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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up of mil treating my kids differently because she doesn't like me

39 replies

Wishfulmakeupping · 10/12/2016 19:02

I'm just so mad.
To paint s picture -2 Dc with my dh. Mil has never really liked me but I've always been civil and respectful to her until this last year where she didn't give a shit that our youngest was in and out of hospital no offers of help or even phone calls to check how he was.
It was his first bday this week she gave him a ten pound gift. If all the go got this then that would be fine but she takes the others on holidays, to theme parks, lots of treats and many presents and he gets this one cheap toy?!
I know she doesn't like me and since the last time he was seriously ill in hosp I've not been able to make chit chat with her because I don't think I could manage to be civil so I've stayed out of her way but this just seems really unfair.
Don't know what I want from this thread but needed to get it out as dh doesn't see any issue with her gift

OP posts:

CremeBrulee · 10/12/2016 19:06

Let it go. It's just a birthday present. Why does it matter what it cost?

SaltyBitch · 10/12/2016 19:07

You've got a DH problem.

He needs to realise that his mother is being unfair and do something about it.

Without his support you are fighting fruitless battle where you will become the bad guy.

Madbengalmum · 10/12/2016 19:09

Yup, your husband needs to sort this out.

BratFarrarsPony · 10/12/2016 19:09

oh for goodness sake he got a present, what's the problem? did you check the price of it online or something?
I am with your DH on this one. Just be grateful that she got him something.

baconandeggies · 10/12/2016 19:11

For example:- www.mothersformothers.co.uk/request-help.html

MrsDustyBusty · 10/12/2016 19:12

I'd be astonished if you dislike her enough to check the price of her present, you'd allow her to take your one year old on holiday.

EveOnline2016 · 10/12/2016 19:12

My parents have 18 grandchildren and everyone is treated the same.

SheldonsSpot · 10/12/2016 19:14

Really, she takes 1 year old babies on holidays and to theme parks?

Have you thought she might do that for yours when they're older?

baconandeggies · 10/12/2016 19:14

Oopsie - wrong thread

Underthemoonlight · 10/12/2016 19:20

Why would she take a 1year on holiday and to theme parks the present issue is petty she still got him something although she could have offered to help when he was in hospital

woesinwonderland · 10/12/2016 19:20

It may be that she got her other gc a £10 gift for their first birthday. I would doubt she was taking the others away on holiday or to theme parks at that age.

The issue of her not asking about your sick dc would be much worse for me. Let your dh have it out with her. What makes you think it is because she doesn't like you?

woesinwonderland · 10/12/2016 19:24

Just wanted to add that some GP's don't think to help out in practical ways. I was in hospital with one of my dc's and one child there had a very hands on GP who even stayed overnight in the hospital to let the parents have a break. My DP's wouldn't even think to do that.

CombineBananaFister · 10/12/2016 19:24

This will tie you in knots with the unfairness of it all but you HAVE to stop comparing for your own sanity, or it will make you resentful and bitter. My MIL treats my DS very differently from all the other granchildren because of her dislike of me but that is a reflection of her character that she would penalise a child for that. Let it go and let your DH deal with it if he wants to.
You will get a lot of people who may think you are grabby because of the £10 gift comment but I know where you are coming from op , its not the money or gift, its the reason behind it.

luckylucky24 · 10/12/2016 19:41

What is she like with your older DC. I think you have blinded people with your examples of your 1 yr old. He cannot do anything you mention. How does your eldest get treated?

SheldonCRules · 10/12/2016 19:43

Lots spend little on a one year old, plenty with multiples will be spending more on their older ones than the younger ones and that's their own parents.

Yes she should have asked your DH for updates when in hospital but she couldn't really help as the doctors and nurses do all the care.

Looking up the cost of a gift is crass and grabby.

Lelloteddy · 10/12/2016 19:44

She takes her other one year old grandchildren on holiday?

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 10/12/2016 19:52

If you say nothing, your child may eventually notice and feel hurt by it. Maybe.

If you make a big deal out of it, your children will remember that when they were small you were very bitter and hostile towards their grandmother. My mother is still ranting about a velvet dress my cousin got the year I was given a plastic doll by my grandmother. I'm 43 and at the time I neither knew nor cared about what my cousins got. I still don't and I think that my mother is ridiculous for even paying any attention to it.

Did your child enjoy the gift? All of mine have had toys which they loved and refused to be parted from when they were little and not one of those toys cost more than a tenner. Expensive gifts for your children are often a total waste of time.

Nanny0gg · 10/12/2016 21:40

Her grandchild was in hospital and she didn't care enough to see how he was?

There was no offer of any type of help?

Why do posters make excuses for these kinds of people? It's obvious that she doesn't care (if you take everything said at face value, which is kinda the point of these forums) and why shouldn't the OP be hurt? I don't believe for one second that the above posters wouldn't be upset if it were them.
The present is just a symbol of the attitude.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/12/2016 22:40

I am shocked at the responses, this is amazingly unfair. Your dh needs to have a string chat with her. It sounds like she does not care less, when your ds is old enough, he will realise his cousins are treated better than he is. This is not on. Not caring whether he is in hospital and his health is disgusting. She sounds nasty. So what if she does not like you, don't treat a child like that!

Aeroflotgirl · 10/12/2016 22:47

The gift reflects her feelings towards op and her children. Shows how little she thinks of them.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/12/2016 22:56

How is she like with your oldest DC. The impression I get, is that she is like that as well or you would have mentioned it if not.

Tinkah · 10/12/2016 23:20

YANBU she sounds like a cow. However I doubt you can do much to change this. Just keep her at arm's length. What does your DH think of her?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 10/12/2016 23:25

Why would a 1 year old want to go to a theme park or on holiday on their own with GP?

Did you look up the price of the present?

Aeroflotgirl · 10/12/2016 23:42

piglet read the rest of the op, her ds was ill in hospital and she did not bother. It's not just theme parks, she treats the other gc much more favourably.

ivetriedsooomanyon · 10/12/2016 23:53

She's a cow ignore her, you know like she doesn't exist. Job done

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