

Why are you waking him up to feed him? Confused

Mypurplecaravan · 15/12/2016 22:53

He's OK. A 20 second cry means he won't even have been properly awake.

Our DS was an awful sleeper. And that's without the added pressure of trying to do overnight PEG feeds. It got better. We didn't CIO because any crying really upset me. But even I'm OK with a 20 second squawk.

It was nice of you to send your other half away to relax with his friends. But don't be afraid to ask for support too.

Glad your son is home safe again.

Hope the feed doesn't disturb him too much. Shh pat. Shh pat.

You've got this

chocolatecakemakesmefat · 15/12/2016 23:03

Maybe because he's Peg fed ? Msjudgemental Hmm

JigglyTuff · 15/12/2016 23:05

MsJudgmental - did you not read the post about PEG feeding? Or are you one of those people who can't be bothered to read the thread.

He'll be fine. Hope you get some sleep OP

Original poster
MommaGee · 15/12/2016 23:06

MsJudgemental I won't deliberatly wake him to feed him, just sometimes he's a bt touchy and his baby-spidey-senses are like momma! pat me and say shhhh to me haha. I attach his feed to his PEG which is in his tummy so sometimes i have to roll the little monster over to get to it. If i don't feed him all his feeds he's sure to just wake up at stupid o'clock hungry and then i have to try and set a feed up half asleep then stay awake for an hour until it finishes as the beeping then wakes him / me up.

OP posts:
Original poster
MommaGee · 15/12/2016 23:07

or perhaps she doesn't what PEG feeding is which is ok cos neither would i pre pfb x

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Original poster
MommaGee · 15/12/2016 23:09

he's kindly woke up three times properly crying to reassure me that i can of course go up and shh shh pat pat rock rock rock him back to sleep thus prove i do indeed love him dearly lol.

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JsOtherHalf · 15/12/2016 23:15

Just in case you've not seen them before, M&S are doing special needs bodysuits ( up to age 16). Some of them have an opening for access to gastro feeding tubes.

www.marksandspencer.com/l/kids/Specialist-Bodysuits-and-Sleepwear?OmnitureRedirect=Special+needs

DontTouchTheMoustache · 15/12/2016 23:15

Sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate. I hope you and DS are both ok Flowers try not to let the anxiety get on top of you (easy for me to say, I'd be a nervous wreck if I was you)

SalemSaberhagen · 15/12/2016 23:18

Why do some posters have to be so cruel? Even before the post about the hospital, it was obvious the OP didn't need posts like 'give your head a wobble'. Do people get off on being cunty?

Original poster
MommaGee · 15/12/2016 23:25

JsOtherHalf you are a darling!! I saw these but only in the larger size - 3 yr plus. 18 month old preemie is coming to the end of his 18-24 month vests haha he;s average height but i little barrel chunky like his momma but this link has them in the 2-3 year size, i love you very much!! Flowers

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Original poster
MommaGee · 15/12/2016 23:33

off to bed people, wish me luck! thanks for the love

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