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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she isn't "Jealous" she just plain doesnt like you?

90 replies

RocketQueenP · 14/12/2016 09:48

Met up with some friends last night and one of them has just started a new job in the last few weeks, and is having problems with another woman at work ...this woman keeps making snippy comments and acting in a way which makes my friend think she doesn't like her.

Cue everyone else in my group of friends saying awwww just ignore her She is probably just jealous of you hun

Now I feel bad for my friend as it isn't nice when someone doesn't like you and if this person at work doesn't like her for whatever reason then she should just keep it to herself. But not everyone is everyones cup of tea, its just life. but AIBU to think maybe the woman just generally doesn't like my friend? Why does "jealousy" need to come into it?

And its only ever used when its about women... I have heard it said in this sort of circumstance so many times

Is it just me

OP posts:

Manumission · 15/12/2016 11:29

I'm confused. What has throwing burning tea towels got to do with being indulged for your beauty? Some people are just useless in an emergency and can't think clearly. Or are you saying she deliberately did it because she was so spoilt? What ARE you saying? The key thing sounds like something a dyspraxia person might say. I don't get it

Manumission · 15/12/2016 11:31

DyspraxiC

NavyandWhite · 15/12/2016 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissMargie · 15/12/2016 11:43

I've forgotten the term but there are situations where someone can remind you of someone you knew in the past, or the person reminds you of situations in your past, which were unpleasant, embarrassing or angering.

I think you might behave unreasonably towards them without it being deliberate.

Hardshoulder · 15/12/2016 11:45

Manumission, it is a well-known fact that beautiful ex-strippers (and I am slightly amused Strange sees them as synonymous) are terrified of fire. Or tea-towels. Or something,

Look, the 'X only dislikes me because she's jealous of my beauty/popularity' is a lazy attempt to make yourself feel good - because you both get to be enviable and to have the moral high ground.

We have no idea at all why the OP's friend is disliked by her new colleague. Maybe the colleague is an unpleasant snippy person. Maybe the colleague has appalling personal problems and is taking them out on her workmates. Maybe the OP's friend sniffs/talks all the time/overshares about her menstrual difficulties/ is antagonising her/has replaced the colleague's best friend/is sitting at the desk of someone the colleague hated. Maybe they have very different ideas about their jobs/appropriate workplace behaviour. Maybe the colleague hates Scorpios. Who knows?

Manumission · 15/12/2016 11:56

Oh yes THAT thing

mumofthemonsters808 · 15/12/2016 12:11

In relation to my friend, jealousy is the only explanation for the way she is treated by other women. She is 6foot, an ex model, early forties, in amazing shape, great dresser.Visualise Elle McPherson and you're not far off. The snarls and glares she receives from other women are unbelievable and I hate to say this but they tend to be from other middle aged women.She is pushed into, whispered about, scowled at, just whilst she is innocently stood at a bar or in a line, she's not speaking, so it's not her personality they object to, she does not swish her hair around to draw attention to herself, so it's not her behaviour, because she's just stood there. It's her physical appearance that seems to rile them.She once had to leave a bar because a married couple had a furious row because the Husband would not stop looking at her, the wife became abusive towards my friend, who had done nothing whatsoever apart from exist.

Stefoscope · 15/12/2016 13:13

YANBU, I supervise a girl (not that sex is relevant) who has been rude to colleagues, never accepts responsibility for her mistakes and is quite work shy in some respects. I tend to keep work separate from my social life, so as long as the work gets done and follow my instructions, I don't feel the need to be 'mates' with them, we're friendly but don't overshare details of our personal lives iyswim. We all rub along fine apart from this one girl who irritates everyone apart from the boss.

I find this girl hard work, if I say a job is to be done a certain way, she will invariably question and undermine me. I've tried being polite and explaining why a task needs to be done a certain way and being firm and ignoring her until she just gets on with the work. Nothing improves the situation and she's been with the business almost a year now. I can't recall being snippy with her, but my patience has run thin now and find it hard to want to chat with her or get to know her on a personal level.

When I first brought it to the boss's attention he said 'women don't get on with women in the workplace, they feel threatened by each other' (generalizing much). I'm always careful to stick to the facts when reporting instances of her undermining me or making mistakes. These can in theory all be supported by speaking to colleagues who witnessed it or looking through work logs for the day. But the boss feels I have in for her, rather than I care about the success of the business and treating all employees equally on disciplinary matters. Needless to say I'm looking for a new job now!

StrangeLookingParasite · 15/12/2016 14:54

My some people are excessively literal. Or can't follow a thought through, I don't know.
This girl had been indulged her entire life because of what she looked like (and no, I don't think beautiful and ex-stripped are synonymous, you made that up then attributed it to me, so please don't put words in my mouth). She never felt the slightest need to be practical about anything in any way, because she had always manipulated everyone around her into doing what she wanted.
Would have thought it was pretty obvious, but I guess not when you're looking for things to pick at, or just making things up.

Manumission · 15/12/2016 15:00

So while handling a flaming tea towel she felt able (?) to nevertheless make a decision to manipulate others by throwing it onto furniture? Just so someone would have something to sort out on her account?

And you somehow knew that this was all attributable to her looks?

This makes literally no sense to me.

What do you imagine her theory about your hostility was?

StrangeLookingParasite · 15/12/2016 15:51

What do you imagine her theory about your hostility was?

Where are you getting this? You're very creative; very dishonest, too.

My point about the tea towel - do you commonly use a tea towel for a pot lid? Why or why not? If something's on fire, do you throw it on the ground, or on something else which is flammable? Why? Why not?
She had never developed the slightest bit of common sense, nor did she think it was necessary to, because she relied on her appearance to let her get away with the kind of behaviour that would get ordinary civilians like me laughed at, then told to fuck off.

Manumission · 15/12/2016 15:54

No I'm just bemused.

So what you're really saying is the eccentric behaviours were learned helplessness?

That's not quite the same as decisions to manipulate.

misshelena · 15/12/2016 18:46

Billsykes-- "I have to say I think in a lot of ways we women are our own worst enemies as this thread shows. All this 'I just don't like you' is infantile crap"

I disagree.

I am more likely to dislike a man than a woman. So I, for one, am not "our own worst enemy"
When I say "I just don't like her", it is not "infantile crap". It means "I don't like her, and I don't care to explain myself to you".

misshelena · 15/12/2016 19:26

Billsykes -- "Actually I think it often is jealousy or something like it. I think a better word would be competition. "

I disagree, but only with your use of the word "often". Jealousy/ competition is but one of thousands of reasons why pp dislike other pp. Just a few that come to mind:

Her toddler hit/push other kids, but she always thinks it's the other kid's fault
Her room is a sty, stinking up the common areas
She seems proud that her teen dumped the gf in such a cruel manner
She thinks nothing of backdating a memo so that she doesn't get blamed
She is always late. Always.
She talks too loudly and chews with her mouth open

etc. etc.

user1480946351 · 15/12/2016 21:59

I have to say I think in a lot of ways we women are our own worst enemies as this thread shows. All this 'I just don't like you' is infantile crap

Bollocks. The idea that women should all like each other and be nice all the fucking time is ridiculous. Beleiving that shit is what makes you your own worst enemy.
Women, just like men, meet people they don't like. They don't have to like everyone, they don't have to be nice all the time.

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