To not have entitled children...

[FearandLoathinginLasVegas]

Looking at the over indulged 'grown up children' thread, and feeling them same with lots of family friends having grown up children living at home, makes me want to make sure I don't do too much for my primary aged children, and how I need to make sure they are independent .. What do yours do and AIBU?

Mine are KS1 atm & they do:
Make beds
Tidy Room
Stack diswasher (with their stuff)
Set table (for all of us)
Tidy up their own mess
Put dirty uniform in washing bin and put next days clothes out

(massive amounts of winging (from kids) - but i'm hoping its worth it in the end)
btw - i'm the worst mummy in the world when i ask them to do this....

I agree with Hermione, come back when they are teenagers.

Mine make a fantastic gin and tonic

Seriously though, I have a lot of friends with kids ranging from baby to full formed adult and I don't know anyone IRL who has kids who don't do the age appropriate basics (i.e the stuff in your list sounds totally standard for a 6 year old).

Am surprised by the 1 year old who wipes down their own highchair though - am imagining them with mini hazmat suit on getting into all the nooks and crannies with a handheld hoover and some dettol wipes (impressive!). I bloody hated high-chair cleaning shudders

YY abraiid

I think it's all very well saying you 7 year old does everything asked of them, but you're pretty much in control. You can easily say "if you don't tidy your room, you won't get to use the iPad/watch TV/go to Bob's house on Sunday."

With a 17 year old, what can you do? Are you going to pick them up from school and make them come home? Are you going to lock them in the house and stop them going anywhere until they tidy their room?

What works for a primary-aged child won't work for a young adult.

(just to be clear though my teenagers 'helping' is accompanied by much harrumphing, grumbling and eye-rolling and could often be described as half-hearted at best. But he does do it or there is no screen time. Apparently 'nobody else's parents' make them do it, hence me knowing that amongst my friends everybody else's parents do make them do it, because I asked them whether they did!)

DD1 is 18. She does the washing (on occasion), changes her bed (when she can be bothered) and will cook for herself. She's an adult and I pretty much let her get on with stuff. She's very independent now and often out at meal times (working or with friends).

DD2 is 11. She keeps her room tidy, puts washing in the basket, puts clean washing away, helps me tidy, helps me cook, can cook a couple of basics. Loves hoovering!!

I try to find that fine line with them knowing how to cope on their own and learn to do things but also letting them still have a childhood.

Nonsense Hermione. Spare the rod and spoil the child; that's what I always say.

If they can't decently and thoroughly landscape the garden by 11 years old, then you're doomed to a sarcastic back-biting 16 year old who will never ever leave or mature, and you only have yourself and lack of parenting skills to blame.

2 year olds love helping though they get praise for being a good girl

My eldest is 5. Think its time she got a job outside of School. I was thinking of getting her down the pits but sadly we don't have any deep coal mines left anymore. Plus all the textile sweat shops seem to be overseas these days. Can anyone thing of anywhere a 5 YO can get a decent job these days?

Or boy

If they can't decently and thoroughly landscape the garden by 11 years old, then you're doomed to a sarcastic back-biting 16 year old who will never ever leave or mature, and you only have yourself and lack of parenting skills to blame.

Of course, what WAS I thinking?!

Haha hermione read my earlier post, think that proves your point very well!

Teenagers are (sometimes, not always) a PITA when it comes to chores. But, I seek solace in the fact that when mine go to Uni, I have equipped them with basic survival skills and if they are lazy bastards, then it will be their friends having a go and not me. Hopefully, thats when it will sink in for good. (Note I said hopefully )

YABU and a bit smug to assume that chores will sort your children out and ensure they aren't entitled. There's lots of ways to be entitled and although I applaud you for giving your children responsibilities, it's not the only thing that will make them into rounded adults.

Hermione I was thinking the same.
At KS1 they thought they were being "big girl/boy" and were desperate to help. I could have asked them to clean the toilets and you'd see them swell with pride that they were big enough to do such a responsible job.
Very different even with compliant teenagers.

Mine don't have regular chores, nor ever have. Things like taking plate over to the dishwasher I wouldn't count as a chore. More a "what do you do after the meal". They're 16, 13 and 9 yo.
However I'll ask mine when needed. Sometimes I will ask in a "if you have time it would be lovely" type way. They'll do it, more often than not.
Sometimes I'll ask in a "I need this doing, if you do that then I will reward you with this". They'll consider it and occasionally bargain (dd2 is a very good negotiator; I plan on having her negotiate our next car!) and let me know whether they'll do it.
And sometimes I ask in a "this will be done by this time" way, and they know it has to be done or there will be consequences. They don't want to find out what the consequences are very often which is a good thing as I haven't usually decided

but what's more valuable is that they will see something needs doing and go and do it. I've come back to find things hovered, car cleaned, shopping put away etc. And I lavish on the praise, so the others usually then start looking for something to do.

I am watching with interest OP. My sister was an entitled teen/young adult. She is now in her late 30's and constantly falling out with people because they don't do as she says plus can't hold down a job because she always feels boss's requests are unfair and ends up quitting in a strop. My parents did her no favours pandering to her and I am terrified my child will end up that way!

Ks1 children? It's their home not a school, do they have targets also?

chips wow, coincidentally My DD's (16 yr old) friends parents dont make them do anything either. Who knew us rare parents could randomly meet on a thread like this and compare notes? Especially seeing as there are so few of us...

You can indulge children in so many ways though Marching up to school everytime they are told off, telling them they are the most wonderful person in the whole wide world giving in to strops and tantrums. Telling them they are much better at x y z than Emma at school etc etc while they do chores at home.

I don't think it necessarily follows that getting them to do chores helps when they are older or not doing them causes problems. I did bugger all at home, apart from cooking, as my mother was a perfectionist so wanted to do it all herself. I still managed to leave home at 18 and look after my own house.

My teenagers don't do a massive amount (which is fine with me); my son does his own washing as he has work uniforms to do, they keep their rooms vaguely tidy, they will push the hoover round if I ask, they load and unload the dishwasher. Specific chores didn't work for us, as I don't do stuff on a schedule. If the house needs hoovering, whoever happens to be in does it. With a rota, all I got was "it's not my turn". They will actually do anything I ask them to, which is good enough for me.

That is true mrsjayy.

I hate seeing people marching into school every five mins with a different whinge. There are times when you need to advocate for your kids, but not because little johnny got told off for talking in class AGAIN.

YANBU But.
I did all that as well, then they hit their teenage years and apparently turn into hoarders and you feel you need a ringmasters outfit.
I think ultimately other people have far more influence over how your kids turn out than you do. they wont have your accent for example, they will have the accent their peers have...

Sounds good to me. Mine are 8 and 11. They do what yours do but we are adding on housework now - 11 year old can hoover, dust and put on a wash unaided. Ds2 can do the same with support (plus some whining). Helping with cooking is next (peeling veg etc rather than helping me make cakes). Ds1 will have to iron his own uniform when he gets to Secondary.

My teenagers bedroom as of now OP.... dont count your chickens just yet!

And guess what? She knows how to do EVERYTHING and did it nicely when asked, at 7.

If you look closely, she did (sort of) make her bed though bless her.

Wookiecookies she's failing miserably, I can distinctly see a 6 inch square of floor there.