How unreasonable was I to have told DH about his sister's 6k debt?

[NameChangeGhosty]

In a nutshell, SIL told me she's being kicked out by February due to landlord selling up and because of her being on housing benefit, it's harder to get a landlord to take her on. So, what she's doing is offering another 6K on top of the initial month's rent in advance, which will be hard for a landlord to let pass if it's his best offer.
Money is being borrowed by Nan.

DH and family know (common knowledge), that she's having to move by February.

DH did not know she was borrowing the £6K from his Nan. It came about that I told him because he wondered how she'd offered to move so quickly and I said "She's borrowing 6K from Nan to help move".

The day later DH told his Mum "By the way, if Molly asks for money don't give her any. She's getting 6K from Nan". Her reply was "there's nothing you can tell me I don't already know Micky " I was given quite a stern look...

That same evening SIL came round with DN and was acting a bit off with me... not horrible but didn't seem as chatty.

How unreasonable was I to have told DH?

Should I have known to keep my mouth shut even though she didn't say "between you and me"?

I didn't think it was that big an issue at the time since she told me about the money like she was listing what was for Christmas dinner

I didn't know he'd be an arse about it to them because he never usually repeats what I say.

He does get annoyed though that she complains of being skint (not just now but when rent was fine), yet has lots of extra trimmings etc

I also feel really bad for her - must be so difficult for her and getting a council property is near enough impossible here

Was your SIL 'off' with her DB as well as you ?

Old no, not that I recall

He sounds like a bit of a dick when it comes to his sister.

What does he think she should be allowed to spend her money on?

I find the attitude that "I tell my dp everything" really pathetic. A confidence is a confidence. It doesn't mean it's fine to tell your dp.

So the man is borrowing the money to give to SIL? That's a very risky situation.

nan not man!

I rarely disagree with you bertrand but I have found from experience that if partners don't prioritise the marital relationship above family ties then it may not last very long... however I wouldn't be married to someone who insisted on unhelpfully sticking his twopence-worth into his sister's business either so maybe I'm in no place to judge.
TBH it sounds like you need to take a big step back from your inlaws OP and develop some healthy boundaries.

Have I got this right, your SiL's Nan, is lending her £6 so she can bribe a landlord ? Surely I've missed something here?

russel

We finally agree on something ;)

But yes, if I am told something in confidence and it doesn't directly impact DH or DD (which luckily hasn't happened yet) I won't tell DH. Why would I?

6 months rent in advance is a well-known way to overcome various issues securing a tenancy (recent self employment, insufficient earnings, returned from abroad etc) instead of or in addition to a guarantor.

That was to back. It's not bribery if it's RIA.

*£6K

Thanks Manumission. Just read really strangely.
So do the housing benefit payments go to the Nan / lender then?

No the tenant would have to sort out the repayments themselves.

No back they go to the claiment unless there is a very good reason not to such as a inability to manage money due to SLD

Doesn't sound like it was a confidence, though.

Confidence or not- it's a piece of personal information. No reason to tell anyone else.

Thanks.

to return to the OP, if SiL was talking about it, and never told you not to say anything, then I too would have assumed it was common knowledge, not a secret.
If she's ashamed / embarrassed / thinks she shouldn't have then she needn't have told you, or would have said, - "Look, don't tell anyone but...". So therefore I think YWNBU

It sounds like a sibling rivalry thing tbh your husband ran to mum sister was off with you for telling him, your husband is probably pissed off she gets bail outs and is flippant about money your mil has probably had years and years of them bickering and telling tales, you are stuck in the middle you did nothing wrong.

Op. getting one over on his sister and having a go was more important to him that protecting your confidence. I guess something to bear in mind in future, it wasimportant to him to go running to tell on her to mummy, and to ensure she got no more money and he threw you under the bus in his rush to do so.

I'd say that kinda shows priorities, sibling rivalry and the guys got major issues there.

Blunt My DH doesn't have 'issues' but he does (perhaps rightly) think she isn't good with money - for example, a few years ago her Uncle borrowed her quite a bit and he didn't see any of it for about a year.

MIL wouldn't stop giving money/things to SIL just because of what DH had said. She always turns a blind eye to any misuses etc

"Blunt My DH doesn't have 'issues' but he does (perhaps rightly) think she isn't good with money "

And this is his business exactly how?

Bert because people he loves borrow her things they often don't ever see again?

Why is it bad he didn't see it for a year?

I'm assuming she needed the money. She was in a financially secure(er) position within a year and payed it back.

That seems good.