Feeling disappointed with husband

[chocolatebubbles]

Myself and my husband celebrated our first wedding anniversary recently. I wanted to do something special so booked a city break for us to Christmas markets as a surprise but told him three months before we were due to go to give him heads up. On the day of the anniversary I got happy anniversary from him no card or little gift. I then spent ages in shower trying to hide how sad I felt but eventually he triggered I was crying. He then tried to cover it up by giving me money (still no card) and I told him any money I get always goes on house or kids and it would have been nice to have been bought a gift so I gave him the money back. Later we're out shopping and I saw a beautiful bracelet and he said he'd buy it for me. The bracelet cost £50 more than what he had given me so he goes that will be your Christmas present too. I don't mind that too much but my AIBU is I work part time to be at home with our kids as he travels a lot, he earns 3 times more my salary and yes he does put a fair portion to cover bills, food etc as do I with my salary. I got told that he works more so I should do more around the house which is true but he only works 1 day more than me and when he's away for weeks at a time it is only me at home juggling everything. I feel really let down by him as not once did he say thanks for the break or it was a lovely surprise instead all he moaned about was how expensive everything was this close to Christmas even though I did all the Christmas shopping in August/September to take the heat off us financially in December. I just feel so disappointed but I'm not sure whether I should be.

You need to sit down child free and talk OP.
Do you set out what you would like to happen in your relationship? Are you happy with how the finances work currently? It doesn't sound like a partnership on any level and after just one year of marriage I doubt this is new to you... was the wedding expected to make things better between you?
I do feel sorry for you and I dont think you ABU as such... but I also don't think you're clearly communicating with your husband on any level...so I'm not sure he can be expected to fix what he doesn't realise is broken.

You're right we don't communicate much but I also feel he doesn't make time to sit down and talk as he hates talking. I often sit down to talk about general stuff at dinner and he'd get up and start doing something such as clearing plates away ect. We are together 10 years in total.

My ex used to work away a lot for work, for weeks at a time, and it would have been his idea of hell to "go away for a weekend" - because he spent 80% of his life living out of hotels and eating in restaurants, it was a treat for him to just spend the weekend at home, cooking for himself (or having a homecooked meal that I was making, without menu attached), and not having to live out of a suitcase.

£600 is a lot of money to spend on a city break (i've gone on all inclusive European holidays for less than that!), perhaps if you'd have discussed it before you booked it, he could have put his own input in to it, but once it was booked and paid for, saying he didn't want to go would sound ungrateful/rude so he kept his mouth shut.

In your head that was your "present" to him, but perhaps in his head the break wasn't a present as such, but was your way of celebrating, instead of buying presents ... it's all down to communication and it seems like you two just don't

He might just be a good man who worries about money, maybe unnecessarily.

Buy your own presents and treat yourself in future so that you don't feel let down by your dh who obviously doesn't sing from the same hymm sheet as you.