How unreasonable was I to have told DH about his sister's 6k debt?

[NameChangeGhosty]

In a nutshell, SIL told me she's being kicked out by February due to landlord selling up and because of her being on housing benefit, it's harder to get a landlord to take her on. So, what she's doing is offering another 6K on top of the initial month's rent in advance, which will be hard for a landlord to let pass if it's his best offer.
Money is being borrowed by Nan.

DH and family know (common knowledge), that she's having to move by February.

DH did not know she was borrowing the £6K from his Nan. It came about that I told him because he wondered how she'd offered to move so quickly and I said "She's borrowing 6K from Nan to help move".

The day later DH told his Mum "By the way, if Molly asks for money don't give her any. She's getting 6K from Nan". Her reply was "there's nothing you can tell me I don't already know Micky " I was given quite a stern look...

That same evening SIL came round with DN and was acting a bit off with me... not horrible but didn't seem as chatty.

How unreasonable was I to have told DH?

Should I have known to keep my mouth shut even though she didn't say "between you and me"?

I didn't think it was that big an issue at the time since she told me about the money like she was listing what was for Christmas dinner

It doesn't sound like it was a secret, but I would have assumed you had been talking about it in a negative way for you to go running to my mother and 'warn' her not to lend me money.

aqua Not at all! I wouldn't do that.

But DH on the other hand often things his sister takes the piss with money/borrowing

*thinks

Where did you DH get off getting involved like that? He sounds very derogatory.

Well generally I would feel you should place your DH above your SIL in the relationship 'pecking order' so to speak, (though different rules sometimes apply in extreme circumstances with close friends) Really why did your SIL tell you if she didn't want your DH to know?

Unless his sister has a history of being irresponsible with money or something similar he sounded unreasonably rude.

Or if there's some other backstory (like him needing money but not getting it). Then I could somehow understand his comment....

She is often flippant with cash etc but I won't go into it since she's never borrowed off of me/DH so we've never needed to get involved.

I personally think DH is too rude about some things with regards to his sisters borrowing/money.

For example, hates that she complains of always being skint but has fags and alcohol in the house etc

Isn't that benefit fraud if she doesn't tell HB about the 6k income?

He sounds judgemental. Yanbu for mentioning it, as it wasn't told to you in confidence, but he doesn't sound nice.

bacon no idea, really don't want to go into that. Think you're allowed savings up to £6K though? Plus it won't be moving from her bank to landlord, DN will pay it straight to landlord

It's obviously for her benefit though - that won't wash with HB... The 6k will be used by the landlord for rent in advance, so if she has her HB paid direct to her she could be prosecuted, even if she uses is to pay Nan back.

You can borrow money to pay your rent in advance on housing benefit.

Isn't that benefit fraud if she doesn't tell HB about the 6k income?

Surely 6K you've borrowed is neither income nor savings.

^ ahh - well you learn something new every day! Soz

While it's true that if she didn't ask you to keep a confidence then you had no duty to lie to your dh, it's also true (imo) that it wasn't neccessarily your information to share iyswim. You were in a no-win situation.
only you know the intention with which you shared the information. So only you know if ywbu.

If she has form for being unreliable about paying debts then your dh and MIL have reason to be disapproving

Your dh had no business telling someone not to give sil money. How would he like to lose his home and be stuffed re getting another
Not surprised they are off with you

It isn't income - it is a loan.
Does not affect HB - as long as it is clear that it will be paid back

It wasn't a secret but why did your DH get all pissy about it?

I have some relatives who are much more comfortably off than others and they can be terribly high and mighty about the poorer rels spending choices.
Most judgemental and quite unpleasant.

I wouldn't even dream of passing on something personal about someone else unless I had been directly asked to.

And knowing that your DH was likely to involve himself makes it worse

I agree that DH shouldn't have put his two pence in and shouldn't have said anything to my MIL. I also agree he can be quite judgy when it comes to SIL life choices but he did take me by surprise as he's never really put me in it! MIL does go above and beyond for SIL and SIL's children. I don't blame her! SIL is lovely, I don't care what her income/business is with the benefit/loan scenarios

Sounds all s bit nasty op.

Needs I can't remember/think of a time that DH has repeated something personal/big that I've told him, hence me telling him

Thought it would stay between me and him. We do tell each other everything really, he's also my best friend but like best friends he has his faults (judgy)

Seems some miscommunication here. You're husbands being a bit of a twat, it's not his place to tell his mum or whomever who they can or cannot give money to, never mind her own off spring FFS.

However it seems you're being blamed, possibly because they think you would have known he would be an arse about it so should have kept your mouth shut.

I feel quite sorry for her. Sounds like she's in a tough situation and getting grief from her brother on top of that. Chrissakes, what does he think she ought to do? Magic up a landlord that accepts HB without extra costs? Moving house while on benefits is hard.