Can't stay can't go, AIBU to think I'm trapped

[aquabluepool]

I can't stay because I don't love my husband any more and I don't think I ever did. But I can't leave because I'd be leaving my child behind and that would ruin child's life. I can't leave and take my baby with me because I don't love the baby and I hate being a mum. And the only thing worse than staying with husband and baby is being with baby without the husband.

No experience of this, but PND? Can you access some support via family and your GP?

You have PND. You can get help and things will be better, I promise. I was in your shoes once.

I don't have PND, honestly.

How old is your baby? Do you have family or friends to support you? I think you do need to see your GP.

I used to have friends, but they've kind of gone since I had the baby! I've seen my GP. Not PND I never thought it was really.

I think you do need to talk to a therapist/counsellor just to help you figure out where to go from here and make things clearer.

I can't really. But thanks. Sometimes you just need to say it. How you really feel.

aqua, I HATED DH after DS1 was born. Almost as much as I loathed DS himself. I had PND. I took meds and, after a few months, I sort of liked the baby. By the time he was one, I absolutely adored him and couldn't imagine life without him.

I realised DH was alright as well.

I know it doesn't seem that way, I also insisted I couldn't possibly have PND because I wasn't crying all the time and surely that's what depressed people do, but it can and will get better.

Thanks. Maybe it's - don't think it's depression as I am only miserable when I have to spend one on one time with the baby, but something weird. Maybe I do still love DH.

I'd go to relate by yourself and start working through your feelings so you can work out what you want

So how do you feel about DH and baby when you're all together? If it is PND I'd imagine it's normal that it's worse when you're alone.
Please speak to your HV.
How old is baby?

If your GP told you that you don't have depression then you need to see another GP. Relate etc won't be able to help because you have a hormonal/chemical imbalance that's causing your problem. Presumably you loved your DH before the baby came along? And I assume he's a good dad and husband as you say you don't want to spend time alone with the baby - which suggests he does his fair share with said baby?

Lovey, it happens to the best of us. One day, in the not to distant future, this will just be a memory.

I just think that your head sounds a little muddled and talking to someone might help sieve out what's what and how deep these feelings go or don't. I think it's at least worth a try. Also might help you figure out what to do.

If you leave are you talking about NC? Would you want to be in touch amicably and still in their lives?

I think you should try to reconnect with your friend's a little. Book a night out with them or whatever you like to do. Try and get a bit of you time in if you're not already. If you did leave you might feel worse not having anybody there.

How old is your child? You need to see a doctor asap and get support for whatever choice you want to make

Baby 10 months.

aquabluepool I am so sorry to hear this. It must be very hard.

Please consider seeing your GP again and asking to see a trained therapist or counsellor.

How do you know it is not Post Natal Depression or another type of depression?

aquabluepool can your explain "Maybe it's - don't think it's depression as I am only miserable when I have to spend one on one time with the baby, but something weird. Maybe I do still love DH."

What about going to a mum and toddlers or similar, so your child is there but other adults are too. How do you feel then? Have you tried this, if not, why not? I don't mean that in a negative sense, you do not need to go to this type of thing but some people do find it supportive and make friends via it. I made 2 or 3 of my best friends in this way.

Specifically, Re "but something weird." what does this mean?

Re "Maybe I do still love DH." What has made you say that? I mean it is great but why did you say that after your opening post, "I don't love my husband"?

aquabluepool I need to go out in a minute and will not be back until tonight, I will check back later. Please, you do not need to answer my questions (unless you wish to) but I really do hope you will get some professional help.

Thanks, I've tried mum and toddler things but I just feel bad as everyone else loves their babies. I don't feel depressed, just when I have the baby.

This sounds absolutely like PND - esp the bit where you don't think you have PND. Please see a different dr. Lots of luck.

Well we'll see but I've been on ADs and anti anxiety things for what seems like forever, now.

aqua you really do sound like you have PND. This is fixable, please go and get help. It can take time to get the right medication. If you have the strength you should also push to go on a waiting list for talking therapy.

Thank you, but really I don't think it's pnd.

I never wanted to be a mum, DH persuaded me, I hated being pregnant but loads of people said that was normal, I gave birth, waited for a rush of love which didn't come, again, reading around sounds normal.

Ten months on and I feel nothing.

I'm not depressed, but I hate being a parent.

Welll.....I personally found my babies a complete bore. I certainly didn't "bond" with ds1 (wtf is bonding anyway??) and I just went through the motions of the day.

As time went on it got better. Ds1 is 13yrs now. I like him now.....most if the time....

Could you go back to work full time? Could DH because the primary carer?

No, I'm probably going to be sacked actually, and we couldn't pay the mortgage on just my salary anyway.